Crooked Halo's & Ink Junkies
by ECANDME
Summary: When the one you thought would love you forever leaves you, where do you go? To Vegas of course! 3 yrs after Edward left Bella she's moved, but has never gotten over Edward. Can a chance encounter reignite their love, or is Bella now too distracted?
1. Chapter 1 Pitch Black Clarity

October:

There are plenty of things I can't tell you about my life over the past few years; the most simplistic things escape me. I don't know what my favorite color is. I'm not sure I have a favorite food. I'm honestly not even sure how I managed to graduate high school because I have difficulty recollecting showing up at all, much less being able to get passing grades. My life seems like a blur, an alternate reality played out only in my head, but the pain is real. The pain keeps me grounded to the fact that I still exist, and more devastatingly, to the fact that I lost everything that mattered to me. I have never been more alone.

I can, however, tell you with perfect clarity that it has been exactly 1 year, 1 month, 3 days, 9 hours and 42 minutes since Edward walk away from me; leaving the destruction of my soul in his wake. His rejection forced me to see what I already knew. I would never be good enough for him.

Truth be told, he should have let Tyler's van kill me that day in the Forks High School parking lot. It would have been far less cruel to allow me to die rather than to leave me in the sorrow in which I now reside.

I have no interest in life anymore. Anything I found of interest before simply doesn't matter now. Nothing can fill the void of losing him, and I don't even want to try. Edward was my perfection and without him, life has nothing for me.

Hell, even the threat of Victoria had seemingly dissipated. After Edward left she must have lost interest. Revenge isn't as satisfying when the object of your rage doesn't care anymore. I only wished she would come to kill me. Death would be easier, but I'm getting used to disappointment.

I know my corpse like existence is maddening to the people who still love me. I sleep half the day away only to wake up, force some type of food down, then head back to my room and sleep some more. The gaps are filled with sobbing spells that tear my soul further to shreds. Charlie tries to tell me that I'll get over this, but I'm long past caring what fate has in store for me. I heard everything I needed to hear the day that Edward told me that he didn't want me.

Who was I kidding? I knew that I was never good enough for him. Certainly not pretty enough. I'm plain; he's perfect and easily distracted. I hate myself for losing him, for not having the ability to be more what he wanted. I don't know what I could have changed to help the situation, but the reasons I don't understand drive me insane. I have cried to the depths of my soul and begged God to end me so that I can escape this misery, and yet, I am still here. I'm still breathing. Blood still pumps through my veins, and heartache still wrenches away at my sanity plundering me into oblivion.

September (Nearly 1 Year Later):

I don't cry any longer; I drained that well dry. Sorrow cannot begin to describe it. It's much farther gone than that. To top it all, Edward still haunts my dreams. I see his bronze hair in perfect disarray. A crooked grin paints across his alabaster complexion as he smiles lovingly at me through liquid topaz eyes. In my dreams he's still here with me and its pure bliss. In dreams I can come up for air and pretend that my life hasn't completely fallen apart.

Reality is hard. There is no cool embrace to hold me, no tender kisses, just loneliness and disappointment. How I have lasted this long is beyond reason. I'm not strong enough for this and yet here I am. I survive in slumbers so that I can see him again. He told me when he left that it would be as if he never existed. He took all the evidence that I had of him and left me with nothing, but he couldn't take away my dreams. In dreams he is still mine.

January (1 Year & 4 Months Later):

Beep! Beep! Beep! - The alarm clock sounded. _Okay, okay I'm awake…_ I squirmed under my sheets, took a deep breath, and reach to turn it off. _UGH! Another day…. Oh well let's get it over with…. _

I climbed out of bed and headed to shower away my exhaustion. Once thoroughly clean and dry, I ran out of the bathroom in my underwear to my closet. I chose to wear Black Cargo Capri's and my "Love Kills Slowly" Ed Hardy T-shirt. I quickly got dressed before running downstairs to grab some breakfast. It's the same everyday – a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk, and then I'm off to work…

Vegas is… well…. Vegas. It isn't at all like Forks. This is Sin City, operational 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Here money talks and bull shit walks. So you better know who you're dealing with before casting down your chips. This is my new life… if that's what you call it.

I'm not sure when it happened actually, but I finally had decided that wallowing away until death wasn't really working out for me.

Jake had called me up a week after my 21st birthday and invited me to take a trip with him to Vegas to get my head straight and to try and persuade me into having a little fun. I hesitantly agreed to go and found that, even though I'm generally not all that happy, I retained the ability to try and live a little. I ended up having a lot of fun with Jake and I'll always treasure my time with him. I had so much fun in fact, that I decided that Vegas was were where I now belonged. I made the move within a month after our trip.

Jake wasn't happy about me leaving Forks. Neither were Charlie or Renee, but they understood that it was killing me to be there. Renee offered for me to come live with her and Phil in Jacksonville, but I knew she would be constantly hovering around me so I politely declined. Her free spirited nature came in handy when I convinced her that Vegas would be an adventure. Jake promised to visit as much as he could and I agreed that when he came out again, I would have the scoop on the hottest places to go and take him for the tour.

Charlie gave me practically a year's supply of pepper spray and forced me to take self defense lessons before I left. I've got to love him despite his reluctant affliction; he's always looking out for me. I promised that I would take care of myself and convinced them that I needed to do this in order to regain any control over my life. I keep in touch with all of them fairly regularly by email or text.

To celebrate my new life and to put a little closure to the old me, I decided to get a tattoo. I'd always been pretty artistic, so I took up drawing. It was a release to some of the anguish I couldn't hold inside any longer. In this new artistic frame of mind, I drew up an idea for a tattoo to commemorate my love for and loss of a man that would never love me back. I didn't even flinch at the idea of the pain. There's no way it could compare to how I felt inside. I honestly hoped it would transcend the pain outward and give me some relief.

Beautifully abiding in Bronze, Black, and Topaz colored Script writing, my tattoo rests slightly arched from shoulder blade to shoulder blade reading "Vanished is Love… As if it never existed." It is a permanent reminder of the bronze haired, topaz-eyed angel that had left me. I had chosen to mark my body, flaunting my despair. If heartache was his only legacy to me, I would take it over nothing at all.

As far as romance goes, no one will ever equal what Edward was to me. I know Jake wanted more from me at one time, but he's finally resigned to the fact that it's just not going to happen. He had two choices: He could either - just be my friend and enjoy my company, or I would have to alienate him entirely because I couldn't give my heart away for loves sake when I never really got it back.

Truth being told I didn't want it back. It was much easier to walk around with a good chip on my shoulder. I found that no one really messed with me, aside from the occasional drunken tourist with a liquid enhanced ego boost, but that was to be expected. If you live where the party is happening, you can't complain about the noise.

I arrived at work at 10 a.m., bringing in a round of Double Shot Mocha Frapuccino's and a box of donuts for the crew. I work for my now best friend Ana Rodriguez. She owns and operates "Ink Junkies" tattoo parlor. This is where I got my tattoo. Ana was so impressed with my art work for my own tattoo that she offered me a job. Having just moved here not knowing a soul and having no clue where to begin, I took it with open arms. The rest, as they say, is history.

The crew consists of seven of us in all - Ana, Jess, Lala, Joe, Nessie, Lauren and I.

Ana founded "Ink Junkies" after leaving her family in search of herself. She loves to travel and found Vegas exciting. It fits her vibrant nature perfectly. She said she chose the name because anyone who had gotten a tattoo knows that they are addictive. She was all too happy to deal to all the local junkies. After all, tatting is good money.

Jess, Lala, and Joe are all Ink Pushers, a.k.a. tattoo application specialists. If you can dream it, they can ink it. They are always booked solid. I'm the lead artist, with Nessie and Lauren working under me. We help the customers' design their perfect tattoo and then assign them to the proper pusher to bring it to life. I know we operate a little different from the norm, but that's what gives us our nitch.

You come in with an idea of what you're looking for, tell us where you want it, and we'll design you a kick ass piece and apply it to perfection. Ana prides "Ink Junkies" on never having had an unsatisfied junkie.

"What's up Chicka?" Ana called out as I walk in the door.

"Hey… not too much… I brought sustenance," I said, waving the Mocha Frappuchino's in the air.

"Thank God! I'm starving!" Joe yelled as he came barreling toward the box of donuts in my hand.

"Did you know these things have 500 calories each?" he asked while shoving half the donut in his mouth in one bite.

"That hasn't stopped you yet." Jess smiled, spouting off jokingly.

"It's not going to either… I'm not the one that has to watch my girly figure," he replied as he spun around mockingly with his hand on his hip.

"Oh shut it Joe. Like there's a single princess girly girl working here," Lauren laughed.

"So how's the schedule for today?" I asked, trying to gauge my workload for the day.

"Busy as usual… Oh and hey, don't forget we have to be at Eclipse tonight. It's the biggest party of the year!" Ana answered excitedly, wiggling her shoulders and dancing slightly as example.

When we're not inking people up, we're partying like Rock Stars. We hit the coolest clubs and the best parties. We're known pretty much all over the city, so it's not unusual for us to get invites regularly.

"How could I ever forget? I'm so ready… I've got the perfect little black dress, and I'm ready to rock it!" I offered. Really, I always went along for my friends. I didn't really care one way or the other if I went other than that.

"You know Bell's…. I do believe that Rob is going to be there…." Ana's speech trailed suggestively.

Rob - a.k.a. Robert Clark - is a Marketing Agent for several of the MMA fighters that come to town to defend their titles, as well as new guys looking to make a name for themselves. He helps promote the fights to increase ticket sales and such to keep the sport a prominent current interest.

Rob is a friend of Ana's. I never really got the story on how they met, but she invited me to an MMA fight one night. She said it was the most amazing thing she'd seen and loved the idea of grown men kicking each other's asses for large sums of money and bragging rights. – She and Lala had been fans of the sport for sometime. Anyway, Rob got her free front row tickets and I was introduced to him as the new member of the crew. He was told that he better be nice to me.

It didn't take much prompting. He's been really cool with me ever since… too nice in fact. Okay I'm being modest…. The guy has a horrible crush on me. The trouble is that I don't want a relationship with anyone. Edward nearly destroyed me and I couldn't risk going to that dark place again. I might not resurface again. Not to mention I would never find someone to rival what he was to me.

That didn't really stop Rob's pursuit though. He regularly stopped by the shop just to say hello and bring me coffee or something for breakfast, always using the excuse that he needed to check in on his girls. Funny, it was only me that he brought breakfast and coffee to regularly.

Ana told me that he had admitted to her confidentially that he'd like to ask me out. That's about the time that I told her about all the reasons that I was unattainable.

"Ana, you know that I'm not interested in seeing anyone… so can we please not go over this again," I replied with butterflies swirling to the point of nausea in my stomach. _Why must she keep bringing this up…?_

"I know… but he's totally got the hots for you… not to mention he's successful, handsome, and funny. What's not to love really?" she asked.

"We've been over this a thousand times… I gave my heart away a long time ago, only for it to be crushed and stomped on and I'm not looking for a repeat performance. I don't need love… I need stability and I have that with my friends and my job, so can we please drop it?" I sighed.

She could tell that I was beginning to get upset and decided to back off.

"Okay, okay… I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to be lonely forever, that's all," she replied with a sad smile.

In the past I had explained a little about my situation with Edward and the reasons for my move to Vegas… but she would never know the whole story, she just couldn't. It was my secret to keep.

The days always seem to fly by at work. We're either so busy that we don't even realize the day is over before it's begun, or we talk about what all is going on in each other's lives and what our plans are for the night. That's one of the amazing things about this line of work. It never really feels like work. It's like hanging out with your friends all day and getting to give people a beautiful memory to treasure while getting paid for it.

"So what are you planning on wearing to the party?" I asked trying to break the now awkward silence that hovered between us.

I didn't mean to hurt her feelings before. I know she's just trying to be a good friend, but every time my love life gets brought up in conversation it sparks this defensiveness in me that I can't seem to control.

"Oh, I've got this covered! Girl… I'm wearing this Emerald green strapless dress that's short and ruffling in the front and gets a little longer to the back. I've also got these great silver strappy heels that buckle around the ankle and have a little dangling charm by the buckle."

_Yeah we were still cool. Otherwise she would have told me just to piss off._

The day was over before we knew it, and when we got ready to head out for the night, Ana made sure Joe was set to lock up as usual. She and I then took off to our apartment to get ready for our night out.

I regularly put on this charade of being excited about another party or event. It's not that I didn't enjoy spending time with my friends, it was everyone else there that bothered me. But if I didn't get all made up like they did, it would surely blow my cover and I'd be forced to deal with them feeling sorry for me and lecturing me about being young and moving on. It's easier to go along as if I'm just like them.

Ana and I shared an apartment in the heart of the city for the convenience of being close to the shop. It was definitely much more expensive than living a little further out but it was well worth the difference considering our rambunctious lifestyles. Let's face it… we're the best… and the best get paid. So despite all the other areas of my life that were in complete devastation, money wasn't one of them.

Once home I showered quickly and threw a little mousse in my hair. I didn't really have to do anything to it. My hair was naturally wavy with a slight curl, so just a little mousse for volume did the trick. Once my hair dried naturally, I pulled it up in a purposely messy style with some Onyx and Moonstone jeweled hair sticks. I slipped into my little black dress, eyeing myself in the mirror before applying my makeup.

The dress fit me perfectly. The bodice was strapless and snug fitting with the back plunging down almost to my waist. It clung to me in just the right places and the loose flowing, ruffle edged chiffon skirt settled around mid thigh. I coupled this with some 4 inch mid-calf Black leather boots.

_Yep… here we go again… why do I keep doing this?_

I made up my face wearing dark grey and silver eye shadows with black lashes, giving me a smoky look. I finished off by applying a light coat of gloss to my lips.

_Alright… let's get this over with…_

Party nights for me equaled drinking nights. I could get thoroughly sloshed and forget about all the nothingness I held inside. I still hide it well. My friends would never suspect just how unhappy I really was and that's the way I needed it to be to prevent the pity party.

Ana was ready in no time. She looked absolutely beautiful as usual. I hoped that her looking so hot would be distracting enough that she would steal away anyone that bothered to take a second glance in my direction. But Eclipse was a big club, and as soon as some random guy asked her for a dance I would be left alone so the risk never really left me. I'm a pro at shrugging off unwanted company and telling the creeps to get lost. Unfortunately, I've gotten well practiced at it.

I usually ride my bike pretty much everywhere but seeing as I couldn't get on the motorcycle without completely exposing myself in this dress, and ruining my hair and makeup, we decided to grab a cab. Elias was our regular. He had a terrible crush on Ana and whenever we would call the Cab Company to request a pickup, he always seemed to be the one available. His overwhelming crush gets a little creepy, but for the most part he seems to be an okay guy.

"You ladies look lovely tonight. Special occasion?" Elias asked.

"It's just another party. No big deal," I answered readily.

Ana smiled, nodded, and waved her hand as if to agree with me.

"Okay let's get you Belle's to the ball," he answered as he opened the door to the cab for us.

"Eclipse please…" I told him as he climbed in the driver seat.

"I'll have you ladies there in no time," he answered and we were off.

As we pulled up in front of the club my heart nearly stopped. It was never as busy as it seemed to be tonight and this caused me to be a lot more nervous than usual.

_What am I even doing here? I don't know why I always agree to go… I should have just stayed home and munched on some Java chip Starbuck's ice cream, and watched 'Never Been Kissed' for the millionth time._

_Because you need to live Bella, quit acting like such a baby before she notices you're freaking out…_

"You okay?" Ana asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Who me? Oh yeah… I'm great…. Let's rock and roll!" I answered with mock enthusiasm. Thank God she didn't notice.

"Alright, Let's Go!" she replied, jumping out of the cab as Elias held the door open for us.

I slid out of the cab and stood next to her. Already we were getting stares from the men and glares from the ladies. We looked good and we knew it, but it's still flattering every time the reaction is the same. Men crave us and women hate us. Lucky for me I wasn't looking to make friends with anyone except maybe Mr. Jack Daniel's and a couple of his buddies.

We walked up to the door and immediately the bouncers that granted or rejected entrance to the club recognized us. "Welcome back ladies," Andre said as he bowed his head toward us and unhooked the velvet rope to grant us entrance. "Have a wonderful time," Lucas followed.

"Thanks guys. As usual good to see you," Ana said.

I smiled and nodded as we walked into the building.

The music was blaring and the dance floor was cram packed. This was definitely the place to be tonight.

"I think I'm going to go grab a drink," I yelled to Ana over the music. She nodded in agreement and we made our way to the bar.

I climbed up onto a stool and Ana followed suit.

"What can I get you ladies?" the bartender asked.

I slapped my Visa down on the counter and told him to open me a tab. "And I'm getting hers too." I pointed to Ana.

"No, you don't have to do that… really Bell's." Ana play slapped me on my arm.

"I know, but I want to… let's have some fun." I smiled "So what's it going to be chicka?" I waved between her and the bartender.

"Corona for me please… with lime," she answered.

"I'll have two shots of Patron Silver, salt and lime… and a Vodka Collins." I was ready to get the night started and kill the nervousness so I could relax a bit.

"Dear God Bell's… Wow… I'm glad you're not driving." She smiled shaking her head.

"Right!" was all I could answer. I couldn't really tell her what was on my mind.

_Oh... It's nothing really. I'm just still in love with my ex-boyfriend who also happens to be a Vampire and being here, knowing that I'm here looking all approachable but not wanting to be approached, makes me a little nervous._

"Two Patron Silver's, salt and lime… one Vodka Collins, and one Corona with lime. Your tab is open. Thank you Ms. Swan, my name is Allen, please let me know if there is anything else I can get for you."

"Thanks Allen, I'll be back for round two in a bit." I licked the salt and downed the first shot of Patron and sucked the lime, leaving the glass on the bar. Ana smiled shaking her head at me as I repeated with the second shot.

"You're going to be so wasted before tonight is up!" Ana laughed.

"Hopefully," I laughed back and grabbed my Vodka Collins from the bar before turning around to follow her away from the bar.

Before we could even get ten feet from the bar, we were already starting to get approached with drink offers and dance requests. She loved this – being so irresistible. It suited her well and she was no push over. If a man wanted her attention, he had to really bring it. No cheesy pickup lines allowed.

I could tell Ana wanted to go dance but she knows I don't, and she's too good a friend to leave me alone. Clumsiness is my affliction. I barely walk without tripping most of the time, so dancing was definitely out of the question.

_I hate it when she does that, there is no sense in her not having fun on my account_…

"Hey… why don't you go dance… the guy in blue over by the bar has been staring at you since we got here," I offered.

"I don't want to just leave you standing here," she said with a mock frown.

"Oh I don't mind … really… go… have fun… I'm just going to wander around like I always do. This is more you're thing. I just like watching all the people."

She stood looking incredulously at me.

"Really Ana… go… it's cool…" I turned her around and pushed her away.

"Okay, Okay… I'm going. Text me if you need me okay?" She waved her cell at me as she began walking away.

"No problem," I answered giving her a thumbs up so she could see that I agreed.

_Great…now what am I going to do? Nice job Bella… put on your game face, because you just became "available" in the eyes of anyone contemplating approach._

I decided that if I just kept walking around and didn't stop, it would look like I were looking for someone and maybe displace any interest.

Sipping my drink slowly, I wandered around looking the place over until I found myself at a small round table in a dark corner. I took advantage of this, climbing up on the stool to hide myself in the shadows. I was nearly finished with my drink and feeling the full effects of all the alcohol. I sat there in silence watching everything happening. People were mingling, couples were dancing, t all played out before me in slow motion. Suddenly I realized that I had tears running down my cheeks.

_I haven't cried in months… where is this coming from? _

Ignoring the attempt at reasoning in my head, I lowered my head in my hands and let the tears flow silently.

"Can I get you something honey?" the waitress asked.

I looked up and blotted underneath my eyes with the back side of my hand. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

"Umm… Yes please… I have a tab open with Allen… I'm Bella Swan… Please tell him I'm ready for round two… the same as before minus the Corona."

"Alright darling… I'll be back with you're order in just a few minutes," She answered, and headed for the bar.

As promised, within minutes she was back with two more shots of Patron Silver and another Vodka Collins. I thanked her and gave her a tip.

Shot number three down…. I was already heavily buzzed so I knew I would be completely plastered before I finished these drinks, effectively killing all emotion which is just what I needed.

Shot number four down….

I sat there for a short while numbly sipping on the Vodka Collins, bordering unconsciousness. I was suddenly startled hearing a familiar voice chiming.

"Bella…Bella is that you?"

I thought I was hallucinating. I blinked several times to try and focus my sight to make out who was calling me when she stepped forward a bit more. _It couldn't be. How? Why? What was she doing here? _

"Alice?" I replied confusedly.

_No, wait…. There's no way... This is ridiculous! Bella you've gone and lost it now. It's been over three years and I can't even drink it away anymore. Hell, now I'm hallucinating them. I'm so fucked!_

"This can't be real. Great what's next? Edward's going to pop up and propose?" I laughed at the words that escaped me unbelievingly, but she didn't disappear.

The tears streamed openly down my face as I tried to stand from my seat in the corner to escape this nightmare. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to see them, to love them, but the pain it caused made me withdraw.

_Why now after all this time? What had I done that finally caused me to snap? I've got to get out of here!_

Thoughts rushed through my head even though I couldn't think clearly at all, and I wondered if I would even remember any of this in the morning.

I was standing and attempting to rush away when I stumbled and tripped coming out from behind the table. I could feel myself falling, but couldn't do anything about it. Waiting to crash face first onto the hardwood floor, I suddenly felt like I was flipped over and suspended, floating in mid air.

"Bella?" A masculine voice spoke to me. "Bella? Oh my God, are you okay? Bella talk to me!"

I opened my eyes slightly to see the blurred image of a man holding me. "Emmett?" I managed to speak in my semi-unconsciousness. "Who's Emmett? No, it's me Bella, its Rob. Hang on okay… I'm going to get you out of here."

"But… Ana…" I tried to speak, but slurred horribly, trying to tell him she would worry if she couldn't find me. Before I could speak again, Ana was running toward us.

"Oh Shit! Bella, are you okay?"

Ana began interrogating Rob as to what happened to me.

"I don't know. I saw her sitting here all alone from across the room, so I decided to come over and say hello and see if she wanted some company. There was a small girl walking away as I came over, and the next thing I knew she was crying and jumped up to run away. I don't know what upset her so badly."

_He saw Alice? That means I wasn't hallucinating… that means… wait… was she alone? God, I can't think straight… She must have known that Rob was going to catch me, so she ran off… but why… I'm so confused…_

"I should get her home, I'm just not sure how… I can't carry her." Ana spoke to Rob like I wasn't even there.

"It's okay Ana… really… you stay and have fun… I'll take her back to the apartment and watch her till you get home. I promise I won't do anything inappropriate. She won't even give me a chance as it is. I don't want to risk messing up any chance of her giving me a shot in the future."

"Rob, I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt her… and hey… don't take it too personal. She thinks you're great, but she was hurt pretty badly in the past and she's very guarded. Some guy really jacked her up something awful. She's still pretty broken; it's not an easy fix," she trailed off for a moment in thought… "Okay listen… I'll go and take care of her tab. The rest of the crew is supposed to meet us here later, so I'll stick around and let them know I'll have to leave early, and then I'll be home in just a little bit... You remember where it is right? 313 Whispering Winds – Apt #920. – You know… Whispering Winds Apartments… I know it's been a while, but you remember right?"

"Oh yeah… I've got it… no problem… I know where to go," Rob replied.

"Bella, Rob is going to take you home okay?" Ana yelled out over the music, seemingly in slow motion.

"Nooo!" I slurred back. "You shuud stayee and have fuuun. I'll be fiiine. Dun't you dare come hooome! I mean it… I'll kick youuur asses." I laughed hysterically for no reason. I was on a fine line of almost passing out, but never completely lost consciousness.

Ana lightened up a bit after seeing me laugh. She eyed Rob grinning and shaking her head, then softly patted him on the shoulder. "She's lucky to have you, even though she doesn't realize it yet."

"Take you're time, stay as long as you want, you have nothing to worry about… she's safe with me," Rob replied.

I could hear the whole conversation, but it was like I was in an alternate universe where I understood what they were saying but the meaning was lost to me.

The next thing I knew, I was being carried out of the club and felt the cool crisp leather of the seat when Rob put me in his truck.

"Bella? I'll have you home in a few minutes and you can rest okay?" Rob told me softly, brushing a strand of hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear.

"Ookaay." I smiled and closed my eyes against the cool leather headrest.

I never felt the truck move, but I remember the floating sensation again and opened my eyes to find that I was lying on my bed. _ How long have I been here?_ I looked at my alarm clock and noticed that it was almost 3 a.m._ - _ We got to the club around 10:00 p.m. so I figured it must have been eleven-something when I had my little melt down. _Wait, how did I get here? - Oh yeah… Rob… that was really nice of him. _

I stood up to go to get something to drink from the kitchen and tripped over something on the floor next to my bed. As I fell to the carpet, I turned to see that Rob was lying there on my floor covered with one of the extra blankets I keep stacked in the corner. Surprisingly, even with my tripping, he didn't budge.

He was so handsome laying there with the full moon shining through the curtain casting a glow across his face. He really seemed like a nice guy. He said hello to me almost every morning, brought me coffee and breakfast, sometimes for no reason at all, and was always smiling. I instantly felt guilty for having told him repeatedly that I wouldn't go out with him. I didn't deserve his kindness.

I knew better than to do what I was about to do, but if I waited until I sobered up completely I would never follow through.

I knelt down on the floor beside him and touched his face startling him. He grabbed my wrist and sat up quickly. Looking at me, he released my wrist as the panic left his face.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hi," he replied with a gentle but confused look, still breathing deeply from my scare.

Before he had time to say anything else, I leaned into him and softly pressed my lips to his.

We kissed lightly for just a minute before I resumed my space.

"Thanks for bringing me home," I told him sincerely.

"You're welcome. I… uh… should go… uh… you know… now that you're okay to be here alone. I didn't mean to intrude, you were just really out of it." Rob smiled apologetically as he climbed up off the floor and started to fold up the blanket.

It took me a minute to realize what he was saying.

"Actually, if you don't mind I'd like you to stay," I told him, not sure of what I really wanted or expected from this night.

_What are you doing? You're leading him on… this isn't good… tomorrow things will be back to normal and you'll feel differently._

"Okay… are you sure? I mean… Of course I'll stay, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything… you should get some rest," he answered smiling.

"No… I mean… yeah I'm sure… I don't really want to be alone tonight."

I looked down at my feet, feeling a little embarrassed at having sounded so desperate.

Rob wordlessly nodded with an understanding smile. He unfolded his blanket and grabbed a couple more to make a pallet in the floor then laid back down.

I lay back down on my bed and took a moment to text Ana, letting her know I was okay. She replied to me that she and the crew were having a blast and that she had met someone. She said she wouldn't be home for the night since I was feeling better, but only if it was okay with me. I responded to let her know to absolutely enjoy herself and that I would be fine since I had asked Rob to stay with me.

My phone buzzed one more time. I opened it to read a final text from Ana.

**Rob is staying? All Night? OMG Girl – I expect details tomorrow!!! :P**

"Rob?" I whispered quietly while laying my phone back on the night stand. I hoped he hadn't already fallen back asleep.

"Yeah? Do you need me to get you something?" he asked, shifting to sit up so he could see me atop the bed.

"Uh… yeah… I know this is going to sound strange… but would you lay up here with me?"

_Wow…yeah that sounded as awkward as I expected…_

I could barely believe the words that had just escaped my mouth and I'm sure he was just as shocked. I had spent the better part of 3 months politely rejecting his requests to have dinner or go dancing, only to ask him on a random night to climb in bed with me because I was drunk and lonely.

As requested, he climbed onto the bed with me, nervously eyeing my face and waiting for the rejection I'd shown him so many times before. But tonight I wouldn't reject him, tonight my defenses were down and I just wanted to be held.

He lay down on the pillow next to me, careful not to get too close in case I were to change my mind. I shifted in his direction, letting my head rest on his shoulder and put my arm across his chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around me, sighing ever so slightly as I drifted off to dream.


	2. Chapter 2 Destiny's Course

Chapter 2 – Destiny's Course

APOV

"Rose, I'm telling you, she recognized me! I know she was completely inebriated, but she called my name."

Rose sat with her arms crossed staring at me quizzically.

"Okay… so…. What do you want me to say? Alice it's been over three years. Don't you think it's a little presumptuous to assume that she wants any of us back in her life?"

As much as I hated to admit it she had a point.

"You haven't seen anything about her in your visions in a very long time… maybe you should just leave her be," Rose continued.

"But it's not supposed to be like this. She's supposed to be with us. She's supposed to be with Edward! I've seen it!" I argued.

"Alice, that was like three years ago! You said she left Eclipse with some guy right? If that doesn't clear it up for you, I don't know what will…" Rose rolled her eyes. "I think you're dealing with this worse than Edward is. Have you even told him that you saw her?"

I couldn't even look her in the eyes, so I gazed mindlessly at the floor.

"Not exactly… I don't want him to freak out and run off again. I need for him to see her for himself… not through my thoughts. I'm telling you she's different… but I don't think he'd be able to walk away from her again if he saw her for himself… and as for that other guy… Jasper says he's in love with her, but he also says that he's been pursuing her unrequitedly. So he may love her, but she doesn't love him back and that makes all the difference."

Jasper looked between me and Rosalie, shaking his head in agreement with me.

I knew Edward didn't take leaving Bella lightly. He had been torturing himself with thoughts of her ever since that day and he was more miserable and alone than I had ever seen him before. He was never going to get over her and I couldn't stand by and watch him dwell in his sorrow any longer. He and Bella were meant to be… if only he could see her again, he'd realize his mistake and go win her back.

"Oh and she has a tattoo now… A big one!" I added.

"Really? I never quite pictured her as the type to do that… what is it?" Rose seemed pleasantly shocked, almost seeming to admire Bella's new found rebelliousness.

"What is what?" Emmett boomed out as he entered the room.

"Alice saw Bella tonight," Rose answered casually. "She's different… Alice was just telling me about it."

"You saw Bella?" Emmett asked, clearly taken aback.

"What? Where? What did she say? What did you say? Are you serious, or is Rose bull shitting me?" Emmett nearly tripped on his own feet as he paced back and forth in excitement.

_So much for keeping it a secret…_

"Rose… Damn! … It's hard enough for me to keep my own thoughts private from Edward, now you're practically waving a red flag in the air!"

"You haven't told Edward yet?" Emmett asked, shocked and appalled.

"No, I was just telling Rose, he needs to see her for himself. I think if he ran into her himself, he wouldn't be able to walk away from her again."

"So what is it?" Rose asked impatiently.

"She has a large tattoo now Em." She raised her eyebrows, turning to face Emmett.

"It's sad actually… it's this really pretty writing that says "Vanished is Love… as if it never existed."

_Am I the only one who cares that she's in so much pain…? I don't understand how it doesn't bother them everyday…_

"She's broken inside… I'm not sure she's fixable," Jasper finally spoke.

"I could feel her despair… she still loves Edward, but his lies about not loving her may have damaged her irreparably. She has no self confidence and she fears love. It's very disheartening. It was excruciating, even from across the room, to feel so lost. She's trying to drown her pain with the alcohol, but it's not working. It's only a temporary fix," he said, looking down at his feet and shaking his head sadly.

"Bella was a shell of the person she once was. Edward was her life… she was ready to give up her mortality, even her soul if that's what it took to be with him forever… to love him forever, and he threw it all away," Jasper added before walking over to my side.

"Edward needs to see her! He'll never believe his eyes. She's changed physically… her hair is a little shorter and more tousled, and she's more mature… but inside she's the same… she misses him. It doesn't take a mind reader or a psychic to see it and I bet he wouldn't be able to contain himself for 5 minutes in her presence now," I said looking between Rose, Emmett, and Jasper.

"Where is he by the way?" Rose asked.

"He, Carlisle and Esme went to hunt," Emmett answered with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Okay… we all need to be thinking of something completely unrelated to Bella or he's going to get very suspicious, and we're all going to be in for it," I reminded them.

We all agreed that when Edward got back we would keep this to ourselves for now.

"Jasper and I are going out for a while… we'll be back later… there's something I need to know."

_313 Whispering Winds Apt. # 920 – Whispering Winds Apartments…. Yep that's what her friend said…. Let's go see what's going on with Bella these days… _

"Don't get in any deeper Alice… let her be," Rose scolded. I wasn't having any of it. Bella belongs with us. It's the way it should have turned out 3 years ago before Edward decided to pull his disappearing act and I was not going to sit back and let this opportunity pass them by. It's time destiny took its proper course.

"Let's go Jasper… I want to see where she lives. She'll never even know we were there, it's such and odd hour for humans, she'll still be sleeping."

It wasn't far to where Bella's apartment complex was located. It was hard to believe that we had been this close all along and never knew she was right there. Jasper and I snuck into her apartment with the extra key I smuggled from the front desk. I was sure that she would never notice our presence. I just wanted to get a peek at her, and get a feel for where she was in her life now, hoping my visions of her future would pick back up.

I wandered throughout the spacious apartment admiring her new found taste. She wasn't near as innocent and shy as she used to be. I made my way toward the door I suspected to be her room and was shocked to find that she was not alone. _Why can't I see her in my visions any more? If I had seen this, I could have acted, and changed things… What could possibly be blocking her from me?_

Bella was curled up with the guy I saw from Eclipse. Jasper looked at me in shock, and both our hearts sank at the prospect that maybe just maybe Bella had actually forgotten about us and moved on.

Jasper seemed sad to confirm to me that she was comfortable and full of peace in this moment with her friend. We left there feeling defeated. From the look of things it was going to be difficult to reinitiate our friendship, much less make her believe that Edward never stopped loving her.

I just kept telling myself that what Jasper had felt earlier at the club had to be true, she didn't love him, it was unrequited… she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing… she can't have moved on… not now that she was so close to us again…

It was time for Edward to see her… It was time for him to come clean and reclaim her heart before he completely loses her to another man's affections.

BPOV

The sun rose, shining through the curtains where the moonlight had filtered through the night before. Still lying in my arms, Rob slept peacefully, breathing slow deep breaths. It was strange to me, that this didn't feel unnatural.

_I still love Edward, shouldn't this be weird…. Why am I allowing this? Because he didn't want you… how could you ever forget…?_

I thought for sure today the blinders would come off… today I would realize that this was nothing and I could go back to my normal life, but nothing about my life had ever really been normal. So why should this be any different?

_I kissed him last night….. Now what? Is he going to expect something of me? _

I moved slowly to get out of the bed unnoticed and run to the restroom. I quickly took care of business and brushed my teeth to rid myself of the residual alcohol and morning breath. As I walked back into my bedroom, Rob turned in his sleep and reached his arm over to where I should have been. I sat back down on the edge of the bed and froze there for a minute with my back to him, dazed and unsure of what to do.

"Bella," he called my name softly.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning slowly to face him.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" he asked as he shifted to his side and propped his head on his hand.

"If I'm being honest… a lot of things are cloudy, but I remember you." I blushed.

"Well that's good to know… I know this must be weird for you. I mean we haven't actually had a date even, and I wind up staying the night and sleeping in your bed." He looked scared of his own recollection of our relationship and stopped talking, but grinned sheepishly in my direction.

"Look, Rob… about last night…" I started.

"No, Bella… really it isn't necessary… I get it… I know you were feeling vulnerable last night, and I should have stopped you from kissing me… but the truth is… I've been dreaming of what it would be like to kiss you for a really long time, so I just didn't. I'm really sorry…"

Rob seemed very nervous. He suddenly removed himself from the bed and began getting his shoes on so he could prepare to leave.

"Please don't apologize… It was unexpected, but I'm not sorry it happened… I've been a total bitch to you, and you've been nothing but sweet to me. I kissed you because I wanted to, not just because I was drunk, although that made it easier on my nerves." I managed a smile at him.

"As a matter of fact, I'd like to try it again, not drunk, and see how it feels… I'd like to kiss you again right now, if that's okay." Now I was going too far… _He's going to think you're a total freak Bella!_

"He's absolutely crazy you know…" Rob replied with the most loving smile.

"Who? What are you talking about?" _Oh shit, what had I been saying in my sleep?_

"The guy who broke your heart… he was probably the luckiest bastard on earth to get you in the first place, and he's a damn fool for having let you go." Rob's gaze was penetrating.

I moved closer to where he now sat at the foot of my bed and looked down into his beautiful green eyes. Edward told me that my memories would fade and that it would be as if he never existed… that I would move on and forget him… but I never did… I knew I never could. Yet, in this instant, I also knew that I could be satisfied with a life that included this amazing man.

I stepped in front of him and put my hands on either side of his face. Leaning down slowly, I watched the pleasant and tender reaction in his eyes as I moved in to kiss him again… and then before I knew what I was doing, I closed my eyes and pressed forward to deepen the kiss.

His arms wound around me, one hand on my waist, the other in the small of my back, as he pulled me toward him. He held to me gently, but with a fevered passion I hadn't felt in a very long time. I was helpless. My soul didn't really exist as a whole, but I was surprised to find that pieces of it still remained intact. Those pieces sprung to life before my eyes and I didn't resist.

It was nice to feel again… to actually really be wanted. I'd forgotten how this felt. It was beautiful, but tragic. I wanted this, I missed this… but I wanted it with Edward.

_Time to move on Bella… he didn't love you… he didn't want you… Rob does… why not him? _

He leaned back slowly until he was lying on my bed and I was almost directly on top of him. His lips never parted from mine except to catch our breath. His hands slid slowly up my waist and around my back, leaving a jet stream of chills where they had caressed.

"Bella… you are so beautiful… so perfect… I thought you'd never give me a chance. I nearly gave up." He gazed directly in my eyes and kissed me once more. "I'll do everything I can to make you happy if you'll only let me."

I didn't know what to say or do. So I nodded to agree. "I'm warning you… I'm in no position to be in a committed relationship… I'm broken… I can't let myself go that easy… there's no perfect reason… I just don't trust anymore, and it's not your fault, but I'm not ready to let myself be vulnerable to that hurt again. I can't guarantee you anything other than I'll try… and I understand if that's not enough for you… you deserve someone who will trust you completely and not have these hang ups, so if she comes along, I expect you to run to her and let me go, because I can't guarantee I'll ever be able to be that girl for you."

_Way to scare him off Bella… Oh well it was fun while it lasted…_

"I'll take my chances," he replied simply, rolling me over onto the bed under his muscular frame. I laughed, a little relieved that he didn't bolt out of my apartment. But mostly I laid in awe, shocked that he stayed after everything I just told him.

Rob stayed just a little while longer to make breakfast while I jumped in the shower to get ready for work. He dropped me off at the shop on the way to his apartment, insisting that I not ride my bike… At least not right away after having had such an inebriated evening.

That's one thing he and Edward would have in common. Neither of them would care for me riding a motorcycle. They would both claim the risk just too dangerous. Unlucky for them, or anyone else, I didn't care what people thought. I'm a grown woman, and I will make my own decisions, especially when I'm not putting anyone at risk other than myself.

When I walked in the building, everyone stopped and stared at me like I had a third eye or something.

"WHAT? Why are you all looking at me like that?" I asked.

Lala was the first to speak up "Oh girl, you got you some didn't you? It's written all over your face…"

"Oh my God… no… I did not get me some… Geez Lala, give me a little credit… he drove me home because I was trashed, that's all."

"Mm hmm," she replied, eyeing me skeptically.

"Well you are looking a little smug this morning Bells… what did happen?" Jess asked.

"You nosy bitches aren't going to let this go are you?" I laughed, shaking my head.

"Hell no! First of all, you totally bailed on us at Eclipse, but I heard you did it with Patron, so I ain't mad atcha, but the least you can do is dish a little," Lala replied, followed by Jess's "Spill it already, Shit!"

I had everyone's attention at that moment, and so I shared a little… "Okay, so I might have kissed him last night and then again this morning, and then I might have told him that I would try to be something with him, but I told him that I did not guarantee anything committed because of my past. I warned him that I have trust issues, and that if he found someone less complicated than me he should go after her."

"Holy Shit Bella… why the fuck would you say all that?" Lala gouged.

"Because… I don't want to set him up for disappointment, and I'm still not 100% sure this is going to work. I don't want to give him a guarantee on how I feel, because I'm not even sure what it is that I'm feeling. I can't lie, I'm still in love with Edward, and I don't know that I'll ever get over losing him. He was my whole world and then he just left me. I can't just forget that, I can't forget the years of numbness I've felt where his love used to be… where it should be now."

My voice got quiet and I found myself no longer looking them in the eye. I had grown very used to looking at the floor when I talked to people, especially about my past.

_What have I gotten myself into? _

"Well… look at it this way… you've got yourself a fine piece on the side while you wait for Edward to come to his senses," Nessie joked.

"Yeah you do…," Lala laughed. "I'd tap that."

"Ha! Ha! Ha! You guys…," I replied in mock humor. "Okay…so enough about my fucked up love life… where the hell is Ana?"

"Oh, she called in and said she'd be late. She met up with an old friend at the club last night. I guess they hit it off again and she decided to go home with him."

"Wow… it sounds like it was a crazy night for both you hookers," Lauren replied.

"Yeah… well I plan on having me a crazy night full of mayhem. Mr. Jason Mayhem Miller, that is…" Lala said laughing. "He's so fucking hot; I can't even believe I'm really going to meet him for dinner."

"He doesn't know it yet, but I just might be inviting him back to my place after dinner for a little dessert." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Well go on with your bad self then." I smiled, shaking my head. She never ceased to entertain me with her wit and charm. She was a great friend. One of those "life of the party" kind of girls.

"Yeah, now that you are practically dating Rob, you can thoroughly thank him for introducing me to him… Oh and you could like, give him a piece or something so he'll get you some tickets to the next fight. That's not too much to ask…you know… you could be like, friends with benefits." She laughed, only half joking. She really did want those tickets.

"Oh my God, Lala did you just propose that I have sex with him to get you MMA tickets?" I laughed at her.

"No… I simply suggested that if you gave him a piece, he might feel so grateful for your kind gesture that he would return it with a kind gesture of his own in the form of front row tickets…" she tried to keep a serious face, but it was hopeless.

"Oh so now it's front row, huh?" God I love her… she's hilarious.

"Hey… only the best for my friend's cute little ass!" She laughed.

"Thanks… that makes it so much better," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"You're welcome… let me know what time the fight starts. I've got to have time to get ready for my man," she smiled.

"So how did Rob end up introducing you two?" I was serious now…

"You know… he works with the fight club's and fighter's right? Well he knows Jason from there and told him that I was a fan and that I had a huge crush on him. So he asked him if he'd like to have dinner with me, and Jason actually said yes," she replied.

"Oh yeah, duh…" I replied as I trailed into thought.

Before this conversation had a chance to get any further, Ana came strolling in the door with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh Lord, girl… what have you been up to?" I asked, looking her over. She was glowing, completely happy, smiling from ear to ear, like a kid in a candy store.

"Awww Shit! She's done gone and got some too!" Lala yelled out.

"Damn, I need to start hanging out with you girls. I need a good man that'll have me walking in here all on cloud 9," Lauren said.

"Okay Ana, so what's up… why so cheery?" I pried.

"Bobby Foster…" Was all she said.

"NO WAY!!!" I yelled out, wide eyed in mocked surprise, earning a round of strange looks from the rest of the crew, including Ana. "Who the fuck is Bobby Foster?" I asked apparently what we all were thinking

"An old friend… well more than an old friend… an old boyfriend really. I never thought I'd see him again, and then last night after Rob took you home, I was dancing and waiting for these bums to show up," she said waving her hand toward Lala, Nessie, Jess and Lauren. "Anyway… he recognized me after all this time and asked me to dance. I never thought in a million years I'd ever see him again. I broke his heart horribly a long time ago, but I guess he let bygones be bygones because we spent an amazing night together last night."

"Speaking of amazing nights… you haven't told Ana about your night with Roooob!" Lala spewed it out like a teeny bopper talking about their high school crush. I almost expected her to follow with the 'Bella and Rob, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g'…. song, but before she could, Ana turned smirking with her eyes squinted nearly to slits to interrogate me.

"Okay bitch, spill…." She smiled and climbed into the seat across the desk from me, propping her petite face in her hands to show proper attention to detail.

"There's nothing really to tell… he's nice… a gentleman really… he took me home as you already know… and I guess he was worried about me, so he stayed… I got up to go the kitchen, and tripped over him lying on a pallet in my floor next to my bed. I didn't expect him to be there… anyway, my tripping over him didn't even make him budge. I don't know what came over me, but I knelt down and touched his face… anyway, that woke him and the next thing I knew I was kissing him. He was prepared to leave but I asked him to stay… I was still buzzing hard and I didn't want to be alone. So he stayed… but nothing happened. We just slept. And then this morning he panicked like he had taken advantage of the situation last night, and he jumped up and started apologizing and throwing his shoes on… so I stopped him and kissed him again."

The room was silent and everyone was looking at me like I'd lost my mind. I think they half expected that I would be angry with him, but the realization that I initiated it seemed to floor them.

"Wow!" Was all Ana could muster. "I honestly wasn't expecting that." She had a smirking smile on her face and one eyebrow cocked.

"Rob told me that there was a small girl walking away from you when he saw you crying, before you jumped up to leave. Who was she? And more importantly, what did the bitch do that had you so upset?" Ana was suddenly very protective.

"It was just a girl I knew from back home… she didn't really do anything, I just wasn't expecting to see her here of all places that's all."

"A girl from back home? What did she want?" Ana wanted details.

"I'm not sure actually, I didn't really give her a chance to talk," I replied with a hint of suggestion, but no one seemed to catch the drift that it would have been a very awkward conversation.

_Of course they wouldn't catch it, they don't know that she's my ex-best friend, who also happened to be a vampire like her brother who I'm still hopelessly in love with even though he declared his lack of feelings for me so blatantly… thus leaving a black hole right through the middle of me… duh Bella… get with it… they aren't privy to the sensitive details… well not most of them anyway…_

"OKAY! Geez, she's my ex's sister… there are you happy now?" I started to get defensive and blushed profusely.

"Hold on…. that girl is the sister of the asshole that left you?" Ana was pissed.

"Settle down… she was cool… I have actually missed her a lot. She used to be a very good friend. It wasn't her fault that Edwa- I mean **he** was such a prick. It just brought up a lot of old feelings that I've been working very hard to rid myself of over the last few years. I honestly wonder if the whole family is here, or if it's just her? They usually always travel together… it's a little un-nerving to think he could be here too…" I replied anxiously.

I silently pondered on Alice's purpose for being here, and wondered if she had seen something in my future that would have brought her to Vegas to find me… _Nah! Who are you kidding, it's been years… total coincidence… has to be… I bet I won't even see her again…_

"If you say so… but they better not come around here starting shit with you, or we'll have to handle that," Lala said in my defense.

Everyone nodded in agreement, but I knew that they would never be able to match up to the Cullen's abilities. Even if I was the purpose of their arrival, I just needed to forget that I had seen her and move on.

"Nobody better jack with my girl or I'll have to bring out the Nazi in Jess's German ass, and it'll be on like Donkey Kong!" Lala joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Damn Straight!" Jess answered laughing.

Jess's heritage is primarily German and Lala loves giving her grief over it, always jokingly calling her Hitler, or making a reference to her being a Nazi… Jess never takes offense to it. It's kind of a private joke between friends as none of us really harbored any true prejudices.

"You all are very sweet, but please don't worry about this… it was a fluke… I'll likely not even see her again," I offered, but in a strange way I hoped differently.

"Well let's hope she doesn't frequent Eclipse, because we're going back on Friday night… Bobby is going to meet me there. I told him that I want him to meet all of you," Ana shared.

"Oh, I don't know," I began, "last night was so…" I didn't finish the thought before she cut me off.

"Oh yes, that means you too… you can invite Rob, but chances are he would already be there anyway, so you don't have to worry about having another night like last night happen again… unless… you want him to rescue you again… we could totally plan it out... it could lead up to the perfect night, with him feeling all masculine and in control, and you being his little damsel in distress. I bet I could even get a couple guys to hit on you right in front of him to light a fire under his ass…" Ana laughed, but didn't seem to be kidding.

"I love it… it's like your Romeo and Juliet moment, Bells…" Lala laughed and then continued in her lovably smart ass way, "Rob-O, Rob-O, where for art thou Rob-O?" She had tears in her eyes she was laughing so hard, as was everyone at that point… including me.

"Wow… uh… no… that won't be necessary… I'll just ask him if he can go… oh and thanks for the vote of confidence, like I can't get hit on by myself… I know I'm plain, but I'm not completely unfortunate looking," I answered smirking.

"Suit yourself… as long as you're there I don't care… I can see where Bobby might become an important part of my life again and I want you to get to know him too, you know…since we live together and all. He'll probably be staying with us from time to time."

I nodded in agreement despite my aversion to going there again.

"Alright bitches let's get to work… we got some ink to push and money to make… the parties don't afford themselves ya know..." Ana joked and we resumed our workstations, knocking out some rockin' pieces.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. When our day was through, I grabbed a ride back home with Ana and we settled in with the Pizza we ordered for dinner and watched a movie before heading off to bed.


	3. Chapter 3 Expectations

EPOV

The sun rises and sets as the days pass by slowly. It shouldn't matter to me. Time is endless for my kind… so why should it matter if another day is gone.

I always thought I was cursed to be like this, to feel like a monster in my own skin, but none of those feelings come anywhere close to the utter despair I've felt since I walked away from my one and only love.

I never stop thinking about her… I feel the warmth of her blush in the sunlight and reminisce in memories of her floral scent in visions from our meadow. I get weak in the knees when I picture her tousled curls blowing in the breeze, or recollect the love emanating to me from her chocolate brown eyes.

Then like a flood, despair washes it all away and I envision her pleading with me not to leave her, but my resolve must be strong. I know that this is the only way that she can ever be truly safe. I can't go back to her now, despite the struggle I feel within.

_How foolish I would have to be to think that she would even still care… I'm sure I'm long forgotten. I wonder if she's met someone… I hope not… God that is so selfish of me… I can't have her and yet I don't want her to be with anyone else either… I'm so…ugh…_

"Okay, enough of this self pity bullshit!" Alice yelled while entering my room.

"Not today Alice, really…" I trailed off, being pulled from my wallowing thoughts.

"Edward, I hate to see you like this… it's been years… and it was your decision to leave her, you can't live like this forever," she replied to me with pleading eyes.

"On the contrary… I have nothing but forever to live like this if I so choose, and it was for her well being, not because I didn't love her," I answered sarcastically.

"That's not going to happen," she replied simply with suddenly unreadable emotion.

The fact that she replied so vaguely made me nervous and to be honest, a bit curious. I wondered if she was privy to some information that I was yet unaware of. Alice had learned to guard her mind from me when she's up to something. She thinks of the most random things sometimes. Mostly she does it to frustrate me so that I'll not want to know what she's thinking. Other times I purposely block myself from hearing her. There are some things about her and Jasper's relationship that I just don't want to know. Her thought's today were of the random nature, making me a little suspicious.

_What's really going on up there you pixie little devil – what are you up to?_

I didn't have to wonder too long before she put her hands on her little hips and half pouted and half looked irritated with me.

"Look, Edward… here's the deal…" she sighed, then continued. "Tanya is coming for a visit. She'll be here tomorrow, but Carlisle has to be at the hospital and Esme doesn't really like going out… she say's it doesn't put forward a very good appearance if she's out that late at night with us when we're her kids. She's afraid it will make her seem irresponsible. So Jasper and I, and Emmett and Rosalie, are taking Tanya to Eclipse tomorrow night. I really need you to man up and come with us so that Tanya doesn't feel like a fifth wheel."

I stared at her for a moment trying to decipher if she was full of shit, or if Tanya was really coming for a visit. That wouldn't be the first time they tried to use that excuse to get me to go out with them. What do they expect from me? I don't want to go out and be forced to try and have fun. I just want to be left alone. I could see that she wasn't budging and I knew that Carlisle would expect me to do the right thing, and the right thing would be to go with them.

_Ugh! I guess I'm going to Eclipse… brilliant._

"Fine Alice… I'll go… but… I'm not promising how long I will stay," I replied in defeat.

She got her devilish little grin back and then ran at me, grabbing me around the neck to pull me down and kiss my cheek.

"Thank you Edward! I promise you won't regret this," she answered jubilantly.

She headed back out the door before quickly turning around and stepping back in for a moment.

"Oh and Edward… I went shopping and bought you some new clothes… they're in your closet… you should dress nice… tomorrow night is going to be unforgettable, and you'll want to look spiffy." She grinned as she walked back out the door.

_You'll want to look spiffy? What the hell has gotten into her? It's just Tanya… Shit, you'd think I'd never seen her before. Wait! Is she trying to set me up with Tanya? Those four are up to something, but I'd bet that she's the ring leader of the bunch. This is definitely one of those times I'd be betting on Alice._

Jasper decided to go hunt tonight since he knew he would be around so many humans tomorrow night… at least this way his reaction to the scent would be subdued, so I decided to go with him, mostly to get out into the night air and look at the stars. Plus I didn't eat well when I went with Carlisle and Esme and so I decided it might do me some good to go ahead and hunt as well.

Emmett heard our plans and also decided to join us.

"Boy's night out," he smirked to Rosalie with a shit eating grin.

"Yeah whatever," she replied.

Rose and Alice stayed at the house. Alice bombarded Rosalie with her entire wardrobe trying to pick out the perfect outfit to wear… this was a regular occurrence with her, but Rose graciously helps her to sort out the chaos and finally choose something.

There isn't much to hunt in Nevada, not like what we were used to in Forks anyway, so we regularly run out of state to hunt. Typically it was somewhere northern, with plenty of Deer, Elk, Buffalo, Moose, Mountain Lion, or Bears. We always wound up back in Forks eventually, though it's been a while.

Someone in the family would make it a point to stop by and check on the house while in the area. This was a bad idea this time. I hadn't been back here since the day I left Bella standing in the woods, telling her that I didn't love her.

I instantly felt sick inside at the thought. I must have given too much away in expression, because it didn't take Emmett and Jasper long to catch on that I was having a difficult time focusing on our reason for being there.

"So Edward… I'm really glad you decided to join us tomorrow night," Jasper offered, trying to break the tension.

The turmoil welling up in me made the air feel thicker. Regardless of my lack of needing to breathe, it felt heavy and labored to even try. My mind flashed back to all the times I had with Bella, good and bad. Flashing between watching her sleep and hearing her say my name so lovingly, to her being attacked by James and the fear I felt at the possibility of losing her. Then finally, to the day that I told her that we were leaving. She was beautiful even when her heart was breaking.

I felt a calming wave wash over me, pulling me from my thoughts and I realized that Jasper had intervened.

"Edward…. Edward!" Emmett called out, sounding so distant.

_Wow, this really fucked him up_, he thought while looking at Jasper for assistance.

My head snapped up looking him in the eyes with apparent grief written across my face.

"Are you ready to head back? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…" Jasper added.

"Yeah, let's head back…" I spoke gravely, but silently wondered if I had decided to stop by Chief Swan's house, would I be able to catch a glimpse of her? Would I be able to contain myself after being away from her scent for so long? Would she even still be with Charlie?

I longed horribly to just know something of her… but I knew I would never have the answer to any of these questions… it would be too risky to assume that I would still be able to control myself around her, if she were even still around.

I've always been very fast, but I couldn't out run this. The pain was a constant torture, reminding me of just how much I had lost when I left her.

When we returned to the house, I went to my room and put on a copy of the CD that I had made for Bella and played the Lullaby that I had composed from inspirations of her. I set the stereo to repeat, and lay back on the chaise lounger, gazing at a photo of Bella that I had taken from her house without her knowing.

_I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she misses me… or if she even thinks about me at all anymore… Is she happy? Does she have a new love? UGH! Stop this Edward… you fool… you don't deserve answers to those questions. You left… you have no right…_

I tore the photo in half and threw it to the floor, but instantly regretted doing so and jumped up to gather the pieces and tape them back together.

_Maybe getting out of the house tomorrow will do me some good… _

I don't sleep, but I didn't want to do anything else either, so I just lay there in the darkness and awaited the breaking of the new dawn, just like I do every night. I have nothing else… just infinity of time to waste.

RB POV

My cell phone was going off again… This must be the fiftieth call I've gotten today… but I can't complain, the fights have all been damn near sold out and things have been going so well… still it begins to get monotonous having the same conversation with so many different people. There's a lot of leg work into putting on these fights.

I ignored most of the calls and would just call them back at a time that was more convenient for me… but I decided to glance at the Caller I.D. when this call came in, and thank God I did… it was Bella.

_God please don't let her have changed her mind about me already…. Chill out man…. Answer it, it won't ring forever, and she might not like leaving voicemail… answer it already…_

"Robert Clark," I answered.

"Hey Rob… it's Bella…" her sweet voice replied.

"Oh… hey Bella… I was just thinking about you… I've been missing you today."

_Shut the fuck up… what are you doing you idiot? I've been missing you? Really? Shit… why don't you just tell her you love her and want her to bare your children. That should send her running for the hills as effectively…. You sound like such a stalker… note to self… get that shit under control!_

"Um… thanks…" she laughed, and then continued, "Well listen… Ana wants me to go with her to Eclipse again tomorrow night… and I was kind of wondering if you had any plans, or if you would like to go with us?… She's bringing her sort of, kind of boyfriend for us all to meet."

"Yeah… I mean no… I don't have plans… I'd love to go with you," I answered, trying not to sound overly anxious.

"Cool… well… I'm going to ride my bike there… so I guess you can just meet me there… say around 9 p.m. Is that good with you?" She offered.

"Are you going to be drinking? Not that I mind… I just… I mean… are you sure it's a good idea to ride your bike if you plan on drinking?" I paused, hoping I hadn't overstepped my bounds, and then continued, "I could pick you up if you like? I can be your designated driver," I finished kind of jokingly.

"I'll tell you what… You meet me at my apartment and I'll drive us to Eclipse on my bike, and if I decide to drink enough that you don't feel comfortable with my driving home, then I'll let you drive the bike back to my place and your awaiting car…" she negotiated.

I didn't want to push the issue and cause a fight, when I had finally broken the friendship barrier. I'm not sure how I would feel about going back to being just a no one to her.

"Alright… if you're sure," I answered defeated and a little worrisome.

"Great… I'll see you tomorrow night then," she answered victoriously with a smile in her voice.

"Tomorrow it is," I said before closing my phone and laying it back on the desk.

BPOV

I hung up the phone somewhat excited but still very nervous. I couldn't shake the anxiety of having run into Alice at Eclipse before, and now I worried about running into her there again with my over protective friends and Rob, especially if she's not alone.

Meeting Ana's boyfriend seemed like a walk in the park in comparison.

I began thinking back on my life when Alice was still a huge part of it. I had missed her, but still felt a pang of heartache with all the Cullen's for just up and leaving the way they did.

All except Edward… what I felt for Edward was nothing shy of devastation… I would still give my life to him, but he would never have that… he would never change me… probably terrified of being stuck with me for an eternity.

They wouldn't like me now anyway. I'm not the sweet and shy girl they remember. Maybe somewhere deep down there's a piece of my former self, but she's well hidden amongst the pain, the resentment, and the painted on smile I play up for everyone.

I honestly felt like no one really knew me at all… but then again… how could they when I wouldn't let them in.

It's easy… if you don't allow yourself to love or be loved, then you can't be broken from the loss when they decide you're not worth it anymore. Sheer loneliness was far less painful than rejection and desertion.

I don't think I could survive if I let someone in and was deserted again. I think I would just completely lose my sanity and lay in a heap on the floor till I starved to death.

It was starting to get dark out, so I came in from the balcony and plugged my cell phone into the charger before heading off to take a shower.

After I was thoroughly clean and dressed, I pulled my damp hair up into a clip and made my way to the kitchen to grab a couple slices of left over pizza. Tomato and Green Olive… Yum!

I took my plate and a bottle of water and climbed into my bed before flipping on the television. There wasn't really anything of interest on, so I put it on MTV2 and watched a marathon of Bully Beat down.

I could see Lala's attraction to Jason Mayhem Miller. He was a crazy ass… so they were perfect for each other. He loved making a spectacle out of taking these bullies and teaching them a lesson.

It wasn't long before exhaustion overcame me and I flipped the T.V. off. I put my plate and water bottle on the nightstand next to my bed and turned off the lamp before closing my eyes and fading into a well deserved slumber.

JPOV

"Tonight's it, and tomorrow we'll see what he's really made of," Alice said expectantly giddy.

"How do you know she's going to be there? I mean this wasn't a vision, so what makes you think this is in the bag for tomorrow?" I asked.

Alice looked at me with an expression that displayed a desire to smack me upside the back of my head.

"You were right there… you didn't hear them? After that guy left with Bella, her friend Ana was talking to some guy and saying how she was so glad that they had met back up after all this time and that she wanted her friends to meet him. She told him that she would have them meet her back at Eclipse next Friday night… which is of course tomorrow… Not everything requires being psychic you know."

"I hope you know what you're doing darlin'," I replied with a cautious smile, shaking my head slightly.

"Jazz… you of all people should know not to bet against me," she answered.

"Oh, I'm not doubtin' you darlin'." I shrugged and leaned forward. "I'm just sayin'… what if she doesn't want to see him. It's gonna be awkward. Besides, we don't really know her that well anymore… and without your visions, there's no tellin' how she's gonna take seein' him again. You saw how she freaked out when she saw you, and I felt it… she was in a state of total panic."

"That is true… but the shock's over... surely she figures we're all here now… she wouldn't be near as surprised again. Right? I mean it should be easier now." Her emotions told me that she had a small bound of doubt.

"Well we're gonna find out one way or the other tomorrow. Let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. There's not really anything else we can do at this point," I replied, hoping she didn't catch the doubt in my own voice.

I don't know how Bella could react any differently than with anger or attempting to run out again. She was so mixed up emotionally. I couldn't think straight while in her presence previously. The only time I felt her at peace was when we went by her place and stumbled on her resting with her friend. I can't help but be worried that it's too late for Edward, despite feeling her friends love was unrequited… and man if he's too late… we're going to have to live with his brooding and self hatred for all eternity.

That's how Alice convinced me to help her out with this little plan to have them meet face to face again. We had to take the chance that if they met up again, maybe there would be sparks that they wouldn't be able to deny. Maybe a second chance was possible for them.

The plan was set, now we just had to wait.

Alice filled in Rosalie and Emmett; neglecting to mention anything to Carlisle and Esme because she worried that they would try to stop her. She couldn't have that… she's missed Bella so badly and now that there was a chance she could have her back in her life and reunite her with Edward, there was no stopping her attempt.

She caught herself up in choosing the perfect outfit to wear. She knew she would be at it for hours, so this killed some time for her so that she wouldn't be pacing around the house nervously.

We had to play it cool or Edward would realize what was happening and the shit would hit the fan.

Luckily, Tanya had really planned to come for a visit… she has always been obsessed with Edward and her relentless pursuit of him kept her coming back. Edward wanted nothing to do with her, but he remained civil with her nevertheless. He knew that Carlisle would be disappointed in him if he were to act rudely toward them… even Tanya… so he always kept face out of respect for Carlisle.

We weren't sure how to get him out of the house until Tanya had called and talked of a visit; Alice's mind went to work. She has taken up humming her favorite tunes to herself in her mind, so as to camouflage her real thoughts.

Edward wasn't always listening in, but we never knew when he was or wasn't. So the only way to play it safe was to not think about it at all or carefully keep your thoughts disguised.

Tanya was due to be at the house in the morning. Edward locked himself away in his room with his stereo playing, stretched out on his black leather chaise lounger. He rarely does anything other than this, so we aren't surprised that he isn't socializing with anyone. But tonight we knew this was about maintaining peace of mind before the ensuing chaos that would begin with her arrival.

EPOV

Morning came too quickly… the sun rose yet again, and another day was upon us.

Tanya would be arriving any time and I was less prepared this time, more so than any other, to deal with her incessant musings over me. She has always wanted more from me than I am willing to give. This time would be especially difficult, because not only was I not interested, but even if I had the ability to be interested, my heart already belonged entirely to Bella… wherever she is…

I felt myself growing weaker. I don't know if I can live like this forever… I fear my inability to let her go… I fear the idea that she's moved on, even though that's what I told her she should do…

"_You don't want me?" she asked devastated. _

"_No," I replied simply with total lack of emotion. "You'll forget me with time. I won't forget, but my kind…we're easily distracted…"_

I found myself caught up in thoughts of her… wondering what she looks like now… does she still bite at her lip when she's nervous or thinking… did she go to college? Could she still love me? So many unanswered questions loom over my head, and yet I cannot bring myself to seek out the answers. I fear the answers… what if they aren't what I'm expecting? Would I be able to live with myself if the answers were different than my expectations? So many unknowns…

I was pulled from my thoughts by the knock at the door, and then Carlisle's voice beckoned me. I slowly made my way down the stairs into the main living room. Before I even made it half way across, I saw her face light up.

"Hello Edward Darling." She blew a kiss in my direction.

"Hello Tanya… always a pleasure to see you," I lied.

"Thank you… I couldn't wait to get here and get my hot little hands around you," she replied as she ran across the room and snaked up into a very clingy hug around my waist.

Just as I was about to put her in her place for what seemed like the millionth time, Alice cut in.

"Ummm… Hey Tanya… let's go decide on something for you to wear to the club. You're going to love this place." Alice took her hand and led her away as she stuck her bottom lip out and pouted at retreating from me.

"Wow, dude, she's got it fucking bad for you Edward." Emmett spouted his observation.

"I've noticed," I said flatly, letting my thoughts drift back to Bella.

"Hey Emmett… Jasper… I want to ask you something… and please don't think me strange, but I've been thinking a lot lately… about… Bella," I said slowly.

They both almost gasped at my saying her name.

_That was weird... _

"So what have you been thinking Edward?" Jasper asked while Emmett nodded and leaned in closer.

"That I miss her terribly and I don't know how to live without her anymore." I looked at the floor in shame. "I know I have no one but myself to blame, but that doesn't help with the fact that I can't get her off my mind."

"So what are you saying Edward?" Emmett asked more seriously. "You want her back?"

"I don't know exactly… I mean yes I would want her… but I don't know where she is in her life, and I'm afraid… I don't know how she would receive the news that I was lying all along and suddenly several years later, I realize the magnitude of my mistake. I don't know anymore… I just find myself wondering how she is, and what she looks like and… if she's happy…" I replied sadly.

"Well… but… what would you do if she's different? What if she looks different, or acts different? What if she's not your same Bella anymore?" Jasper asked. "I mean… unlike us… people do change…"

"I don't know… I love her… I guess I would just… I honestly don't know… I feel like such an idiot for leaving, but I thought it was the safest thing for her… I knew it would be hard to stay away, but I didn't expect it to feel this impossible." If I could cry, now is when the tears would have started.

"Who knows Edward? Maybe someday you'll find her again." Emmett winked.

Rosalie strolled into the room, glancing from side to side to make sure the coast was clear of Tanya.

"Don't worry. Alice took her upstairs to pick out an outfit for this evening," I informed.

"What are you boys up to in here… you all got quiet when I came in… it's rather suspicious if you ask me." She smirked and then went to sit on Emmett's lap, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Not much" Jasper spoke. "Edward was just telling us how much he misses Bella and that he would love to see her again, to try and make things right." Jasper answered as I glared at him.

"What? Come on Edward… It's just Rosalie…" Jasper pleaded.

"Oh, like it isn't obvious anyway… you've been brooding yourself senseless over her since we left Forks," Rose replied in frustration. "I'm going to go see if Alice and Tanya are having any luck with their outfits."

"I'm in no mood to go out tonight guys… can't you just come up with something… tell them that I… shit… I don't know…" I slumped in defeat.

"Cheer up Edward, maybe going out tonight is exactly what you need. You might be surprised," Jasper spoke sensitively.

The day drug on as Tanya and Alice made their decisions on what to wear. All too soon Tanya was at my side again. She stayed there nearly the remainder of the day flirting, laughing too loudly at her own jokes, and making me wish this visit was already over so I could get back to the peace and quiet of my room.

The sun set and I knew that the time was drawing near for us to head out to Eclipse, so I went to my room to change into the clothes that Alice picked up for me. Tomorrow this would all be over, and I could get back to properly pining over my lost love.

I slipped on the dark blue denim jeans and sat down on the lounger to put on my Nikes. Just as I stood again to retrieve the pastel blue collared shirt that Alice had also gotten for me, I saw her strawberry blonde hair and a hunger in her eyes more fierce than I had seen before.

"Tanya… hand me the shirt!" I demanded.

"Why on earth would you want to cover up that beautiful body of yours? I have an idea… why don't we tell them to go on and enjoy themselves, and I'll stay right here with your sexy ass… looking just like that. You could even lose the jeans if you want." She practically purred at me and chomped her teeth together in an attempt to be alluring.

"I promised Alice that I would go and I do not intend on breaking that promise. Please hand over the shirt… I'm telling you that devilish little pixie will not be happy if I'm not ready to leave soon, and it will be _you_ who has to deal with her." I tried at a decent reply, rather than lashing out at her like I wanted to.

_You dumb bitch I don't want you!!! I want my beautiful, sweet… human. I want Bella damnit!_

Tanya turned on her heel for the door, huffing as she walked away.

"One of these days I'm going to have you Edward Cullen… I don't know why you refuse me… but it won't be that way forever." She smirked and winked at me as she threw the shirt to me and left the room.

"Never going to happen," I muttered under my breath, too low for her to hear.

I made my way down the stairs to meet the others in the living room so that we could discuss our driving arrangements.

Alice looked up as I took the last step down.

"Edward you look fabulous! This is perfect!" She squealed.

"Absolutely Yummy… I could just eat you up!" Tanya purred.

Jasper and Emmett rolled their eyes at her comment… only one of many that had been made throughout the day.

"Well… let's get going! Edward, you ride with Emmett and Jasper in the Jeep and Tanya, Rose and I will take Rose's car," Alice ordered.

We piled into the appropriate vehicles and headed to Eclipse to finally put an end to the misery of yet another visit from Tanya.


	4. Chapter 4 Too Late

**Chapter 4 – Too Late**

BPOV

I didn't feel like going out again. I just wanted to stay home, relax, and maybe read a little. Ana had other things in mind. She really wanted me to meet Bobby, and if he were that important to her, then there was no way I could tell her no. She had been through so much with me; the least I could do is suck it up and go hang out with my friends.

Lala, Jess, and Ana all went ahead of me to Eclipse, but forced me to swear that I would show up before they headed out.

I had been put through the ringer with pinky promises and crossing my heart, hoping to die. They had finally left when Rob called and said that he would be by in just a few minutes. Against everyone's hopes, I stayed firm on riding my bike. So when Rob showed up, the expected uneasy expression on his face was evident but he never tried to persuade me otherwise.

Since I planned on riding the bike that night, I decided to wear my tight, black leather, "sexy" pants. At least that's what Ana calls them. I paired them with an open back red and black halter, and finished off with tall heeled black leather boots.

I climbed on the bike and looked to where Rob stood before I pulled my helmet over my slightly tousled hair. It was nice to see him dressed down in a pair of dark jeans and a short sleeved button down shirt left unbuttoned over an undershirt. He looked comfortable, but nice. It wasn't near as stiff as he looked in his usual business attire. I felt a little over dressed in comparison, but it didn't deter the grin on Rob's face as he eyed me up and down while I sat on the bike.

"You look very sexy right now Miss Swan," he grinned.

"Thank you… not so bad yourself," I replied with a smirk and chuckle.

I handed Rob the extra helmet I brought along. "You're going to want to put this on."

He smiled at me once more before he climbed on the bike behind me. "Yes ma'am," he replied flirtatiously.

I started the bike and we were on our way. Rob held onto me tightly, not uttering a word. I couldn't decide if he was afraid of the ride or if he just wanted to be closer to me, but his grip tightened on me and didn't let go.

It was nice to feel strong arms around me, and the warmth of his body pressed up behind mine.

I never realized how much I missed holding someone, or being held, until I had no one to hold anymore.

Secretly I wished it were Edward holding me and dazzling me with sweet breathy whispered I love yous, but Edward was no longer around. Why not Rob? Why couldn't I get over my past and truly let Edward go and open myself up to someone new?

I abandoned this thought as we pulled into the parking lot. I parked the bike and headed in the club with Rob in tow. My bartender, and new friend, Allen agreed to hold our helmets behind the bar. I ordered a Vodka Collins and a Bud Light, and then sent Ana a text to let her know that we had arrived.

She quickly replied: **Oh good. I was beginning to wonder what was up. We're in the back, where you were last time when Rob came to the rescue **

We walked to the back and found Ana, Lala, Jess, and Ana's new man Bobby sitting at a large round table with six barstools.

"Bella!" Ana shouted at me and then trotted over to give me a huge hug. "I'm so glad you didn't bail on me! Come meet Bobby. Girl, check you out! You're wearing your sexy pants. I can't believe I didn't notice before."

Rob and I followed her back to the table and she introduced us to her friend.

"Bobby this is my sexy ass roommate Bella Swan. Don't be getting any ideas," she poked him playfully in the chest "And, this is my good friend Rob. Bella, Rob… this is Bobby." Ana smiled while pointing between the three of us.

"Nice to meet you," I replied and reached out to shake his hand.

"Likewise," he answered accepting my hand, and then nodded with a grin to Rob. Bobby turned back to Ana to place a chaste kiss on her temple.

Ana looked so happy.

Rob and I occupied the two empty barstools and we all broke in to conversations about work, sports, tattoos, cars, MMA fights, etc. Bobby paused in thought and then turned the conversation to me and Rob.

"So how long have you two been together? You seem like such a nice couple," Bobby stated.

"Oh we're not a couple," I blurted out more harshly than intended. "We're just friends."

I felt Rob stiffen in the seat next to me and I realized how badly that had come across, as all eyes were now on us.

I looked to his face apologetically, but the damage was done. An awkward silence permeated the air for a moment and then Rob rose from his seat.

"It was nice to meet you Bobby and Ana a pleasure as always. If you'll excuse me," he replied and began briskly walking away shaking his head.

I didn't know what to do. _He's not my boyfriend. It's not like I was lying. What the fuck just happened?_

"Rob! Rob please wait!" I called, and jumped up to follow after him.

He stopped and allowed me to catch up to him, while sighing deeply, but he refused to look at me.

"I'm sorry, I just… I don't…. I'm…" I couldn't find the words.

"What do you want from me Bella?" he asked. He had finally looked me in the eyes before continuing. "I really like you, and I really want to be more for you, but I'm not going to follow you around like a lost puppy just to be insulted in front of total strangers," he stated angrily.

It amazed me how his beautiful emerald eyes were so soft and loving before, and yet now caused me to cower in his glare.

Tears welled up in my eyes. _Damn tears… they're always betraying me…_

"That wasn't my intention. I didn't mean for it to come across like that. I thought you understood. I told you I would try, but no commitments. I warned you that it's complicated for me. I apologize if my actions made you believe otherwise. I can't promise you anything more, and if I did I'd be lying," I stated while wiping the tears away with the back side of my index fingers.

The look on his face softened a bit before he replied.

"Look… you're a really great girl. You're beautiful and smart, and so many other amazing things, but I can't be that guy. I can't be the rebound… the crutch. I can't be someone who sits around and waits forever. I thought I could handle this, but I just can't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to cry," he sighed again, and touched the backside of his hand to my cheek wiping another tear away. "I think I should just go. Return to your friends Bella. Have a good time."

"But… you came with me on the bike. How will you get back?" I asked, while a few stray tears still ran down my cheeks.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I'll catch a cab or something," he slightly nodded while shaking his head. "I'll see you around Bella. Take care of yourself."

He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head, and then he was gone.

I felt like the air had been knocked out of me.

_How do I keep driving people away from me? What is so wrong with me that I am not capable of retaining any relationships? I must be cursed._

I made my way back over to the table where my friends were all sitting. They all looked stunned that I came back.

"What the hell just happened?" Lala asked concerned as I returned to my barstool.

"He was insulted that I said we weren't a couple. He left," I answered flatly, taking another sip of my Vodka Collins.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I feel like I started something," Bobby stated with the burden of regret heavy on his brow.

"There wasn't really anything to start, and it wasn't you. It's all me. I should have known this was coming. It always does sooner or later." I smiled but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. "Now please do tell us how you and Ana know each other. She says there's history," I mocked another attempt at a smile.

APOV

After all the hard work I put into convincing Edward to get his ass out of the house the time had finally come. We were all here. I only hoped that Bella showed up for her friend. Otherwise the night would have been a total waste.

We valet parked and made our way to the entrance. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett weren't far behind us so we went on in.

As soon as I crossed the threshold I began my search for Bella. I looked everywhere, but even with my extraordinary senses, there were just so many people that they didn't seem to help. She was nowhere in sight.

_Shit! She wouldn't really not show up. Right? That's not like Bella. She's thoughtful. She wouldn't do that to her friend. Or would she? Like Jasper said "we don't know her that well anymore" – but she couldn't be that much different… right?_

"Do you see her anywhere?" Emmett snuck up beside me and asked quietly enough that the others wouldn't hear.

"No, not yet. I'm not giving up though," I replied, slightly worried that this was all in vain.

Suddenly I felt myself go blank like a clean canvas. New pictures were being painted before my eyes. A vision! Finally!

"_Look… you're a really great girl. You're beautiful and smart, and so many other amazing things, but I can't be that guy. I can't be the rebound… the crutch. I can't be someone who sits around and waits forever. I thought I could handle this, but I just can't. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to cry," he sighed again, and touched the backside of his hand to her cheek wiping another tear away. "I think I should just go. Return to your friends Bella. Have a good time."_

He had walked away from her and I could see the hurt in her eyes. Given, it wasn't the same torture that Edward had put her through, but abandonment nevertheless. It had happened to her again and my heart broke for her even though I didn't want to see her with that guy.

"What was that?" Jasper asked. "Did you just have a vision?"

"Yes!" I said excitedly. "She's here! He has to see her tonight! It's important that it's tonight!"

_Shit. Here comes Edward. Think of something else. Umm… Yellow Porsche…Kissing Jasper… Making out with Jasper…_

"You look so great tonight; I think I'll run you a bubble bath when we get home. Of course I'll have to make sure you're nice and dirty before hand," I said to Jasper to cover my ass, but he didn't seem to catch on to what I was doing. He actually took me seriously.

"Damn darlin' let's go get dirty then, caused I'd love some washin' up," he replied seductively, moving to my side and taking me around the waist.

For a brief moment I had forgotten all about Bella while I contemplated the southern drawl in Jasper's voice dazzling me.

Edward walked away with Tanya in close pursuit.

"You idiot, I was just trying to throw him off," I laughed.

"Well hell darlin', you gotta give me some kind of warnin'. How was I supposed to know when you're givin' me eyes and talkin' like that," he replied smirking.

I looked up and realized that Edward and Tanya were nowhere in sight. Where the hell did they go?

_I have a bad feeling about this. I've got to find him. NOW!_

"Where's Edward?" I asked Jasper and Emmett.

"Oh shit, I don't know. They were just here." Emmett answered.

"Okay… you and Rose go that way, and Jasper and I will go this way. She's here and he's going to see her tonight. I just know it. So we've got to make sure it's the best opportunity possible so she doesn't freak out and run out on him," I pleaded.

Just then it hit me again and I froze in place while the scene played out before me. Bella was crying and trying to get away. She pushed against the crowd of people but the mass wouldn't let her through easily. This bought us a precious little time.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I complained. "We have to find them now! The future is not working out in our favor at this point."

"I got him," Emmett belted out while holding the cell phone to his ear.

"Where the hell did you go dude? We're looking for you," Emmett asked and shook his head in understanding. "Okay cool… we'll be over there in just a minute."

"He said they are in the back right hand corner and that it's dark and not so hectic. He thought it would be the perfect place to socialize while we're here," Emmett answered.

We all walked back to where he had described, and that's when I spotted her. Bella sat at a bar table with her friends. She didn't look happy. She looked conflicted and sad, but never dropped the façade of her smile.

_I can't believe that Edward didn't see her already! Tanya must be keeping him distracted with her nonsense. And I guess all the different perfumes and cigarette smoke is masking her scent. I can't even distinguish her from anyone else._

I followed Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie further around, and climbed up to sit at the table that Edward and Tanya were already perched at. He was sitting with his back facing exactly opposite of Bella… If he would just turn around he would see her. I mean… she's right there!

The place in which she sat caused her back to face us as well. She was wearing an open back halter and had her hair pulled up in a purposefully messy style, allowing her tattoo to be freely visible.

Rosalie saw the tattoo and realized that it was Bella she was looking at. She turned and looked at me. I could tell by the shock on her face that she saw just how much Bella had changed.

The look on her face caused curiosity amongst the bunch, especially Tanya.

"What's with the looks?" Tanya asks Rosalie, rolling her eyes and copping attitude.

Rosalie and Tanya never really got along. This was nothing new, but tonight was not the night for Tanya to start her shit.

"Rosalie, are you alright?" I asked, trying to get her to realize that she needed to break the gaze or she was going to ruin it.

"Oh… yeah… sorry, I just… umm, thought I recognized someone," she replied, causing my head to drop. She looked worriedly at me and shook her head slightly. She didn't realize that she was basically asking him to look in that direction, but then again there's no time like the present I guess.

"What's going on?" Edward asked. He looked between the two of us, and eyed everyone else skeptically as well.

The fact that he had to ask told me that he had been too distracted in his own thoughts to bother reading ours.

"Oh come on baby don't let them ruin our evening. I'm here with you. Let's have some fun," Tanya said as she leaned in seductively and attempted to nibble on Edward's ear.

"Please stop that!" he spoke sternly. "I've told you countless times, I'm not interested."

"Awww Eddie… come on. Just let me have my way with you once and you'll see that we are meant to be."

Tanya was irritatingly persistent. I even considered smacking her for her overbearing efforts.

"Please excuse me for a moment," Edward huffed in frustration while turning to leave the table.

He had only just turned his back to us for a few seconds before he froze in complete shock as he saw the tattoo across Bella's back. Whispering he read the intricate script aloud, "As if it never existed." Edward stood silent in deep thought; still talking to himself. "As if I never existed… Oh my God!" The tattoo had sprung remembrance to the words he used the day he left Bella in the forest. Not that he had ever forgotten them anyway.

"Edward? You okay man?" Emmett asked. "You don't look so good."

Edward looked to me.

"Did you see this? Is this why you brought me here?" He asked, laden with grief and frustration. Yet there was an obvious longing and passion in his eyes.

"Let me explain," I replied, but he cut me off.

"Alice, did you know that she would be here?" He demanded, glaring at me.

My silence at his question gave me away.

"How could you do this to me?" He asked, and then realized that Jasper was giving us a pitying look.

"You knew too?" He directed at Jasper.

"Calm down Edward. She's just trying to help you… and Bella," Jasper replied.

"What the fuck are you all thinking?" Edward began to panic, frantically looking amongst us all.

"I can't do this. I can't do this to her. Don't you understand? What the fuck do I do now? It was hard enough missing her on my own and now you have gone and flaunted her in my face," he panted and took a deep breath, chancing a glance at her over his shoulder, then hanging his head.

He stood there for a few moments with a contemptuous stare before he spoke. "So… what did you see Alice? I mean that's how you know she's here right? So what is it that you saw happening that made you do this to me?"

"I didn't see anything Edward. I don't know what's going to happen. I ran into her here last week and then she left with some guy because she was drunk and crying. I didn't even get to talk to her. But I overheard her friend talking about her being here so she could meet her friend's boyfriend. I thought you needed to see her. She's changed so much, but she's not happy. She's still alone, and you've tortured yourself long enough. Now you can make this right!"

Tanya straightened up in her seat and turned to face Edward, putting her hands on his chest. "Edward darling, this was very wrong of them to force you into doing something you obviously don't want. Why don't we get out of here and I'll make you feel better," she smiled and leaned into him.

Edward was so distracted by our conversation and his own thoughts that he never noticed Tanya making moves on him yet again.

"I tried to warn them that this was a bad idea," Rosalie spoke up, interrupting Tanya. "But Edward, you have to admit she looks very pretty, but sad. It's obvious she's not over you either."

Emmett put his arm around Rosalie and nodded in Edward's direction agreeing with Rose. "Bring her back to all of us man. We've missed her too. Shit dude, she was like a little sister to me."

Edward was lost in thought, listening to our pleas while an inward battle raged in his eyes.

Just then a waitress came by with a tray of drinks and tripped on her stiletto heel, causing her to drop the small tray. The glasses all shattered to the ground. Bella spun around in her chair, instinctively looking over her shoulder for the cause of the chaos. Just as Bella's eyes made contact with Edward's face, Tanya pressed forward and grabbed Edward's collar, pulling him into a deep kiss. Tanya pulled away satisfied with herself for catching him off-guard, convinced that he would now be unable to resist her.

Edward seemed to be in a daze as he looked to the waitress picking up shards of glass from the floor and then seemingly in slow motion, his eyes rose level with Bella's gaze. For a moment, it felt like the world stopped.

Bella's eyes suddenly welled up with tears. She turned to her friends quickly and apologized, stating that she needed to go. They tried to stop her, but she jumped up from the barstool and ran.

"Bella Wait!" Edward screamed in panic as she darted off into the crowd.

We all knew what she had just seen. Despite his inner battles to stay away from her, all of Edward's prior hesitations fleeted in that instant and he bolted after her.

EPOV

_Oh my God she saw that! What must she be thinking? Damn Tanya! She'll be lucky if I don't kill her myself for this! _

"Bella Wait!" I screamed pleadingly and ran after her. She never answered. She just kept moving.

For once I felt like the predator in search of my prey, but it was not blood that I was after. I searched the crowd for her open back shirt, for her tattoo. Finally my gaze fell upon her beautiful body pushing her way through the crowd trying to escape.

"Bella please just listen to me! That's not what it looked like!" I cried out over the crowd. Still she didn't stop.

I contemplated letting her go, but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her with the horror and sadness I just saw in her eyes.

I had to be careful not to injure the humans as I pushed my way through the crowd as well..

Finally I caught up to her as she ran out the exit.

"Bella, don't leave!" If tears were possible for my kind, I would have cried a river. "Please let me explain! I love you! I always have! I lied when I said I didn't want you! I'm begging you Bella. Please talk to me. Just don't leave."

Heavy sobs bellowed from her and I could see her frail body trembling, but at lease she had stopped running.

"I can't Edward. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I don't think I could survive this again." She looked me straight in the eyes and the pain I saw there, as tears streamed down her angelic face, was dark. She wasn't my Bella anymore. I didn't know this creature. I didn't know what to say to make her stay. I felt I had truly lost her.

One last time I pled, praying in my mind for some kind of miracle. "Please," I begged, barely above a whisper, "I just want things the way they were before. I never should have left you. It's been killing me to be so far from you. I cannot even fathom a life without you in it.

Her sobbing subsided and turned to silent tears streaming down her cheeks. I wanted to touch her face, to dry her tears, but I knew the risk was too great. I couldn't do anything impulsive or it might drive her further away.

She studied my face for a moment that felt like a hundred years, then turned to walk away. My un-beating heart felt like it was being ripped further from my chest with every step she took.

Apart from the crowded smoky club, an evening breeze caught her scent and carried it into me. I never wanted her more badly than I did in that moment. But it wasn't blood lust, it was desire… passion… it was love.

"Bella," I spoke her name sounding defeated, but continued, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I only wanted you to be safe. I thought I was doing the right thing. I love you Bella. I need you."

Suddenly she turned to face me again and took a few steps in my direction. I felt elated that she had turned back to me and I awaited her warmth to run into my arms. My fantasy was short lived with the realization that she never arrived in my arms, but had stopped a few feet away.

Now more than ever before it was killing me not to be able to read her thoughts; to know how she truly feels. She's impossible to read.

"Please just stop Edward. Don't make this harder than it has to be. I can't take anymore. Don't you understand? I would die if you left again. I can't take that risk. I nearly died the first time! You said you left to make me safe when I didn't need saving. Now I'm demanding that you let me go, and don't come back around here anymore."

"Bella… I don't know if I have… the strength… to stay away from you any longer," I confessed.

"Then I'm going to make this very easy for you," she said. "Goodbye Edward."

Again she turned her back to me and began walking away. I followed her, a few steps behind, before she stopped and climbed on a black motorcycle.

"Bella, where are you going? What are you doing?" I panicked and lunged myself in front of the bike.

"I'm leaving. You should know all about how that works," she replied.

"You can't leave on that thing! It's too dangerous! You could be killed!" I stood blocking her path as she attempted to start the bike.

I could have sworn I heard her mumble under her breath "I'm already dead inside so what the hell is the difference?"

"Get out of the way Edward!" she ordered.

"No! I won't! Get off of that thing now!" I demanded, "I love you too much to stand by and watch you kill yourself on that contraption."

She laughed and tried a second time, but the engine didn't start.

_I can't believe she laughed! There's nothing funny about any of this._

She became very frustrated after about the fifth failed attempt to start the bike and decided to give up on it. She climbed off the bike and walked to stand in front of me.

If looks could kill, and I weren't already dead, the daggers she glared at me would have done the trick.

I attempted to calm her down so we could talk. Where the hell was Jasper when you needed him?

"Bella, please don't do this. I love you and I'm sorrier than you'll ever know. I was terribly wrong to let you go. I just want to make it right."

"No you don't," she said calmly. "You could have never left me in the woods that night if you loved me. You would have come back. You didn't come back Edward! And you don't love me… so go back to your distraction whatever her name is, and stop pretending you give a shit. Just leave me alone."

She wasn't crying anymore, and although I was glad not to see tears in her beautiful eyes, I suddenly felt like this was much worse. I saw nothing in her eyes, and for once I lost all hope that I would be able to win her back.

She took out her cell and sent a text message, no longer paying any attention to my presence. I just stood staring at her. I couldn't help but feel that this might be the last look I would get.

Her friends came rushing out of the exit and ran to her to make sure she was okay. The stress of seeing me again must have taken its toll on her nerves, because she suddenly got weak in the knees and fell to sit on the pavement.

Aching to hold her and melt away her pain, I took a single step toward her, but her friends spread out around her protectively. None of us moved as they eyed me suspiciously for a few minutes that seemed to drag on forever, and then the confrontation began.


	5. Chapter 5 Attempting Redemption

**Chapter 5 – Attempting Redemption**

APOV

I sat at the table wondering what was happening outside. _Did he catch her? Are they talking? Fighting?_

"I'm going out there!" I stood from my barstool, but before I could move an inch, Rosalie stopped me.

"What are you going to do, Alice? He's the one who has to do this. He started it when he left her, and he has to be the one to finish it."

"You don't understand though…" I tried to argue, but was cut off again.

"You've done enough. He's here. He saw her. That's what you set out to accomplish. Now let them work it out. And if it doesn't work out, then _that's_ how it's meant to be," she stated matter-of-factly.

I pouted. I can't lie. _So what if I'm a little meddling. I'm doing it for them. They will be thanking me someday. _

"They're meant to be together. I've seen it. I know it. I only pray that _they_ realize it before one of them does something stupid and ruins it," I replied in frustration.

"One of them has already done something stupid," Emmett replied. "He left in the first place. _That_ was stupid! I want her back around too, so don't take this wrong, but I hope she gives him hell first."

"Oh Please!" Tanya practically shouted. "He deserves much more of a woman than that that fragile little cry baby can offer. One of these days…" Tanya rambled, but Rose jumped in stopping her mid sentence.

"Oh shut the hell up Tanya! He doesn't want you! He never has! He never will! Get it through that thick damn skull of yours and get over yourself already." Rosalie scowled at her, then turned to look at us. "Don't look at me like you don't all feel the same way. It's ridiculous the way she ogles him to death every time she visits," she added as if Tanya weren't sitting there with us.

"Rose," Jasper proceeded cautiously. "I'm not into all the meddlin', but they've been out there awhile now and Edward hasn't been around her in a really long time. Maybe we should just take a peek and make sure everything is alright."

"Yeah babe," Emmett agreed, nodding his head.

"Oh fine! But I mean it. No one gets in the middle of anything that's going on out there," she warned. "Especially you." She pointed a finger at Tanya. "You'll just stay the fuck back if you know what's good for you. As a matter of fact, you can keep your ass right here." Rose stood staring at Tanya and crossed her arms over chest.

Tanya copied Rose's gesture and folded her arms as well. "Like _I_ have anything to worry about? Did you even see her? Completely pathetic," Tanya countered, flinging her strawberry locks over her shoulder and turning her nose up.

Tanya waved her hand toward the exit as if to shoo us away without concern. The rest of us headed for the door to check on Edward and Bella. When we walked out the exit, my jaw dropped in shock at the scene before me. There were three women standing around Bella, who was sitting on the pavement. They were blocking Edward from getting near her.

"What the hell?" I yelled unwittingly. I was so angry I didn't even realize that I had said it out loud. "Who do these people think they are?"

I knew I wasn't supposed to meddle anymore, but there were three bitches out there cursing Edward. They were telling him what a piece of shit he was for what they accused as 'messing with Bella's head.'

One of the women, the one with short auburn hair and fierce blue eyes, kept telling Edward to shut his mouth every time he would try to speak. Then another of her friends, a petite Spanish girl, chimed in, "I haven't ever met you before, but I've heard enough about what you've done that I don't want you around my friend. Haven't you fucked with her head enough? Just leave her the hell alone! Seriously… she's over you! Just go disappear again. She was better off without you anyway!"

I knew that wasn't true and so did Bella, even if she wouldn't admit it. I took a step forward with the intention of going to Edward's defense, but Rosalie shook her finger at me as a reminder not to get involved.

Edward looked so… lost. Misery overtook his countenance and it pained me to see him taking their lashings, refusing to defend himself. He wouldn't hurt the people that Bella loved, because the very same people that were tearing him down, were also the people that she turned to and trusted when he had walked away.

"Just get the hell out of here and leave her alone! From what we all understand you're pretty good at that. So this shouldn't be difficult for you," the green eyed, German girl yelled at Edward.

That was the last straw. I had seen enough. I stepped forward again, resolved that even Rose would not stop me. But before I had a chance to intrude, Rosalie had already taken action. She walked up next to Edward and placed her hand lightly on his shoulder, glaring at the human barrier, suddenly in his defense.

"Alright... that's just about enough! Everyone shut the fuck up!" she yelled over the banter. Everyone did as she said, but gaped at her contemptibly for her sense of entitlement to speak over them.

"This is simple. You three can stop right where you are because you don't know shit, okay." Rosalie started shaking her finger at them while her other hand now rested on her hip. They all glared at her with the fire of hell in their eyes, not realizing that they were face to face with one of the world's most deadly predators.

"Edward," she continued. "You've said what you had to say. She knows how you feel, even if she's not ready to believe or trust you again. That, my dear brother, is an unfortunate consequence of you having left her. Now you have to face the music; even if the tune ends on a sour note. What you _don't_ have to do is stand here and be verbally abused by three people who very obviously don't know the half of it." Rosalie finished her say, looking to Bella and ignoring the three women surrounding her. "And you know it Bella."

"So just who the hell are you then? You think you know Bella better than us? You think you know something more than we know? Then by all means, grace us with any shred of information you have that proves this piece of shit deserves anything other than a square kick in the ass," the green eyed, German girl spouted, looking Rosalie up and down.

"Jazz." I reached for his arm.

"I'm already on it darlin'," he replied, as I felt a wave of calm wash over us. This seemed to bring Rosalie down a notch, allowing her to stay in control.

"First of all, I'm someone you don't want to fuck with. Secondly, and most importantly, I'm someone who knows the whole story. So my involvement need not be questioned by any of you. Bella knows what I'm talking about and anytime she wants to have that conversation my door is always open… to HER. What you don't seem to understand is that before this helpless, broken, little woman wandered into your lives, she had a very real relationship with every member of my family in one aspect or another. I'm betting you know very little about that."

Bella's friends looked a little taken back. It seemed the realization that they didn't really know Bella as well as they had thought, caused a silence amongst them as they glanced at each other in confusion. Still, they did not move from their guard.

I had never seen Rosalie so vocal in Edward's defense before. It made me proud.

Bella stood up and took a couple deep breaths, seemingly ashamed to have had her friends fighting her battle. She reluctantly told them that she would be okay and that she probably should have this conversation with us now in order to put this to rest once and for all. Her friends seemed frustrated at her decision, but ultimately hugged her and told her to call them if she needed anything.

When they all hesitantly disbanded and finished glaring us down, they all went on about their way, heading back into the club. Bella was left standing with all of us. The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife. Once again Jasper's gift came in handy as he contorted the tension to a minimum.

"Hi Bella," I managed, smiling softly and hoping for some ray of hope that we would be able to rekindle the friendship we once had.

_God I had missed her so much._

"Hi Alice." She gave a slight smile in return, and then got serious again. "I don't know what you all want me to say. You left, not me. I missed you all so much it almost killed me." Bella seemed to go into a trance, staring off into space for a few moments. Her face darkened and then she continued, "I still miss you, and in a strange way I'm happy to see you all, but it's complicated for me. My life is very different now." She stood twirling a strand of hair around her fingers, nervously glancing amongst us all before settling her sight on Edward. "I waited so long for you to come back, but you never did. I lost hope. I moved on the best that I could," she finished, as a couple glistening tears ran down her face.

"I'm so sorry Bella," I said as I reached out to her with open arms. She quickly broke her stare at Edward and hesitantly stepped forward to accept my embrace. It was more awkward than I hoped.

_It's a baby step, but we'll get there soon enough._

Edward hadn't said a word since the argument with her friends had ended. He just stood there, empty and defeated, staring at the pavement and chancing sporadic glances at Bella's face.

Emmett and Jasper both spoke with her a bit, and Emmett enveloped her in hug and told her how he missed having his little sister around. She smiled genuinely at that and seemed to lighten up a little.

"Hey Em…do you think you could look at my bike?" she asked Emmett. "It won't start and I'm not sure what's wrong with it."

"Yeah, of course, where's the key?" he replied. She tossed the key to him.

Edward stood glaring, and with his facial expressions, while mildly shaking his head from side to side he silently negotiated with Emmett not to repair it.

Emmett looked at Edward slightly shaking his head in the same manner and walked over to take a look at the bike.

Bella had already been driven far enough away from us, and it was clear that Emmett wasn't going to chance hurting her feelings by refusing her request because of Edward.

"Seriously, he's always going to be overprotective of you. So you might as well get used to it," Rosalie told Bella.

"Well that's neither here nor there. Besides, there's no reason for him to be overprotective. He's got his distractions to worry about now. I won't be getting used to anything," Bella responded, matter-of-factly smiling. "I've been riding that bike for around two years now and I'm still alive to talk about it. I think I'll be just fine, so he might as well just get used to it."

Rosalie smiled at Bella, seemingly amused at her new found attitude. Edward on the other hand grimaced more than before.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Edward replied. "I told you it's not what it looked like, and as far as the bike… I'm only looking out for your safety Bella. It's very dangerous for you to travel on this thing. Besides, you promised not to do anything reckless or stupid, and this qualifies as both." Edward raised his eyebrows, giving Bella a more serious 'I told you so' look.

Just then, despite Rosalie's warning, Tanya came strolling out of the club and right over to Edward. She stood awkwardly at his side, trying to appear closer to Edward. He sighed and inched away from each advance. She finally stopped, but then stood glaring at Bella with a jealous hatred in her eyes.

Bella's smiled dropped and she rolled her eyes before returning her gaze to Edward. "Edward, I remember _you_ promising to always love me, endearing that you'd _never_ leave me, but then you got distracted. My boring human love wasn't enough for you anymore, and we see where that went." Bella eyed Tanya up and down. "So I hardly think you have any room to criticize me for breaking promises." She glared at Tanya, placing her hands on her hips and then shifted her gaze back to Edward.

"You have it all wrong. Bella, I'm not with her," Edward pleaded, stepping further away from Tanya and more toward Bella. "Please just let me drive you home. It will give us a chance to talk."

"There's nothing left to discuss. I already told you, I want you to leave me alone Edward. It isn't fair for you to just walk back into my life and expect me to act like you never left. You're acting like nothing's changed… like you never broke my heart. But in reality, _nothing_ is the same. I'm damn sure not the same! I'm scarred and broken and riddled with issues that stem from everything that your leaving caused! I know _you_ believe that you're sincerely sorry, and somehow you may really think that you love me, but that just isn't possible." Bella shook her head, looking to the ground with a momentary distance in her eyes.

She looked back up at him with a knowing defiance. "You never came back Edward! How can you say you loved me? That you love me now? You never came back! You may not have changed me when you had the chance, but time and a broken heart definitely have. Things are just too different now. I don't trust you," she replied with finality.

"Bella my love, I don't think you understand. The only thing I _am_ absolutely certain of is how I feel for you! You're the only one for me Bella! It's always been you! I don't know what to do if you don't want me back. I can't believe that there is no chance for us. I can't… I don't… think I can go on without you… without you loving me." Edward was shadowed in gloom. His eyes were luridly bleak and appeared more deeply bruised than normal. He hadn't been eating well and it showed. Bella had to see this, she must have noticed the darkness, but it appeared that her distrust had made her resolve strong.

"How's it coming Em?" Bella asked, ignoring Edward's pleading.

"I don't think you're going to be riding it home Bells," Emmett replied. "I can't tell what's causing the problem right away like this. It would take me some time to mess around with it."

"Great! Just brilliant," Bella huffed infuriated. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. Thanks Em. I'll just walk it home tonight. I appreciate you looking at it at least."

Bella walked over and gave Emmett another quick hug, and then turned to me.

"Alice, I don't know what to say. I miss you terribly, but how is this going to work?" She shrugged.

"Give me your phone number. It's been a long time since I've gotten to take you shopping," I replied. I handed her my phone, hopeful that she wasn't cutting me off too. One of us had to get back in her good graces if there was ever going to be a chance for this to work.

"Okay. Alright, I guess I can work with that." She reached out and took my phone, typed in her number and then gave it back to me.

"Okay my turn. You know, in case you ever need someone to talk to," I offered.

Bella handed over her phone and I quickly programmed mine and Edward's numbers into her phone. She'd forgive me for it later.

"Alright, well I better get going. It's a couple blocks back to my place," she stated and began pushing the bike alongside her.

Bella looked over her shoulder, smiled sadly, and waved as she started to walk away, pushing the bike with her.

_Edward you damn fool, get over there and help her! Offer to walk her home. Push the bike for her. Do something! Don't you dare let her walk away so easily! Fight for her you idiot!_

Edward heard what I was telling him in my mind and looked confusedly at me.

"What am I supposed to do? She doesn't want me around her," he replied sorrowful.

"I don't know, but if you don't do something, she's going to walk out of your life for good and you know as well as I do that is not an option anymore," I answered him.

Likely he already knew it wasn't an option either. "Bella!" he yelled and started to walk in her direction across the lot. She once again glanced back over her shoulder.

All of a sudden a black Ford Lightning pickup pulled up next to her, claiming her attention. It was her friend from the apartment the other night. _But what was he doing here? He left earlier. He had been angry with her. Surely he wouldn't come back… would he? I guess he would. This isn't good_.

The man got out and walked around the truck to where she had stopped. A few words were exchanged and thanks to our supernaturally sensitive hearing we were all aware of the conversation. _She called him Rob… so that's his name._

Mostly she apologized for being so hurtful earlier that evening. He told her that Ana called him to let him know what had occurred here, so he decided to come back to make sure she was alright. He apologized for walking out on her, stating that he was a fool for being so inconsiderate in knowing that she had been walked away from before. He then pulled her in to a loving embrace, resting his head on top of hers slightly. She didn't deny him that affection, but seemed awkwardly in a state of unease.

The next thing we knew, he loaded the bike into the back of his truck. Bella had agreed to let him take her home, and climbed in the passenger seat without a second glance toward us.

Edward was fit to be tied. His stance stiffened and his fists balled at his sides as he glowered at their every movement. His self loathing, combined with the very real visual image of Bella with another man, nearly pushed him too far. I quickly realized he had seen my thoughts when the truck pulled up and had become clued in to my recognition of this man. Not to mention seeing my current thoughts in combination with watching this all take place.

As the truck pulled away, Bella chanced one last glance in our direction, looking dimly at Edward for a brief moment and then turned away.

Edward didn't follow. Instead he spun on his heel to face me and I knew I was about to get it. I looked in his rage filled eyes wanting to explain, but I didn't know what to say.

"Who the hell is he? How long have you known about her being here? When did you plan on telling me that she had a boyfriend? And where the hell were you that you saw her lying in bed with him?" Edward glared at me with an intimidating fierceness awaiting my response.

"His name is Rob. I ran into her here at Eclipse last weekend. She was drunk and he took her home. He's not her boyfriend. He likes her, don't get me wrong, but Jasper say's it's not like that for her. The feelings aren't mutual. As for the whole lying in bed scenario… that was the night she was drunk. Jasper and I went to her apartment to see how she's been living and what she's been up to. I knew she would be asleep and never know we were there. I just didn't expect to find her with company. She was obviously lonely and missing _you_ Edward. He comforted her in your absence. You can be mad at me all you want, but I'm telling you now, you need to figure out something to break down the wall she's put up or you really _are_ going to lose her forever. So rather than standing here wasting time being angry with me, you need to be figuring out a way to make her see that you really do love her and that you're not going anywhere."

Edward stood stone faced and silent staring at the pavement, deep growls emanating from his chest.

BPOV

I had heard enough from Edward. He was so full of shit! How could he dare stand there and tell me that I was his one and only. _Seriously?_ How dare he try to fool me into believing that he actually still loved me… that he ever did to start with!

If he had come back in say a week, or maybe even a month, I would have been guarded, but possibly understanding. _But it's been over 3 years! Why now?_

Rob showed up in his truck and let me know that Ana had called and informed him of the situation. Truthfully, I didn't really want to see him either. _Ana and I are going to have to have a talk._ He had walked out on me also. Despite my forewarning him that I had commitment issues, he too had abandoned me. I told him that if he were to find someone, or couldn't handle it, to let me know and I would understand. That wasn't the case at all… he up and walked out on me in anger because I didn't readily call him my boyfriend after one drunken night and a couple kisses. _What part of 'I have issues' didn't he get?_

Choosing between the two evils, I let Rob take me home. I knew he wouldn't stick around and pressure me the way that Edward had been trying to do, and it was obvious between the two of them that I would not be left to walk home alone. I looked back hoping that Edward had taken the hint to let me go by seeing me choose to go with Rob. I knew he must have overheard our conversation. With Edward's gift, I would expect no less. He hadn't budged. I looked back only to find him still standing where I had left him. His countenance appeared infuriated and broken.

_It's about damn time he knew how it felt._

If I were being honest with myself, I wanted to run to him. I wanted him to envelop me into his statuesque grip and never let me go; but I couldn't trust him to stay.

I stared out the truck window at all the passing lights as my mind wandered. If I did let him back in, what would happen if his distractions arose and he decided that I wasn't what he wanted – again? But what if he was telling the truth and I was ruining the only chance I had to be truly happy?

_Why are you even thinking about this? Are you suicidal? He's never going to change you. It's all a lie. He had said it himself when you first met him… 'You believe the lie… the way I look, my voice, even my smell… everything about me invites you in' yet the sadness that met his eyes seemed so convincing. NO! Stop this! You are not going back to him! You're stronger than that!_

Rob pulled into my apartment complex and helped me unload the bike, parking it back in the garage. I gave him a quick thank you and turned toward my building.

"Bella," I heard him call out to me.

I sighed deeply before turning to face him. "Yeah?"

"Are you going to be okay? I mean you can come back to my place if you're worried they'll come here," he offered.

"No thanks. I'll be fine. I'm used to being alone actually. Being with people seems to be more complicated for me. We've established that I know my limitations earlier this evening. All the mood swings are giving me whiplash and I've had my share of excitement for tonight. Thanks anyway though. I appreciate the gesture." I forced a smile, despite the turmoil raging inside.

"Okay, I understand. I guess I deserve that. I'll give it sometime, but I'd very much like to keep in touch if that's okay with you," he replied apologetic and apparently regretful of his previous actions.

I nodded my head with a quick smile that I knew looked as insincere as it felt on my face, but it was all I could muster. He walked backwards a few steps, silently looking at me, and then gave me a quick wave and climbed back in his truck. I watched until he was gone, suddenly realizing just how alone I really felt.

I stood in the dark, fumbling for my keys in my handbag. After a few moments I found them and eased the key into the lock. I was fighting to turn the key when I heard a noise emitting from the darkness under the stairs to my left. I squinted and looked, but didn't see anything. I continued to fidget with the lock. Every once in a while it would jam and take a few extra jiggles before the key released the cylinder and granted entrance. Sure enough, tonight would have to be one of those nights.

The noise rustled again and finally I decided to chance sounding crazy and speak to it.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

I was beginning to panic and felt my stomach clinch up in knots.

Jiggling the key a bit more franticly to try and rush my way into the apartment, I paused when I heard a man's voice whisper my name.

_What the hell? Who was that?_

I took a few cautious steps toward the stairs, squinting to try and focus on the darkness and whatever might be waiting there.

"Edward? This isn't funny! Knock it off already," I replied, now visibly shaking.

Still facing the stairwell, I heard another noise. It came from the direction of the door to my apartment. I froze in fear, not knowing whether to run or stay still.

I turned slowly to face my apartment door, afraid of what I might see, but nothing was there.

Then all of a sudden I was wrapped up in someone's grip. It was like being bear hugged from behind and I began to scream and flail my limbs to try and escape my capturer.

"Bella... Stop! It's me! Damn girl I was just messing with you," he growled.

I broke free and spun around punching him square in the jaw. There was a loud crack and I thought that I had gotten in a good shot on my attacker, but then the searing pain set in and my hand began to throb mercilessly.

I grabbed a can of mace from my bag and turned back quickly with it readied in my good hand, but froze just as I aimed the can at him, realizing what he had said.

"JAKE? Jake! What the hell are you doing here? Why did you do that? Oh my God I think I'm going to pass out."

My knees went weak and I dropped to my welcome mat, heaving for breath as sobs over took me for the second time this night.

"Oh Shit! Bella, I'm sorry… are you okay? I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to terrify you, I was just playing," Jake said as he sped to my side, trying to help me up.

It was the straw that broke the Camel's back. His little prank finally pushed me over the edge emotionally and I couldn't reign in control of the sorrow that escaped me.

"Shit. I'm so sorry. I won't ever do anything like that again," he said as he hugged me close to his chest, rocking slightly.

Jake took hold of the key and unlocked the door to my apartment before carrying me inside. After setting me down on the couch and grabbing a box of tissues, he settled beside me solemnly.

"When did he come back?" he asked in almost a whisper, hesitant to risk upsetting me all over again.

While still attempting to regain my composure, I quickly looked up at him. "What? Why would you say that?"

I glanced back down, fidgeting my hands together, biting my bottom lip, and shaking my head the slightest bit.

"You called his name outside… you said 'Edward this isn't funny'… so unless you know another Edward, the Cullens must be in Vegas," he wisely replied.

I sighed deeply. There was no reason to lie to Jake, he was my best friend.

"I saw him tonight. He was at the club that my friends and I go to. We accidently made eye contact when a waitress tripped and broke some glasses. I didn't even know he was there. Right behind me! Anyway, when we saw each other, his girlfriend grabbed him and kissed him. I don't need that kind of shit. I just had to get out of there."

"Girlfriend?" Jake asked unbelievingly. It sounded just as strange to me, but then again the idea of Edward with anyone else was just too sad to think about.

"Yeah, some strawberry blonde chick was hanging all over him. She looked like a total bitch, not what I would have expected for him to be attracted to."

"What did he do when you left?" I could see the anger shooting through his expression as he asked.

"He ran after me. He told me he loved me… that he still loves me and that it was all a huge mistake. He says he wants me back, but I don't believe him. I can't believe him," I answered, grabbing a pillow from my couch and hugging it to my chest.

Jacob nodded his head in agreement with me and I instantly felt sorry for even saying that out loud.

"Jake… I'm just really tired. I don't really want to talk about this, I'm not thinking straight. I think I should just go to bed. You're welcome to stay of course. You can take the couch." I forced a smile and hugged him before turning and heading to my room.

I turned back to him quickly. "Oh, and Jake…"

"Yeah?" he acknowledged quietly.

"I'm glad you're here… it's been too long." I smiled.

"Get some rest Bells… we'll catch up in the morning when you're feeling better," Jake replied with a smile as he grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch and lay down.

Once in my room, I took off my club clothes and put on a sleeveless tank top and a pair of old cotton shorts, then climbed in bed. It wasn't long before exhaustion overtook me, and I fell into a deep slumber.

"Get up hooker," Ana yelled as she pulled the curtains back, letting the sun shine into my room and blinding me. "You could have texted me and let me know Jake was here. He scared the hell out of me last night when I got home."

"That makes two of us," I answered. "Shut the curtain bitch, it's too bright."

She pulled it back partially shut so my eyes could adjust.

"You need to get up. I need to know what the hell happened last night," she pried, standing on my bed, nudging my legs with her feet. "Was that the guy? Was that Edward?"

"Yes," I answered. "I really don't want to talk about him."

"To damn bad hooker, whether you like it or not, it appears he's back, and he's hot, no wonder you're so fucked up," she answered more seriously. "Is he going to be a problem?"

"Wow Ana, thanks a lot... love you too bitch! And no, he's not a problem. I'm sorry I got you guys involved last night. I thought it would spook him and make him take off. Honestly, I'm a little confused myself. He was with a girl there and she freaking kissed him right there in front of me, but then he's all chasing me out the door and professing his love to me. He said everything that happened was a terrible mistake and that he wants me back."

"Oh," Ana replied, apparently at a loss for any other words.

"Yeah I know," I answered, sadness evident in my voice. "The sorry thing is that I do still love him, despite everything. Despite the years I've been numbly passing through without him. But I just can't make myself forget how much it hurt. I don't trust him anymore. I don't trust myself to resist him."

"So who's the crazy blonde bitch that got all up in our faces?"A scowl appeared on Ana's face as she asked.

"That would be Rosalie, she's Edward's sister," I answered smirking. "And she can be a real bitch. She hasn't ever really cared for me too much."

Ana's eyes trailed over me and then met mine. "So what do you intend to do then? Do you think we'll be seeing them around?"

"Oh I expect they'll be around alright, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I never really expected him to come back, so I'm kind of in shell shock right now. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time."

"Knock, knock," Jacob announced as he walked into my room, covering his eyes. "You're decent right?"

"Yes Jake, come on in," I answered. Ana smiled softly at me and excused herself, whispering to me that she had to go anyway and that we would talk later.

"Good. Now you need to get up and get ready to go. I'm taking you to breakfast," he stated, smiling hugely. "And it's about time you give me that tour of all the hot little places you've discovered."

I grinned and looked up at Jacob from under my lashes. He was a sight. Tall and strong, he stood with the boyish grin that always melted my heart.

"What?" He blinked rapidly and looked over his shoulder then back at me. "What are you smiling at?" Jacob looked like he was missing out on some private joke that I reveled internally.

"You're kind of beautiful you know." I smiled widely at him.

His brow furrowed as a confused smile played across his lips. "Okay, who are you… and what have you done with Bella?" He chuckled.

"What, I can't think that you're beautiful?" I asked playfully.

He rolled his eyes, not taking me seriously at all. "Get up, get your goofy ass ready, and let's go get some grub." He chuckled, shaking his head. I laughed in return.

"Okay, give me a few minutes to get cleaned up," I replied. "You know it's kind of perfect that you're here now. It's ironic really."

Jake eyed me, smiling suspiciously. "Okay I'll bite, why do you say that?"

"Because my bike won't start and I need a mechanic."

"Oh, is that all I am to you… your "beautiful" trusty mechanic?" He laughed jokingly. "I'm kidding Bells, of course I'll take a look at it."

I got ready quickly and Jake and I headed out of the apartment toward the garage.

Arriving at the garage door, I was shocked to find Edward brooding under the cover of the carport that extended. He saw Jake with me and a fierce recognition came over both of them simultaneously.

"Bella, can we talk privately?" he asked.

Jake jumped in. "Anything you have to say to Bella you can say in front of me."

"Okay, you two knock it off! I can't handle anymore bullshit. Jake, please look at the bike, and then we'll go get breakfast. Edward, come with me." I looked between the two of them, then took Edward's hand and walked back to my apartment with him in tow.

"Bella are you sure?" Jacob yelled across the lot.

"I'm fine Jake, please just look at the damn bike, I'll be right back!" I yelled over my shoulder. Jacob turned scowling and did as I asked.

I unlocked my door and stepped inside before inviting him in. "I don't even need to know how you knew where to find me. Look, you have five minutes; I suggest you choose your words wisely." Now that we were alone together, I knew I wouldn't last longer than five minutes surrounded by the scent that was Edward.

He took a step toward me, passion lingering in his darkened eyes. I could tell from last night that he had not been eating well and it made me wonder when he last hunted. But today in the daylight, the severity of his malnutrition was very apparent. He stood looking longingly at me, not saying anything.

"You said you wanted to talk. So talk. I can't read your mind Edward." I stood with my arms folded across my chest, awaiting his reply.

He smiled a sad version of his beautiful crooked smile and began, "Bella…" He looked down to the floor and back up to me and attempted again, "Bella… I need to be near you. I love you so much. I don't think you understand my feelings for you at all."

He looked pained.

"I understand just fine Edward. You wouldn't change me, you didn't want me, and now you've convinced yourself for some ungodly reason that you made a mistake. What if it wasn't a mistake?" I paused. "What if you're just 'distracted' with this notion that things can be interesting again with the fragile little human? I'm not ready for that. I can't lose you again," I paused again, catching my breath and fighting back tears. "So if I don't have you to begin with… then there's nothing to lose." I stood my ground. He couldn't have my heart. I thought I had never gotten it back from him when he walked away, but I realized now that it was more like it had ceased to exist… like it had vanished. My tattoo was more symbolic than I had ever realized.

I turned my back to him, trying to compose myself before I lost total control of my emotions. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. Unexpectedly, cool fingers grazed the back of my neck and across my tattoo. I closed my eyes and my breathing hitched, but try as I might, I couldn't fight the feelings that his cool touch evoked in me.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I hate that you're branded with this reminder of my outstanding error in judgment. I hate… that if I were to change you now, you would be bound with it for all eternity. But thus would be my penance; to be reminded daily of the heartbreak that I have dealt you."

I turned to face him, the proximity so close that I could feel his breath on my face. His dark eyes dove into mine and I was awestruck at his beauty. In that moment he appeared more brilliantly perfect than I had ever remembered seeing him before. I felt myself being drawn into the magnetism of his cool sweet breath.

"Edward," I started to reply, but before I could say anything further, the booming sound of someone heavily rapping at my door pulled my attention from him. I hesitated for a brief moment before I could no longer ignore the pounding.

"Excuse me," I replied as the moment passed and I inched past him toward the door.


	6. Chapter 6 Complicated

Chapter 6 – Complicated

BPOV

I slipped past Edward to answer the door.

"It's just the dog," Edward spoke in frustration at our interruption.

"Whatever that means." I rolled my eyes at him and turned to open the door.

"Are you about done here?" Jake asked menacingly, looking past me to Edward.

"Hardly, we were just getting started," Edward replied, making my heart skip a beat. _Just getting started what?_

The tension was building between them and I had to put a halt to it.

"You two need to stop! I love both of you and I can't stand constantly being torn to make impossible choices when it comes to you two. Jake, you're my best friend, but I can handle holding a conversation without needing you to hold my hand. Edward, you're my… well… I don't know what. It doesn't matter anyway and I'm not getting into this right now," I paused, realizing that I was rambling. "Edward, I had already made plans to go with Jake to breakfast this morning. I didn't know you were going to be here. I'm sorry, but I really do need to go. Can we do this another time?"

"When shall I come back?" Edward returned in desperation. "I can wait an eternity for you Bella. I only pray it isn't that long. We've lost so much precious time that we can never get back. Please don't have us waste anymore."

I couldn't believe his nerve. He was testing me in front of Jake. I knew I couldn't give in. It would be a moot point anyway, given his obvious closeness to the strawberry blonde at Eclipse last night. "I'm not sure when I'll be back. I promised Jake that I would show him around. I have your number Edward. You can thank Alice for that," I replied in mild frustration. "Let's be honest so there's no misunderstanding. I'm not really ready for the road this conversation is going to travel. All I can say is that I promise I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

Jacob stood basking in pride at the fact that for once, I had chosen him over Edward. His lip curled up in a small smirk. "Okay well this has been fun, but it's goodbye time Edward. It was so nice to see you again. Tell your girlfriend we said hello. Bella said she's very pretty. I guess congratulations are in order," Jake replied sarcastically, opening the door to rush Edward's departure.

I heard Edward hiss under his breath but he steadied himself quickly, cautious not to lose his temper. Jacob had no idea how much danger he was really putting himself in.

"Tanya is not my girlfriend. She's a persistent annoyance that has finally made her departure for home, much to my relief. And yes congratulations are definitely in order on her departure."

Edward reached for my hand and ever so lightly rubbed it against his lips. Closing his eyes he inhaled deeply, taking in my scent, then placed a soft kiss on top of my hand.

"I'll be waiting for you," he said, smiling his beautiful crooked smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. His scent wrapped around me and I lost all concentration. He had done it again. He dazzled me and took my breath away, leaving me paralyzed in a dreamy haze. It took me a minute to realize that he was gone and sharply I felt the void of his absence. It was not a feeling I was prepared to reminisce.

_Get control of yourself! _I mentally scolded.

Jacob looked furious. I pushed away my self-pity and reigned in the emotions that I suddenly seemed to be wearing on my sleeve.

"How can you let him do that?" He scowled.

"Do what? What are you talking about?" I knew good and well what he was talking about.

"I'm talking about letting him get all Rico Suave on you. That shows weakness Bella and you are NOT weak! Don't let him come in here and make things complicated for you. Last night you were all about telling him to piss off and today you're telling him you love him and promising to call? You're logic is clouded by your heart. You're asking for trouble." Surprisingly Jake was being rational and not just speaking out of hatred for Edward.

I smirked, hoping to lighten the sudden tension encompassing Jake. "I said I loved both of you. Besides, we both know he's not just going to go away. And don't look at me like that; I'm going to have to talk to him eventually. There's no way around it. Complicated or not, it is what it is. Let's just forget about this for now and go get something to eat. How'd the bike look? Can you fix it?" I changed the subject quickly, hoping that Jacob would as well.

"I'm already done. It was minor so it shouldn't give you anymore problems," Jake answered confidently.

"Thanks Jake… and hey… if it's any consolation to you, Edward hates knowing I ride a bike. He thinks it's too dangerous. So by you fixing it for me, he's going to probably be pissed off for at least the next couple of years." Jake seemed to cheer up instantly.

We left immediately. I let Jake drive the bike while I rode behind him, struggling to wrap my arms around the enormity of his ever growing torso. We spent the morning talking over breakfast and the remainder of the weekend catching up on all we had missed in each other's lives since the last time we had seen each other. We went to several local attractions and gambled a little. Jake was a simple man, there wasn't much that we wouldn't have fun doing.

Much too quickly the weekend had flown by and Jake was preparing to head back to the "Rez" as he so lovingly called it.

"I'm really going to miss you Jake. I really wish you could stay."

"I know. I'm going to miss you more than you realize. You know how it is though; the Rez is the only place that is really home for me and I have responsibilities there. But Bella, I want you to be smart about this thing with Cullen. Don't you dare put yourself in danger of going through all of the hurt again. I thought I would never pull you out of the practical coma that you were in."

"I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. Jake if I'm being honest, in my heart I know it's him, it's always been him. But then in his absence I met Rob, and he fits too. He's no Edward, but he's nice and a really good guy." Jake seemed relieved at the possibility of my having moved past Edward. He even seemed to be silently encouraging me with his eyes, pushing me towards Rob. "That's enough about me. What about you? Have any prospects out at the Rez?"

"Nope...but it's complicated. I'll have to explain another time," Jacob replied quickly, dancing around the subject, and brought it back to me and Edward. "Just promise me that you won't jump back into anything with him… please?"

"What's your deal, Jake? It's just Edward. I can handle it." _He's acting so weird…_

"I know. That's what worries me. He's a damn leech Bella. He'll suck the life right out of you and leave you for dead." Jake began shaking; trembling actually. He looked almost… in pain.

I couldn't control my thoughts. _Shit! Does he know? He couldn't… but… why would he say that? Why would he choose a leech… and sucking the life out of you? No way. He can't know… _

"Are you okay? Why are you freaking out?" I reached out to caress his arm to try and calm him, but he flinched when I touched him and I quickly pulled my hand back. He was hot. Like really hot!

Jake studied me wide eyed, like I'd just discovered some secret he'd been keeping.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I have to go now," he said as he quickly grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Wait! What? What's going on Jake? You're just leaving? Just like that?"

I didn't understand his now sudden urgency to get away. "You've got to give me some answers. What's happening with you? It's obvious Jake! You're being all protective and I get that, but something definitely isn't adding up here."

He turned to face me with a sad grimace on his sweet face, still trembling. He looked like he was freezing to death with the convulsive tremors rushing through him. That is with exception of the excessive heat radiating from his body. I could feel it just standing near him. Something was wrong.

"I can't really talk about it right now, but I'll explain soon enough… I'm really sorry. I love you Bells, you know that… I promise I'll call soon. You just be careful around Cullen. He's not good for you. He will hurt you if you let him. It's just what he is."

With every sentence he spoke of Edward, and with his angry reaction to anything about him, it had me terribly curious just what was going on, and just how much Jacob really knew about the Cullens.

Jake wouldn't tell me. But… maybe Edward would.

*~~~~~*

It had been several days since Jake had headed back to La Push and he wasn't answering his phone. I had even called Billy several times, but he kept giving me the run around.

Edward respected my request, and I hadn't heard anything else from him after having asked him to leave before.

Something weird was happening. It wasn't prevalent, but I could feel it in my bones. It's like that feeling you get when the seasons change from one to the next. It was difficult to explain. A strangeness, almost like being unaligned with the universe, and you know that something larger than yourself is taking place. I remain unchanged, but it was as if everything around me heard a silent call and l sensed a change coming in the air.

Of three things I was absolutely certain. One – Edward was back, and although I'm still helplessly in love with him, I wasn't sure if I could trust him not to break my heart again. Two – Jacob had a secret. A secret that appeared to cause him pain and made him instinctively turn on the idea of Edward and I together. I would have to do whatever I could to find out just what that secret was. And Three – I would soon come face to face with a choice between my current life and a life that once again included the supernatural. I just wasn't sure how, or even if, those two worlds could ever co-exist in harmony.

It appeared that fate was playing a cruel round of Russian roulette with my sanity. The chamber was spun, and the hammer cocked and ready. It was time to pull the trigger and see if I could make it out alive.

I dialed Edward's number, but hung up before it even had a chance to ring.

_What do I even say to him? This is so fucking awkward… Wait a minute. Why am I so nervous? He's the one that's supposed to be groveling. Do I even want him to be groveling? _

I knew I did.

I dialed again, and steeled myself this time not to disconnect the line. It only took 2 rings before he answered.

"Hello Bella," Edward answered smoothly.

"Um… yeah… Hi…." I had worked myself up to dial the number, and then was at a total loss for words. I sighed heavily into the receiver.

"Is there something you'd like to talk about, or did you just want to breathe in the phone? I'm rather enjoying the latter," he replied, playfully cautious.

"You think you're so funny, smart ass! Ha, Ha," I replied sarcastically. "No, I believe you wanted to talk the other day and I told you I would call you, so this is me keeping that promise." I sighed, relieved to have constructed a coherent thought.

"I do want to talk to you Bella, but what I have to say needs to be said in person. May I come over so we can talk? Or would you like to come here? I know everyone would be happy to have you. I just need to… see you."

He spoke with such love and…sadness? It was indistinguishable which was more predominant. That's what scared me. That is precisely why I couldn't trust him. I fell for him once. Honestly, I never recovered from that fall. Then he left and my world was shattered. Even though emotionally he seemed so convincing, I was terrified to believe him; terrified to fall any further. I knew it would dampen any romance with his family all around, and if he came to my place and we were alone, I couldn't guarantee as much.

"I'll come there," I thoughtfully replied.

Edward gave me directions before interjecting, "I'll be waiting for you my love, please hurry. I've missed you so much," he paused and then finished, "I truly love you Bella, I swear on everything I hold sacred."

I sat in silence. _What am I suppose to say to that? I can't tell him I love him, even though I do... but that's not the point._

I thought for a moment about how I should respond, and then began, "Okay… well I better get going. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He sighed softly into the phone. "Okay, see you soon. Be safe," he whispered, and then the line went dead.

My heart beat uncontrollably and I fought to keep the tears at bay. I wanted nothing more than to tell him he was the world to me and that I wanted him as much as he claimed to want me. I just couldn't bring myself to let go. It was too soon. I would need solid proof of his affection in order to take that step.

If I were being honest with myself, I knew I would need him to change me in order to know that he truly would love me forever. Doubt instinctively set in. I knew that it would never happen. He would never agree to it. He was always so adamant about my being human. There was no need to prepare for the disappointment; I already knew it would be waiting there for me.

Right now I needed answers, so I resolved to push those thoughts far from my mind. I grabbed my Stitch & Swash hand bag and my keys, and headed off into the night where I knew his tormenting beauty awaited me. My stomach clinched in perfect agony at the realization that I still craved him. I wanted to be in his presence. _In his arms… In his heart…_ No amount of time would ever change that. _Stay focused Bella! Tonight is about answers!_

I decided not to ride my bike in order to prevent a cataclysmic meltdown of Edward's sanity, opting instead to drive my other baby. My 2010 Chevrolet Camaro Z-28. I slid into the sleek, black leather seat and buckled up for the ride. Shifting into drive, I began on the road back to the family I had once claimed as my own with hopes that I could somehow find a way to hold onto them once again.

APOV

"She's coming here! Now!" I screamed out in excitement.

Esme and Carlisle looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Jasper and Emmett came running into the kitchen, abandoning the video game they had been playing. Rose sat haphazardly looking at me from under her long eyelashes while painting her fingernails and Edward was nowhere in sight.

"Edward, get your sulking ass down here!" I screamed through the house, even though it was not necessary. I could have politely told him in my thoughts, but this was too exciting. She was really coming to see us. My vision was quick and not in great detail as to how she came to the decision, but she came up the drive in a red car with black racing stripes; a nice sporty car. I couldn't help but consider that Rose would admire Bella's choice in transportation.

Edward walked slowly into the kitchen. Esme and Carlisle were still eyeing us skeptically. Rose, being the bitch that she is, couldn't contain herself to let me break the news.

"Bella's coming here, that's what this is all about," she spoke to Esme and Carlisle.

Now enlightened, the confusion lightened on their faces and was instantly morphed into a questioning glance between me and Edward.

"Ummm… so yeah we saw Bella. She lives here in Vegas now," I replied hastily.

Who knew what they would think after so long? I mean of course they love her as much as we do, but it's been so long since our departure in Forks. I feared their apprehension at re-involving ourselves in her life given the last outcome.

Edward stood silent looking between us all.

"Did you know?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied flatly.

"Aren't you excited? What's wrong with you? She's coming back!" He could be so obtuse sometimes.

"Yes Alice, but it's difficult. I don't think she wants me anymore. If she's happy with her life, and with _him_, I don't know that I should press the issue." He sulked over and sat down at the kitchen table, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm such a fuck up. How could I ever have let her go?"

"I saw you together, that's why I set you up to see her again," I told him. I needed him to understand why I deceived him before. I knew it was in his best interest.

"That was before she had made any choices Alice, and your visions are subjective," he replied disbelievingly.

"Don't you dare bet against me! Not with this! You two will be together Edward… even if I have to change her myself!" I braced myself for Edward's wrath.

"NO!" he yelled out, leaping up from the table as he began pacing and pulling at his hair like a mad man. "You can't do that! I won't let you," he replied desperately.

Carlisle stood from the table and came around, stopping Edward's pacing and put his hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Edward, listen son… you have chosen not to stay away from her. You must know there's no alternative, and I will not lose my son. So if Bella wants to be a part of this family then she shall be," Carlisle patted his shoulder in consolation.

Edward sulked further, sitting back down and hanging his head, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I don't want her to feel the pain. I don't want to steal her soul. But if she'll have me, I don't want to live without her any longer. This is all so very torturous. How can I even comprehend killing the only one that makes me feel alive?" He sobbed tearlessly.

"You wouldn't be giving her death Edward. You would be giving her an eternity of love," Esme replied with a sad smile. "She's always loved you and wanted you, but if you deny her again you may very well lose the only one you've ever loved. You need to consider your options very carefully. This may be the last time you have this chance."

"I told her I loved her. I've told her repeatedly, but still she went with _him_. She chose _him_ Esme," Edward replied, fear evident in his tone. "What if she really doesn't want me anymore? What then? I don't know what to do then."

Jasper, Emmett, Rose and I all eyed each other. Carlisle and Esme again bore confused glances at us.

I knew Carlisle and Esme needed clarification, but I also knew I had to tread lightly.

"Bella told Edward that he needed to stay away from her. She just doesn't trust him. It's been three years, she's built a life here, with some rather flamboyant personalities I might add, and she doesn't seem to know how to handle our return," I explained. "She seems happy to see us, but scared to let us in. I can't say I blame her. What we did was terrible. We never should have abandoned her."

"Her friends hate me," Edward spoke up. "They all knew about my leaving and they hate me, maybe she does too. How else would they feel so strongly about it all? She's had to have said something to them."

I couldn't stand seeing him beating himself up and doubting Bella's love for him. She loved him. I would put my own existence on it, but I couldn't prove it to him, because technically Edward was right… I hadn't had a vision since her seeing him again. So I couldn't confirm or deny anything yet.

"Edward, you know that's not true. Don't even entertain the thought. This is Bella we're talking about here. She loves you. I would bet anything on it! But sulking isn't going to get her back. You cannot take no for an answer, and you cannot get discouraged. You need to get focused, and win her back," I replied.

"Her friends don't know you Edward, fuck them!" Rosalie interjected.

This caused a tiny smirk on the faces of Jasper, Emmett and myself at the remembrance of her speech about no one butting in. And yet she went to the rescue and faced down the firing squad victoriously.

"Yeah, fuck'em Edward, you get your girl back!" Emmett voiced and clapped his hands together loudly, then rubbed them together quickly. It appeared like he was trying to start a fire with sticks at a camp out.

Edward clinched his jaw and softly nodded at Emmett. He took a deep breath and a resolve of determination set across his face. I just knew he was going to win her back. He had to. And I would make sure that neither Heaven nor Hell, or anything in between was going to get in his way.

The door bell rang and Edward quickly exchanged glances with us all in turn. A mischievous smile crept across his lips as he rose from his seat and headed in the direction of the front door.

I couldn't contain my excitement as I bounced in place and clapped my hands. Finally it seemed this turmoil would be coming to an end.

EPOV

I opened the door and there she stood, more beautiful than any memory my mind could conjure. I could feel the electricity tingling between us and briefly I wondered if she felt it too.

"Bella, please come in." I smiled and stepped aside, holding the door open for her entrance.

"Thanks," she responded and strode past me into the foyer leading into the living room.

Her scent assaulted me in the most heavenly way and my mind quickly drifted; as did my eyes to the place of her jugular, thrumming steadily to the heart beating strongly in her chest.

We stood there for what seemed like hours, looking into each other's eyes before the awkwardness became too much and we both glanced away.

She giggled softly and shook her head the slightest bit.

"I'm sorry Edward, I don't know how to act around you," she admitted, breaking the silence.

"Please, just be true to how you feel. I have caused enough deceit… but no more. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable, I don't intend to do so," I answered. She was so hard to judge. I still didn't know where I stood with her. I pressed on carefully, hoping that each consecutive statement wouldn't cause her to flee from me.

"What exactly is it that you need to say to me in person, Edward?" she asked simply.

"I just wanted a chance to talk to you uninterrupted. So that we could clear some things up about my leaving, and everything that's happened since then, but it seemed too heavy a conversation to have across the phone…and I needed to see you. It's selfish I know. I'm sorry." True to my cause, I answered honestly.

"Edward," she began. The tone of her voice was soft and seemingly understanding, but still hesitant.

"No… Bella please let me talk. I need to say this before I lose the nerve." I smiled softly, praying in the back of my mind that she wouldn't turn and walk back out the door. She stood steady, so I continued.

"Look, I know you don't believe that I love you. I know that I don't deserve the chance to prove you wrong, but I'm asking for it anyway. I've known for a while, but the realization of watching you the other night, when you left with that guy, broke my heart again. I have made so many mistakes in my time, but I know now that I made the worst possible error of my existence in lying to you and in letting you believe that I didn't want you. I always want you Bella. I don't know if you have it in your heart to forgive me, but I pray that you do…because I honestly don't know how to live without you. Bella, please tell me that you don't love him. Tell me that I haven't lost you to this _man._"

There was so much more going through my mind that I needed to say, but I knew she would never get a word in edgewise and I would be rambling all night, so I summed it up the best I could and braced myself for her reply.

Tears streamed silently down her face as she looked to the floor and back to me. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

Not knowing her thoughts was killing me. Were those tears of happiness at the knowledge that I truly loved her? Or tears of sadness for everything I've put her through? Possibly tears of anger for my having the nerve to beg her forgiveness? Was it her final gesture before she told me goodbye forever? I was losing my mind in anticipation, the possibilities seemed endless and I couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Please say something," I pried cautiously. "I can't read your mind." She knew this full well, but I made the point regardless.

And then she spoke.

"Does Jacob know what you are?" she asked softly.

_WHAT??? I just put my heart out on the line and she's worried about the dog? What did he say to her? Does she know what he is? I hoped I could win her back before having to tell her this. _

"Yes," I answered simply, not offering any further detail.

"How does he know?"

She was stubborn, but I hoped she would let this go. _Not likely._

I stood silent for a moment. It was my turn to look at the floor and then back to her.

"How does he know Edward? I need some answers. Something's going on with him. I can feel it, but I'm in the dark. I'm worried about him. If you know something, tell me," she pressed.

"Why don't you ask him?" I answered, a little more contritely than necessary and instantly regretted it when I saw the hurt surface in her eyes.

"I did. He won't tell me. Is something happening to him? Is he going to be alright Edward? Just tell me what the hell is going on!" she replied impatiently.

"He's not who you think he is, you need to stay away from him Bella. He's dangerous," I finally answered.

She calmed instantly. A mock smile graced her face while she stood shaking her head from side to side.

"You know the funny thing is… that's what he told me about you, before he had a meltdown and fled my apartment. He was trying to convince me to stay away from you." She stared straight into my eyes and I thought for a moment that I felt my un-beating heart explode.

"You know I would never hurt you…" I started, but stopped myself. I had already hurt her. I had not bitten her (despite her insistence that she wanted me to) nor left her with any flesh wound for that matter. I did much worse. Her heart was torturously scarred and her trust broken. "I wouldn't hurt you like what that _mongrel_ is insinuating. I can't say the same for him," I replied in irritation. "He's a wolf Bella."

"What?" she asked mystified.

"He's a wolf. It's a gene that's passed down hereditarily in their tribe. They are our only enemy. Well not _our _enemy, but the only natural enemy of the vampire. We have a treaty with the tribe. So long as we do not hunt humans, the treaty is kept and no boundaries are crossed," I answered.

Fear took hold of her and I could see the panic begin to set in.

"Is that why he was trembling? Is that why he ran away from me?"

"He was trembling?" I asked.

_How dare he risk putting her in danger! She must have angered him._

"Yeah, he started telling me that you were no good for me and that I need to stay away from you because you will 'suck the life out of me'. Don't worry; the irony wasn't lost on me. I suspected immediately that he knew what you were, but I wasn't about to ask him. He was shaking and trembling as if I had angered him, and then he just told me that he had to leave and that he'd be in touch. He begged me to be careful of my decision to be around you," she replied, blushing.

"You told him that you were going to be around me?" I asked, hopeful.

"It wasn't like that Edward. I told him that I knew that we would have to talk eventually. I knew I couldn't go on forever with this thorn in my side."

I felt my hope plummet.

"Is it too much for me to ask you for an answer now?" I asked.

"An answer? To what are you referring?" She tilted her head and nibbled on her lower lip.

I envied her mouth at that moment. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and erase all the damage that I had done so that things could be good between us again; so that there could even be an 'us' again.

"Can you forgive me for all that has happened? Can we try to work this out?" I asked, dropping down on my knees in front of her. "I miss you Bella. I don't want to go on without you in my life any longer. I will do anything to reclaim your heart...name it and I'll do it." I reached up and took her hand, holding it to my chest while I stared up into her beautiful deep eyes.

Still she didn't answer. She began to shift from foot to foot, nervously looking around the room. She was looking anywhere but at me.

"I'll change you," I whispered, so audibly low that she nearly couldn't hear me, but she did.

"What?" she asked unbelievingly, her eyes widened and shifted to look straight into mine. I wasn't sure I could repeat it. I wasn't even sure I could follow through if she accepted. I was grasping at straws.

"What did you just say?" she asked again.

"I said I'll change you. I'll do it if it will make you happy. I'll do it if it will make you stay with me," I answered, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I didn't want it to happen this way. I don't know what would have been a better alternative. This was always the time in our relationship that I dreaded most, because time was against us and eventually I would have to embrace the finality one way or the other. That didn't make it any less difficult.

"Now you'll change me? Now! After all that's happened? Why now Edward? Is it because of Rob, or Jacob? If so…that's not fair and you know it."

She put her free hand on her hip defensively, awaiting an answer, but I wasn't sure how to answer without upsetting her. She was so untrusting that she wouldn't believe that I loved her, no matter how many times I repeated it, and yeah, so maybe her being close to either of those guys made me more than uncomfortable.

Seconds seemed like hours as I contemplated how to respond, but I never got the chance. I was still on my knees with her hand held to my chest when she pulled away from me.

"You're sure you want me for forever, but you can't even tell me why," she replied in equal anger and disappointment. "You can't tell me you love me Edward, because even if you do, love isn't enough. Love didn't keep you here three years ago. It has to be more than love."

I didn't get a chance to respond before she walked out the front door and headed to her car.

Alice came into the living room glaring at me.

"Well?" She questioned, folding her arms across her chest.

"Well What?" I replied frustrated.

"Go after her you dumb ass! No one said it would be easy! She's still here Edward, she's not gone, but she won't sit in her car and wait forever before she does decide to leave."

"I've never done this Ali… I don't know what she wants to hear! I don't know what to do! The more I do the more it seems to fuck everything up!"

"I didn't ask for excuses! Edward Anthony Cullen, get your ass up and get out there now, or so help me I will go out there, and when I get to her there will be no more decisions to make," Alice threatened.

In that moment I didn't dare bet against Alice. I knew that if Bella were to be changed, I would be the one to do it. I stood from my knees and ran out the door to the driveway where Bella sat in her car, staring into the night sky.


	7. Chapter 7 Intruder

Chapter 7

EPOV

The air was charged with tension as I slowly made my way to her car. She eyed me skeptically during my approach, but never made reach for the ignition. She had run from me a few moments before, and yet it was as if she were now waiting for me. I'd give anything to know what she was thinking; the unedited version that is. I knew Bella well enough to know that she was holding back. Whether it was for the protection of her sanity, or because of her complete loss of faith in my ability to care, I couldn't tell.

I approached the driver side window and she looked up at me from under her lashes. She lowered the window, and the moon shone against her pale skin giving her an iridescent glow. She focused on the gauges behind the wheel waiting for me to say something. I contemplated her statement from before 'Love isn't enough. It has to be more than love.'

I cleared my throat as the venom began to pool at the back of my mouth. She finally made eye contact with me again. I could sense her impatience and I knew if I didn't say something soon, she would leave just as Alice had said.

"What about need? What if I need you, Bella? Love isn't the only thing I have for you."

She closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. I smirked internally at the unconscious habit that she had apparently picked up from me. It made me feel that in some small way I had been with her all along. If I had a pulse it would have been racing in anticipation of her reply, but as I didn't I stood quietly awaiting a response.

"Edward, why are you doing this? Why now?"

She opened the door and stood to face me. Closing the door behind her, she leaned casually onto the side of the car crossing her arms over her chest. I took this as a gesture not to approach her.

"If you had offered me immortality _before;_ I would have jumped at the chance. Hell, Edward, I practically begged for it. But you refused me. You told me you didn't want me and you disappeared.

You know, I can't help but wonder if I hadn't run into Alice that night at Eclipse… if you would have ever come to find me. I can't help but doubt that you would have. Actions speak louder than words, Edward, and yours did just that.

So how can I now decide that I'm ready to give up my life for you?

I was ready to walk away from everyone I ever loved, my friends, my family… all for you, and you said no. You made me feel that the decisions I had made were insignificant.

I really want to believe that you love me. In a way that thought brings me comfort, but it also makes me think about how everything has changed. I have changed. And that forces me to realize that the consequences and risks of being with you are much greater now," Bella finished as her eyes wandered from me and back to the evening sky.

She couldn't look at me when she spoke those final words. It was as if she had settled to the fact that we weren't meant to be after all. I won't lie, I was scared.

There wasn't an enemy in sight, but the sting of her words threatened to undo me where I stood. I began to question whether she wasn't the most fearsome predator alive.

The fire laced in her words rivaled the pain of transformation. In their own way they represented a transformation that had taken place in her when I left. No! Not when I left… It was when I never came back.

What could I say? What did she want to hear? I began to think that I would have no choice but to hang my head and take the loss, but my heart battled my mind and I just couldn't give up. Not yet! _Fight for her you idiot! There is no other option. Stop apologizing and start proving yourself!_

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry I offered to change you. Not because I don't want to, and not because I don't want you, but because you're right… I don't want it to be like this.

I want the decision to make that transformation to come from love, and a desire to spend all eternity together. I can't explain why I didn't want it before. I felt like I was protecting you from becoming a monster; from losing all the things that you were so eager to dismiss.

I understand now that I was wrong. It wasn't my choice to make.

It should come natural in a relationship to want to take things to the next level and I refused to budge. I can't blame you for loathing me, but please understand that I want to be a better man for you, Bella. I'm not ready to give up on you. I'm not going anywhere! I'm not going to stop trying to re-gain your trust and with any luck… your love."

Seemingly emotionless she stared back at me before she replied.

"We've never had a _natural_ relationship, Edward. Everything about our relationship is completely un-natural."

I was just about to object to her statement; to point out that Love is natural even if you are a monster, but I never got the chance. Her cell phone began ringing, and she climbed back into her car to retrieve it from her bag.

BPOV

I should have just driven away when I had the chance. Standing there arguing with Edward over what should or shouldn't have happened wasn't changing anything. I wanted him to change me, but I wanted him to _want_ it more. I didn't want him just giving in because he felt forced to trap me into eternity with him.

The more he talked the more prevalent it became that he didn't really want that. He just wanted me not to reject him. He was willing to compromise everything he believed he had been protecting me from all along for this sudden urgency to 'claim' me. _Funny how a little competition affected him so strongly._

As flattering it should have been, I couldn't help but feel that he embodied a silver tongued devil at that point. I couldn't believe anything he was saying because I didn't know if he truly meant it, or if he just assumed it was what I wanted to hear.

I came here to get answers about Jake. I got them alright! I would say that I'm shocked beyond all belief, but the truth is that it wasn't all that long ago that I didn't believe in vampires. So why couldn't Jake be a wolf? I mean what's one more monster in my circle, right?

While replaying all this new information in my mind, Edward opened his mouth about to say something. He never got the chance. My phone rang interrupting him.

It was a Text from Ana:

_**OMG!! Bella where are you? Please reply!! I just need to know you're okay – someone broke into our apartment. The place is a mess! Please be okay!! – Luv U – Ana**_

I couldn't keep the panic off my face, and Edward must have read me like a book.

"Bella, what is it? Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Um… give me a minute okay… I need to call my friend Ana, something terrible has happened."

He didn't question me further; just shook his head to let me know that he understood, so I stepped a few feet away and dialed Ana's number. _Please pick up! Please pick up! Why aren't you answering?_

"Hello?" Ana finally answered on the fourth ring.

"Oh thank God, are you okay Ana?" I asked in panic, still startled from her text.

"I'm fine. Where are you? I've been so freaking worried! All of our shit is thrown everywhere! The place is a wreck, but it doesn't look like anything is missing," she replied, her voice quivering.

"I just needed to know that you were okay, Bella," she sighed. "After the incident at Eclipse… and your Ex and his family coming back around, I didn't know if they drug you off in the desert to eat you or something."

How appropriate that she would say something like that at a time like this.

"I'm coming home. I'll be there in just a bit okay? Keep the doors locked and keep your phone handy. I'll be there as fast as I can," I replied.

"Okay. I've called the Police… they should be here any minute. I'll see you soon, Bella, be careful."

"I will. You be careful too. I love you girl, I'm on my way," I replied and then ended the call.

I turned and faced Edward, walking back toward my car.

"Edward, I have to go… can we finish this conversation later?" It was more of a statement than a question.

He stepped forward to open my car door for me. I glanced into his ochre eyes momentarily, as he held the door for me. He reached to envelop me into an embrace before my departure. It felt awkward at first. We had just been debating the nature of our relationship, and I couldn't find it in me to reciprocate, but I allowed him to hold me for a moment.

"I wish you didn't have to leave so soon," he replied, but didn't fight me.

It felt good to be in his arms, but I was careful not to put too much enthusiasm in my response. He leaned his cheek down to rest atop my head, and I felt his breath across my face as he sighed in… relief? After a moment I found that I was allowing myself to get too comfortable in this position. Jolting at the realization that I needed to be on my way back to my apartment, I hesitantly pulled away from him. I needed to see Ana. I needed to assess the damage, but most importantly I needed to determine just who would do such a thing, and why?

After climbing into the driver seat and rolling down the window, Edward stepped back and shut my door. I told him that I would give him a call, and we could plan a time to finish our conversation. He agreed, asking that I not wait too long before calling him. I just nodded in response. I didn't know how long it would take me to come to terms with what we were, or weren't for that matter. I just needed some time to think about what I really wanted.

I cranked the car, and the engine roared to life. I gave a small smile that felt foreign on my face as I pulled away, travelling back down the long drive. As I glanced in my rearview mirror at the Cullen's house and Edward falling behind in the distance, I felt stricken. I came expecting disappointment in knowing that he would never change me. I didn't expect to leave in disappointment that he had offered to change me but I had refused.

I cursed myself for making the trip, because I _had_ come for answers from Edward, but I had very much been looking forward to seeing the rest of the family as well; even if it wasn't the best idea. I've missed all of them so much. I just wanted a chance to hug Carlisle's neck, and see Esme's soft smile. I wanted to see Alice bouncing around in excitement and hear Emmett's roaring laughter.

Jasper's southern charm would have flooded the room, and surprisingly I even wanted to see Rosalie. She would have probably just scowled in my direction, but she was part of the family. Even with her bitchy disposition, in my own way I had missed her as well.

I never got the chance. I had gotten in so deep with Edward upon my arrival, and fled so quickly in frustration of him 'giving in' for the wrong reasons that I had completely forgotten about my desire to see them.

To deter my frustration on that fact, I cranked up the radio and headed home deep in thought.

EPOV

Silently she turned away from everything that I had been trying to say. But tonight I realized something important. I'd lived over one hundred years and never felt anything like this before. I had never been in love… until Bella.

With all that I have seen, learned, and endured; the complexity of a relationship was foreign to me. In my short time with her, and the unbearable time without her, I've learned that love is complicated and yet amazing. It's enough to drive you mad, or make you turn to mush. It's infuriating and yet fulfilling. It will probably take me every day of forever to understand it completely, if that is even possible.

But I would do that willingly… for her… for my love… my Bella. _I have to make her mine again._

Pulling myself from my thoughts, I watched her taillights fade into the distance. I began replaying the conversation she had just had with Ana in my mind. Someone broke into her apartment. Ana was worried for Bella's safety, and I had to admire that quality in her friend. I knew that I would follow shortly behind Bella, even if I had to watch over her from a distance. I would make sure that she was safe, but first I needed to go inside to calm the devil pixie that I just realized was screaming and cursing me in my thoughts.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME EDWARD? What the fuck? I know you can hear me!" Alice screamed in my head.

I had been blocking out the thoughts of my family during Bella's visit, and apparently Alice had been trying to get through to me for quite some time.

"Edward, get in this house this instance! I had a vision while you've been screwing things up with Bella. I need to tell you about this. It's about a break-in at her place!"

That's all it took and I ran at full speed until I was standing face to face with a very angry Alice.

"Were you blocking me? Seriously?" she asked, eyeing me in suspicion. Her voice was laced with venom as she hissed at me when I nodded in confirmation. From the scowl on her face you would have thought that I had told her that her fashion sense was a joke. "What did you do? We wanted to see her too, you know!"

I cut her off before she could give me her full lashing. "Her friend called. That's why she left. Someone broke into her apartment and ransacked the place. She's heading back there now. What did you see? Who was it, Alice?" I asked impatiently, not giving her much of a chance to respond. "I'm going. I can't risk something happening to her… not now… not when I'm so unsure of where she stands with her mortality," I replied morbidly. "I can't lose her again."

APOV

"Well it's about damn time! Now, if you would just shut up for a minute I can tell you what I saw!" I screamed over Edward's anxious rambling. He continued his nervous pacing, but he had in fact shut up.

"I don't know who it was. This vision was different. It's like I could see everything through the intruder's eyes. I don't know if it was a man or woman, but they tore the place apart. It's like he or she were searching for something. I felt pure unadulterated rage, and then… confirmation. I don't know what it means. It's very frustrating! I do know that the intruder left. As the vision faded they were leaving the apartment, confident they had found what they were looking for. But they left with nothing, it doesn't make sense."

I had barely finished speaking when I looked up and realized that Edward was gone, leaving the front door standing wide open.

BPOV

I parked my car next to the red and blue flashing lights of the police cruiser that occupied my normal spot. I was grateful that they had arrived. My worry for Ana's safety calmed a bit knowing that they were here with her. I walked into the apartment and gasped at the utter destruction before my eyes.

There were vases broken, cabinet doors ripped from the hinges and clothes were thrown all around. The television was smashed, mirrors all shattered, and the couch was ripped; the stuffing bulging from the gashes. Ana was sitting on a bar stool near our kitchen counter giving a policeman a statement when she noticed me walk in. She jumped up and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Oh my God, I'm so glad you're okay! I just didn't know. You weren't here and glass was all over the floor. I didn't know what to do… I thought you had been taken," she sniffled into my hair.

I pulled away from her enough to look at her face. Her eyes were swollen and red. I knew she'd been crying for a while.

"I'm okay. I went to see Edward. I haven't really been gone all that long; they must have come in right after I left. How about you, are you going to be okay?"

She didn't have a chance to answer me, as the very nice Officer Landry interrupted us.

"Excuse me ladies, I hate to trouble you… but we need to wrap this up. You must be Bella?" he asked, lifting his pen from his clipboard and pointing in my direction.

"Yes, I'm Bella," I replied.

"Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Not at all, I'm happy to help anyway I can," I answered nodding nervously, still shaken from the chaos of it all. Ana nodded in agreement with me. She was still in shock, and I could feel the vibration from her trembling just standing next to her.

"You mentioned that you were out tonight. What time did you leave the apartment this evening?" He scribbled down notes while awaiting my answer.

"Um… it was around 8 p.m. I went to see a friend."

"Have you noticed any strange behavior from anyone around you? Friends? Family? Is there anyone that you can think of that would do this? Any enemies?"

He was thorough, I'd give him that.

"No; no one. I don't know who would do this. None of my friends would ever do something like this, and I have no family in Nevada. I've only lived here a few years," I answered, but didn't feel like the information I was giving would help much.

"Where did you live before coming to Nevada?" he asked, still scribbling.

"Um… Forks… Washington. My dad is the Chief of Police there. I lived with him until I came here."

"Did you have any enemies in Forks, before coming here?"

I was just about to answer his question, when there was a knock at the door. Ana jumped, and I patted her on the arm. "I'll get it," I told her. I opened the door to find Edward standing with a very serious look on his face, toeing the line of panic.

"I need to talk to you," he replied quietly.

I knew that he must have over heard me on the phone at his house, but he didn't say anything, so I didn't either. Apparently he still had not learned the value of personal boundaries. Now here he was.

Truthfully, I should have known better. He never would leave well enough alone.

"I can't talk right now; the police are taking a statement," I spoke hurriedly in a whisper, trying to shoo him away. He didn't budge. So, rolling my eyes, I stepped aside letting him come in. We were looking rather suspicious whispering in the doorway while Officer Landry stood patiently watching and awaiting my return.

I turned and stepped back in, walking past Edward into the living room. Ana's eyes widened at seeing Edward, and I could feel her stare drilling into me. I looked at her briefly and shrugged my shoulders to let her know that I didn't know why he was here.

"I'm sorry. What was your question?" I asked Officer Landry.

"I asked if you knew of any one that you would have considered an enemy while living in Forks?" he replied.

I was only half listening as I became further distracted watching Edward as he took in all the damage. Staring at the broken glass beneath his feet, a strange look pained across his face. He quickly looked up at me softening the furrow between his brows. There was something hiding behind those troubled eyes. I felt a shiver rush up my spine. I recognized the countenance he bore. It was the same look he had given me the day that he left me in the forest; like he knew something that I didn't.

I felt the blood drain from my face and my stomach clinched in remembrance of the succession of events the last time he had gotten that look in his eyes. I was suddenly heartbroken and I wasn't even sure what for. As if I had turned to stone; numbness traveled over me. I could feel a tangible darkness closing in; despair setting in my eyes. Edward glanced between me and Officer Landry, and then Ana nudged my elbow signaling me to answer his question.

I snapped out of the trance I had been in, but still felt the impending ache of nothingness waiting to pull me under. "Um… No. No enemies that I know of," I answered in a struggled whisper, trying to force the words past the knot that had formed in my throat. After glancing me over, thankfully he seemed satisfied with my answer.

"Alright, I can see that this has taken a toll on you ladies, and that's all the questions I have for now. If anything else comes to mind, anything at all… you can always give me a call," he replied, handing me and Ana a copy of his business card. We both nodded.

"It looks like a case of vandalism at this point, since nothing was stolen from the premises. These types of cases usually don't reoccur in the same place twice; so it doesn't appear that they have any reason to return. It might still be a good idea for you to stay somewhere else for a little while, but that is completely up to your discretion. I appreciate your time. You ladies be careful, and call me if you need me," he finished, nodding and giving a small wave as he walked out the door.

EPOV

Officer Landry didn't so much as get the door closed behind him before Bella countered on me.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered.

Ana had gone into her bedroom and began cleaning up the aftermath.

"I heard your call; I couldn't just stay there. Also Alice had a vision of someone breaking in here. She couldn't tell who it was, but they were searching for something. She said they found it, but they left with nothing. It didn't make sense… until now," I sighed.

"What are you talking about, Edward?" Bella's gaze never strayed from my eyes.

"Bella… it was Victoria. She's been here; I can smell her scent everywhere. She's back, and apparently she's still seeking vengeance for her lost love." I waved pointing at the destruction for example.

"You've got to be kidding me?" Bella was stunned. "But… why? I mean, I know why… but why now? It's been three years since you left; she's had plenty of time. She could have gotten to me at any point," she stated.

"I don't know for certain. Maybe because I'm here… maybe she's been around all along, biding her time. Who knows? The point I'm trying to make is that it's not safe for you here anymore," I stated matter-of-factly.

"What are you suggesting, Edward?" she asked, cocking her head to one side and throwing her hand up to rest on her hip.

Her smart ass little attitude was kind of cute, and under any other circumstances, it would have been a major turn-on. But right now I needed to focus on keeping her alive. A smile formed on my mouth on its own accord as I let the words slide from my lips. "Move in with me, Bella."

"What? No… I mean I can't… Edward, you know that can't work," she replied laughing a little, and running her fingers through her hair at the scalp.

"You can't stay here, it isn't safe. What if she comes back? The safest place you can be is with me. Beyond everything else that has happened between us, you must realize this, right? Bella, the fight for you is all I've ever known. Please come home with me. Let me protect you," I was pushing it, but she had to see reason.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"What about Ana? I can't leave her here. What if Victoria came after her because of me? I could never live with myself," she replied, shaking her head.

"She can come too. It will be difficult, but not impossible. Who _knows_ maybe I can actually convince her that I'm good enough for you, despite her current opinion of me," I replied, hopeful.

"Watch yourself, Edward. I haven't even decided that for myself yet," she warned. My ego took the strike and I didn't further that conversation.

From the moment I walked in with Bella, Ana was thinking about the ways that she would kill me if I hurt Bella again. She had all kinds of random thoughts of torture for me. I think the most creative was to render me helpless and tattoo the word 'loser' on my forehead. I laughed a little internally at that one. She was a feisty little woman, and she didn't trust me. I would have to work on that.

"I'm not as naïve as you think, Edward. It doesn't matter where I stay; you could really protect me from just about anywhere."

"Yes love, but there is strength in numbers and if you are at my house, then there are seven of us to protect you around the clock." I smiled. "Plus, Esme and Alice would love having you around. And I'm sure Ana would fit in just fine." I wasn't really sure, but hopeful. I didn't know Ana well enough to make that call, but she was a good friend to Bella, and that made it important to me.

"Okay…" she replied hesitantly, but I'll need to talk to her about it. She's not going to like the idea at all; it's going to take some convincing."

And it did. Bella must have talked to her for hours. It was getting late, and they were both exhausted. I attributed her caving partially due to that fact, but also Bella had convinced her that it would be the safest thing for them both. She also agreed that if it didn't work out she would happily move with Ana to somewhere else. I shuddered at that thought, but agreed.

VPOV

Watching them wonder around aimlessly, unsure of what to deal with first, was rather humorous. Did she really think that I had forgotten all about her? She always was a little naïve. When James had lured her to the Ballet studio with the video tape of her mother's voice, it was priceless. You would have thought she would have learned her lesson, but no, here she stood in the apartment I had just destroyed; still obliviously confused as ever.

I knew the second I entered the door that he had been there. His scent was unique and impossible to forget. Honestly I'm a little surprised that it took him this long to come back to her. Despite her being human, he had obviously chosen her as his mate. I knew that he would never be able to stay away, so I patiently watched her move on in her pathetic little life waiting for my opportunity, and now the time had arrived.

Sure, I could have killed her long ago, but what would have been the fun in that? He wouldn't have been around for the grand finale, and that just wouldn't have served my James justice. No, he would watch her suffer; watch her beg for her life as I slowly took it from her, and then he would know what hell truly feels like. All in good time, vengeance would be mine.


	8. Chapter 8 Strange Days

Chapter 8

Ana POV

We moved in with the Cullens two weeks ago. I fought Bella tooth and nail, but finally caved after she explained to me that she knew who had broken into our apartment. She said that it was a woman named Victoria, and that she had some kind of vendetta against her because of Edward. I didn't get too much detail out of her about that before she clammed up and asked me to just trust her.

She also mentioned that the law wouldn't be much help against this Victoria woman. I believed her. Her dad's a cop for crying out loud! If anyone could have done something about the woman it would have been him. I trusted Bella's judgment, so I decided that I would go with her. Besides, I wasn't about to leave her alone with _him_.

Edward has one of those dazzling personalities and I couldn't help but wonder if he and Bella split because of him cheating on her with this bitch Victoria. He could probably get any girl he wanted and my poor friend would have been caught in the crossfire. She clearly didn't want to talk about it so I didn't push the issue.

I found that the Cullens weren't too difficult to live with but they did have strange habits. For instance, I don't recall seeing a one of them sleep a wink…ever. Nor did I see them ever eat anything. Bella and I were always pretty much left to dine alone.

Yet surprisingly, other than the few bickering matches that I wound up in with Rosalie, I was pretty comfortable around them. Even so, nothing more had happened from Victoria and I was ready to get back to _my_ life and my shop. It was time I talked to Bella.

BPOV

Ana was ready to leave. That's all there was to it. I told her when I decided to come here that I would go when she was ready to, and I was not going to break my word. So… it was time to go.

"Where are we going to stay? Do you want to go back to the apartment?" I asked.

"No, I called Lala. She said she has plenty of room for us there. In fact, we can stay there pretty much indefinitely. She has two extra bedrooms and she lives alone. She actually told me she would love the company," she replied.

"Okay… sounds like a plan," I told her, taking a deep breath.

"Bella, you don't have to go with me. If you'd rather stay here I understand. It's whatever you feel safest doing." Ana smiled softly.

"No, I told you I would go when you were ready and I'm not backing out on you," I replied stubbornly. "So when do we go?"

JPOV

The tension had been at an all time high around the house over the past couple of weeks. Rosalie kept starting arguments with Ana and Bella. Emmett tried to keep the peace, but Rosalie was having none of it. When Emmett would try and calm her down, she would smack him in the back of the head and tell him to go run to the little human if that's what he wanted. He, as always, would follow up with 'Babe come on, it's not like that' to which she would roll her eyes and stomp off in a huff. He immediately followed after her of course.

When Emmett was around I was overwhelmed with sexual frustration. Rosalie was apparently withholding from him as punishment for him 'siding with the humans'. I could sense the foul mood festering under the surface, but he remained tolerable.

Carlisle stayed busy at the hospital, and Esme spent time reading and helping out at a local orphanage. She's never lost that maternal touch, so it was a perfect outlet for her.

Alice shopped… that's just what Alice does.

Emmett and I usually played video games… especially war games. I never lost my touch. I always tell Emmett 'once a soldier, always a soldier', but Emmett usually starts making excuses for his losses. I lost track of his methods of justification a long time ago.

When Rosalie wasn't picking fights with Ana, she was in the garage working on our rides. Who ever knew a princess could also be a grease monkey?

Edward was just Edward. He would pace around outside Bella and Ana's door. I always sensed anxiety from him. Plus, we had talked prior to all this and I knew how he felt about her. I felt especially tortured for him. She was literally everything to him, but she just couldn't see past 'the leaving'.

To occupy her time, Bella read and cooked. She would spend hours in the kitchen whipping up some fancy ass recipes for her and Ana. It always left the house smelling like shit, but I'm sure to her and Ana it was heaven on a plate.

Ana was anxious, curious, and just plain bored.

After a long two weeks of this, I wasn't surprised that I felt doom crashing in waves around me. Bella walked in the room with a troubled look in her eyes and I felt the air thicken as she approached.

That's when the shit hit the fan.

_5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Houston we have a problem!_

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Alice yelled, jumping up on the balls of her feet.

"Alice, I promised Ana that when she was ready to go, I would go. I don't want to go against my word to her," Bella replied.

"So what then… you're just going to leave us? When will we see you again? Where will you go? Don't you realize that this is suicide?" Alice rambled off question after question, not really giving Bella a chance to answer.

"Alice, you need to chill out. She's had three years to get to me and she didn't. I think everyone is overreacting a bit. And, besides… how do I know that Edward isn't just saying that it was Victoria to get me to come here. He's been very persistent lately; even though I've already told him how I feel," Bella answered.

As if there weren't enough emotions flying through the room, my dear brother must have overheard the conversation. Either that, or Alice tipped him off, because the next thing I knew, Edward was flying down the staircase.

I was silently grateful that Ana had been outside loading her and Bella's bags into their cars, because Edward didn't even attempt to hide the supernatural speed by which he traveled.

"Bella, what do you think you're doing?" Edward asked in panic.

"It's time for me to go, Edward. This isn't working anymore… we need to get back to our lives. Ana wants to go and I told her if she decided upon that, then I would go with her… so I am," she answered plainly.

"But Bella, Victoria…." Edward started, but Bella cut him off.

"Just stop! How do I even know that it really was Victoria, Edward? You have been trying everything to get me to just forget about what happened three years ago. How do I know you're not just saying this to make me afraid enough to need you around?" She raised an eyebrow and watched him in suspicion.

"You offered to change me… that isn't something _you_ would do… not even as a last ditch effort. The more I think about it, I can't help but feel that you're grasping at straws. And quite frankly, if what you're saying _is_ really true, then I'll know soon enough."

She really doubted him. He must have been very convincing that afternoon in the forest when he left. Her emotions were telling me that she didn't believe him. She really thought he was making it up.

"Bella, he's not lying to you…" I jumped in, trying to help her understand that Edward was telling the truth. "I can feel it, and I have never lied to you. You can believe _me_ right?" I asked.

"Jasper… look… it doesn't really matter if he's lying or not. I promised Ana I would go, and I'm not backing out on her," she answered matter-of-factly.

"I can't keep turning my world upside down… all the chaos is giving me whiplash." She sighed.

Carlisle walked in the front door, apparently just coming in from his shift at the hospital.

"What's going on? I saw that Ana is loading up her car?" he asked in mild shock, but mostly out of curiosity.

"Bella's leaving!" Alice yelled. "You have to make her stay Carlisle, it isn't safe, but she won't listen."

"She thinks I'm lying about Victoria," Edward spoke. "She thinks I'm grasping at straws to keep her around." He was hurting, but also mildly agitated. He bordered on feeling like he could do no right by her. No one had ever tested his patience so much… not even Emmett, and that was saying something.

Ana came walking back in the house, so everyone got quiet, including Bella.

"Well Bella, Ana, we are certainly going to miss having you around. It was nice to have your company while it lasted." Carlisle nodded toward them. "I wish you both the best of luck. You girls be careful."

Edward cast a quick glare at Carlisle, but just as quickly let it go, glancing at me and then around the room, before landing his sight back on Bella.

"Fine… if you must go, please just tell me where you're going and promise me that you'll call if you need me," Edward spoke to Bella, slightly harsh but definitely sad.

My eyes must have been protruding from the sockets. _What the hell just happened? Did he give up on her? _ Something more must have been going on that I was yet unaware of.

Bella walked past me toward the front door, her final bag in one hand, and patted me lightly on the back. "Thanks Jazz…," she whispered. _For what? Oh… she thinks I altered Edward's feelings to let her go. _

I couldn't even speak to deny that I had any involvement. I barely managed a ridiculous smile and shook my head to let her know it wasn't me, but she paid me no mind.

EPOV

I let her go. Well as far as she knew I was letting her go. She had to believe that she was calling the shots. Carlisle had shocked me by bidding them farewell so nonchalantly. But then quickly he countered to carry on a private conversation directed to the depths of my mind.

_Let her go Edward. You can always watch her from a distance. She'll never even know your there. Son, if you love something… in this case, someone… let it go, and if it returns to you, it was always yours, and if it doesn't then it never was._

_She'll return, but it will be in her time, not yours. You have to be patient… the more you force the issue, the further you will drive her from you._

He was right. I could watch her undetected and still try to progress our friendship, rather than trying to force her into my life. I should have known better. She was way too stubborn to just give in. Even if she wanted it too… she would never admit it. She was working on principle now.

Picking my broken heart up from the floor and tucking it away for later pining, I repressed my reckless intentions to beg and agreed to let her go. My only request was that she would tell me where she would be, and promise me that she would call if she needed me.

"We are going to stay with our friend Lala. She has a large house not too far from the shop. She's agreed to let us room with her indefinitely. And…. _If_ I need you, I promise I will let you know," she agreed.

This likely matched the complexity of the day I first let her go. Only now, I did it with the purpose of getting her back, no longer set on excluding her from my life; if one could even call it a life… without her.

Ana took Bella's bag from her hand.

"I'll go put this in the car… while you say you're good..b..uh I mean your see ya' laters," she told Bella.

"I appreciate your hospitality in letting me come with Bella, Mr. & Mrs. Cullen," she told Carlisle and Esme, who stood off to the side of the room.

"And, thank you to the rest of you for your kindness to me during my stay," she nodded to each of us. I couldn't help but feel grateful that Emmett and Rose had gone hunting. Rose would have been less than gracious I'm sure.

"You are quite welcome Ana. Any friend of Bella's is a friend of ours," Esme answered.

Ana smiled politely and nodded, then told Bella on her way out the door that she would just wait for her outside.

"Okay… I'll be right out," Bella replied.

Esme was the first to grab Bella in a hug and told her not to be a stranger, to which Bella smiled and promised not to be.

Carlisle took her hand lightly and petted the backside with his other hand. "Bella, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call. We are always here for you," he stated. Again Bella smiled softly and nodded.

She walked to Alice, who was still wholeheartedly pouting, and wrapped her arms tightly around her shoulders. "Alice… I'm sorry to hurt you, but I have to do this. I can't keep living in fear. I can't start hiding or I'll never have a normal life. I'll be careful, I promise. Don't be angry, okay?" she pled soft heartedly with Alice.

Alice looked sad, but forced a smile and nodded, hugging Bella back. "Okay, but please don't forget about me. We just got you back, and now I feel like I'm losing my best friend all over again," Alice replied.

"You'll never lose me, Alice. We'll be friends till the end," Bella answered.

Her words pelted me and I suddenly started to wonder if she had made her decision. '_Till the end…'_ _Did she not want forever with me anymore? If only I could tell what she was thinking…_

Bella followed on with Jasper, telling him to take care of Alice, and to be sure and let Emmett know that she would miss his goofy ass, to which her and Jasper shared a laugh. She gave him a quick hug, then released him and turned to face me.

I was several feet away, sitting on the arm of a chair close to the front door. It was impossible to miss that the room had now cleared, leaving me and Bella alone.

She slowly walked toward me; stopping just a foot or so from where I sat. She smiled uncomfortably and averted her gaze around the room. As she settled her approach, I stood and bridged the gap between us, pulling her attention back in my direction.

"Bella… before you leave…" _I love you, please don't go! _"I don't know how to do this…" I sighed, replying lamely. "I don't know how to let you go again."

Her eyes almost appeared to tear, but I could tell she was fighting it back.

"I'm sorry Edward. I don't know what to tell you. I wish I could just accept that. I wish it was enough, but… it just… isn't." She shrugged her shoulders and her brow furrowed as her gaze lowered from my eyes until she was frowning at her feet.

She continued, "I love you… Until the day I die, you will be the love of my life, but I can't just forget what happened. It hurts too much." She sighed and steeled herself to look me in the eyes once again.

"So… this is where it ends for us," she paused, "I'll keep my promise. If Victoria shows, I'll call… I'll let you know, but other than that, I think it would be best if we kept our distance."

_No… NO….NO!!! How could this happen? How could this have turned out so wrong? _

I didn't have time to respond before she closed the distance between us completely. The chocolate pooled windows to her soul poured straight into the liquid topaz void of my own. She quickly snaked her fingers through my hair, pulling gently, and collided her soft, warm lips to mine.

I couldn't hold back any longer. Memories of the way things used to be between us flooded through my mind and I grasped her tightly, returning her kiss with everything I had. An unbridled passion was unleashed from deep within me, combined with the heart shattering defeat of having lost her. I poured the depth of my being into this moment; in contemplation that this would be the last time I would know what it felt like to have her in my arms.

Suddenly I felt like such a fool for never having made love to her. The danger was there, but she had trusted me. I could have tried for her. But now I realized that I had ruined that chance… _so many regrets._ What I wouldn't give to claim her now… _so many things I would have done differently._

Bella began to pull away but I wasn't ready… I couldn't let go. I slid my tongue across her lower lip, evoking a small moan from her, and pressed my mouth strongly to hers once more. Before I knew it, she _had_ pulled away, gasping to catch her breath. That's when I noticed the tears streaming down her lovely face. This was _it_… and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

She released her hold on me and everything about her that made me feel alive died; my world was collapsing in. She steeled herself momentarily, and then stepped back wordlessly in retreat. Once she reached the door, she stepped through the threshold and finally spoke the words I knew were destined to finish me off. "Goodbye, Edward."

And then she was gone.

BPOV

The hardest thing I've ever done is purposely walk away from Edward Cullen. I spoke truthfully when I told him that I would love him till I died. But right now, I needed to focus on me; I needed to truly live, in order to decide if life was worth giving up. I couldn't give him any hope of forever until I was sure myself. So the only other option I had to make him give me some space was to hurt him… to make him believe that I really didn't want him anymore.

I couldn't just choose immortality when I wasn't even sure what _life_ really felt like? I decided it was time to really give living a try. It wouldn't be easy, but I _had_ to do it. I had to learn to love myself before I could consciously make any choice to live _forever_. I couldn't imagine feeling the way I currently did for all eternity. It would be purgatory, not paradise. There really was no other option. Ironically, I feared that learning to live again was going to kill me. I was only human after all.

After a long quiet drive, we arrived at Lala's place around twilight. Pulling into the large, three car garage, I realized just how big the house was. Before us stood three stories of beautiful stucco walls with iron balconies and red clay layered roofing. It was amazing!

Lala showed us the two extra rooms and let us take our pick. One of the available rooms was on the third floor. Well basically it _was_ the third floor. That room was like an attic loft that had a walk out onto one of the balconies. The other room was on the base level at the far backside of the house. It was nearly detached from the rest of the house, except being connected by a short hallway that lead into the kitchen and dining area. I chose the base level room. I liked the privacy and the fact that I would be close to the pool and Jacuzzi. I figured it would be relaxing to sit out by the pool and read on warm breezy days.

We made short time of properly moving in and quickly felt right at home. Edward called daily after I left him. I answered at first, but after a few phone calls of having to explain every last damn thing I'd done for the day, I tired of the stress, realizing that it was a moot point to leave him if I were going to stand for this. So after that, I just began ignoring his calls. I was sure he'd be pretty unhappy about it, but he needed a lesson in personal space; guided by my determination at personal growth, I was happy to oblige.

I made good use of the large deck that surrounded the swimming pool, which was embellished with a large craggy rocked waterfall and some tropical type greenery, landscaped to make it appear like an island get away. It was beautiful on its own, but also doubled as a diving platform into the pool.

The pool was also surprisingly invigorating. I found myself out there frequently, but never had I gotten the nerve to climb the waterfall and dive into the pool the way that Ana and Lala did regularly. It wasn't for their lack of trying; I just never conceded to it. Clumsy doesn't begin to describe me. I couldn't even consider diving without getting a visual of cracking headfirst into one of the rocks, filling the pool with blood, or hitting the bottom and breaking my neck.

Just after lunch time, I flopped down into one of the patio chairs to begin reading one of my classics, when _he_ called _again_. I stared at the caller id contemplating just answering the damn thing, when I staunched the thought and once again rejected the call. Frustrated, I laid my head back on the pillowed cushion and closed my eyes, taking a couple deep breaths to steady my aching heart.

_Why can't he just lighten up a little? Everything is not always a life or death situation…._

I was mumbling incoherently to myself when I realized that I was being shadowed by someone standing in my light.

"What are you doing?" Lala asked.

"Trying to relax," I replied with a smirk. "Not really working out like I'd hoped."

"Bummer," she said simply, smiling down at me.

"Well hey, I wanted to let you know that Ana and I have been talking, and it's been a while since I've had anyone over, so…. we were thinking about maybe having some friends over to swim and just chill. How would you feel about that?"

"Lala, it's your place, it's really up to you guys… I'm just… along for the ride," I answered cryptically.

"Okay cool, cause' they're coming over…. today." She smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I know it's kind of last minute notice. I just wanted you to be aware yah know… so you don't go streaking thru the house or anything." She chuckled out loud at the visual of me streaking thru the house, I'm sure.

"Yeah right! You don't ever have to worry about that." I laughed along at the ridiculous thought.

_Okay… life… here we go… this will be my first opportunity to start changing things… _

So… um… alright, who's all coming?" I asked. I pretty much already knew who it would be, but it seemed like the thing to say, so I ran with it.

"Ana invited Bobby, I've invited Jason, and I told him he could bring some friends if he wanted to. Anyone you want to invite… you're welcome to of course," she replied, but didn't exactly meet my eyes. I knew she was worried about me inviting any one of the Cullens.

"Nah, I'm good. I'll probably just read and stuff, no big deal."

"Okay, well I'm gonna go get ready, they'll be here in a little while. We're gonna order some pizzas and I think the guys are bringing some coolers of beer. Jason's stopping by the store on his way over. Any requests?" she asked.

"Oh… yeah, if he doesn't mind… yeah… that would be kind of great." I smiled. "I'd like some Smirnoff Ice and a bag of Jolly Ranchers."

She cocked her head to one side, reminding me of a confused puppy. "Okay… but… what are the Jolly Rancher's for?"

"Um… you push them down the neck of the Smirnoff… it's really good. One of our patrons told me about it while I was watching Joe ink her up." I replied.

"Seriously?" Her eyes drifted up to the sky in thought. "Hell it's worth a try… okay, I'll tell him to pick some up."

"Thanks, Lala. You know… for… everything."

I was thanking her for much more than the alcohol. She was one of my best friends, and I don't think I let any of them know how much I really appreciated them. I could be kind of a pain in the ass sometimes, but they accept me, and they don't put up with my shit. They call me out on it. Sometimes that's just what I needed.

She eyed me suspiciously for a moment before replying.

"You okay, Bells? I mean… is everything okay with you? You've been acting a little strange lately. Staying to yourself a lot more and all…"

Was I okay? No, not really. Truthfully I hadn't been okay for quite some time, but they didn't need to know that. It would just make them worry… which would make them miserable, and I wasn't having that. Misery belonged to me, and I wasn't sharing.

"Yeah, Lala, I'm fine." I smiled obligingly. It was hard to smile genuinely anymore.

_Who am I kidding? I'm not going to be able to do this…_

Lala just nodded her head and turned to go back in the house.

I lay there for just a minute longer before I decided that I'd better go make myself presentable for company.

A couple hours later, Bobby had arrived. He and Ana were lounging in the Jacuzzi and snuggling up close to each other. In a way, I was jealous of Ana. Life seemed to come so easily for her. She had so many good things going on. But she deserved every one of them, so I didn't give it a second thought.

Lala and I began making finger sandwiches and setting out chips and dip and a few other snacks to munch on while we hung out. We worked great together in the kitchen, both of us loving to cook and all. We had just finished up the last tray of goodies when the doorbell rang.

"Oh… I got it!" she chirped in excitement and ran to the door.

I busied myself finishing up the some final touches on that last tray when I heard her answer the door.

"Hi, come on in. Well shit! Look what the cat dragged in," she belted out.

It made me curious who had arrived. I could hear male voices, but couldn't distinguish anyone in particular.

"Rob… how the hell have you been? We haven't seen you in a couple weeks. You went all MIA on us," she said.

_Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no… Oh my God… Rob is here? Shit! Shit!... ugh…_

I began nervously pacing around the kitchen trying to decide if I should just give up and go back to my room. I hesitated a moment too long before deciding that I would. I would just go hide out for the day.

I had barely taken a step in the direction of the hallway when Lala, Jason, and Rob all filed into the dining room.

_Damnit! Fuck!_

I couldn't run away now.

Lala eyed me apologetically and kind of shrugged her shoulders before silently mouthing, "I didn't know."

I glanced from her to the tall, muscle bound man standing to her right, hoping that my face wasn't contorted in a scowl. So this was her ass whoopin', ground and pound, superstar boyfriend. First thought - wow, he was exactly her type!

"Hi." I stepped forward offering my hand. "I'm Bella, you must be Jason. Lala has told us so much about you."

She was absolutely beaming at him. He smiled a bright, inviting smile and accepted my hand.

"Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you, Bella," he stated, and then pointed beside him.

"This is my friend Rob."

_And… queue the awkwardness…_


	9. Chapter 9 Second Chances

BPOV

"Hello, Bella," Rob greeted.

I froze for a moment, not really knowing what to say. We hadn't spoken in weeks, and it was uncomfortable to say the least. There he stood, pizzas in hand, his green eyes boring into me as he took me in. Where would we even begin?

I unthinkingly answered, "Hi, Rob."

Jason looked between Rob and me before glancing to Lala, cocking an eyebrow in silent confusion.

"Um… yeah… they kind of know each other. Have I not mentioned that before? Oops," she said, taking the pizzas from Rob's wavering grip.

"Nope… Small world I guess," Jason replied, smiling while he patted Rob on the back.

"I guess…," I mumbled, training my eyes on the wall behind him as an awkward silence fell over us.

"Well, we should go see what Ana and Bobby are up to, and I'll put the pizzas out back with the other food," Lala suggested, grabbing Jason's arm and dragging him out of the room towards the patio.

"Rob-," I began.

"Bella-," he said at the same moment. I smiled and motioned for him to continue.

"Bella, please listen…I am _so_ sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you and I certainly didn't mean to just…abandon you. I know that I seemed to have disappeared, but it was just because I knew you had a lot going on and I didn't want to make things harder for you. But…I miss you, Bella. I want another chance. No commitment, just like you said. I want to just…hang out…see where things go." He looked at me hopefully.

I took a moment to think. I reminded myself that Edward was back now and Victoria may or may not be out there…hell bent on seeking revenge. If I got too close to him, I would be putting him in danger; just like I had Ana. I also reminded myself that I had decided to try and _live_ life. Not run from it. I needed to know if I wanted _forever,_ and to do that, I had to live _now._

"Ok," I said simply.

"Ok?" he asked, uncertain.

"Yes, OK. No commitment though, Rob. This," I paused briefly to point between us, "is strictly casual." He nodded and a huge smile spread across his face. "Thank you, Bella." I nodded softly. "Why don't we get ourselves something to drink and go sit by the pool and…talk," he suggested, angling his elbow out for me to take his arm.

"That sounds nice," I replied, looping my arm around his as we walked outside.

I downed a couple Margaritas and a few Smirnoff Ices with my favorite green apple Jolly Rancher pushed down the neck of the bottle, while Rob stuck with Bud Light. Once the buzz kicked in, it was all fun and games. We had all gotten in the pool, splashing each other and playing stupid childish games like Marco Polo, and seeing who could hold their breath the longest. It was the most fun I could recall having in a very long time. A legitimate smile graced my face, and it felt nice. I decided there might actually be something to this "really living."

Everyone split up and the rowdiness settled a bit as it got darker outside. We had been lounging, eating, talking, and playing in the pool nearly all afternoon. I had just stretched out on one of the lounge chairs to rest when everyone started talking about diving. My stomach twisted in knots knowing that they were going to start in on me again.

"Bella won't do it!" Lala shouted, obnoxiously tipsy.

"I got two-hundred that says she will," Jason's voice boomed back.

"No, really… she won't," Ana replied knowingly.

Bobby and Rob just laughed along with the conversation, not offering up their opinion on how much of a coward I was.

Finally I sat up and looked around at everyone. "Can you not talk about me like I'm not sitting right here!" I bantered. "And… no… I won't do it, so pay up, Jason." I smirked at him and winked at Lala.

"Oh he's gonna pay alright," she replied flirtatiously. He quickly cast a lusty gaze back at her, smiling like a fool.

"Okay then… double or nothing! I bet Rob can get Bella to jump," he countered.

"Don't drag me into this!" Rob replied, laughing.

"Oh yeah… well I'll raise you another hundred on that bet, that Rob _can't_ get Bella to jump," Bobby spoke up.

"Okay… hold on… I'm lost," Ana replied. "Are we betting on Bella's jumping ability, or Rob's persuasiveness?"

"Beeeelllla…" Rob teased. "What do you think about a little backyard cliff diving with me, sweetheart?"

Everyone started laughing at Rob's sudden interest in being involved. It appeared that he was more game for the action when the purse got high enough.

"Um… that would be a negative!" I replied. "I don't want to die tonight!"

"But Bella… I won't let anything happen to you. Honey, that's a lot of money… I'll even give it to you if you'll do it just to save my reputation here." Rob jokingly held his hand to his heart, as if he were stabbed and bleeding from the emancipation he would face if I refused.

"No. I'm sorry. I guess Bobby wins the money," I replied, smiling tentatively, and continued to shake my head no.

"Oh snap!" Lala exclaimed.

"Ok, if you don't want to do this the easy way, then there's only one other option," Rob stated mischievously. He rose from his seat and strode toward where I was laying.

I tried to hurry and get up to run, but I wasn't quick enough. Rob grabbed me up from the lounger and threw me over his shoulder, cave man style, and began carrying me up the steps to the top of the rocky waterfall.

"No… no… no… put me down… Oh my God! Rob put me down… I can't do this," I screamed, but everyone was cheering him on. At this point I knew there was no going back. I wiggled in his grasp, trying to get him to let me go, but in doing so, just caused his intoxicated stature to skate around on the wet rocks.

"Bella, stop squirming or I'm gonna drop you" he ordered. I stilled my movements.

We made it to the top of the waterfall, and Rob placed me gently on my feet, his arm still secured around my waist. Just as I silently counted my blessings that I hadn't died yet, I heard an angered voice calling my name. I knew that voice. _But what was he doing here?_

As I spun around to place focus in the direction from which the commotion came, I lost my footing, falling over the edge and slamming into the rocks on my way down.

I landed in the pool with a large splash and instantly felt the chlorine burn into the flesh of my leg. As I resurfaced from the depths, stunned and not completely sure of what had just occurred, I quickly glanced around, knowing he was somewhere close by.

"Oh, shit! Is she okay?" Rob yelled, still perched atop the waterfall.

"I got her!" Jason yelled back.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Edward protested.

When I heard him speak, the confusion that was clouding my mind slowly began to dissipate. My eyes drifted to follow the sound of the hardened tone in his usually velvet voice.

The next thing I knew, Edward stood beside the pool, leaning down and reaching out to me. I took his hand and he lifted me from the water.

I stood on trembling legs to inspect the damage. Thankfully, the only injury seemed to be a cut down my right thigh, approximately six inches in length. Blood seeped from the wound and ran down my leg, slowly pooling at my feet. The stench of salt and rust permeated the air, causing my stomach to flip and making me light headed, so I stumbled over and sat myself down on a lounger.

"Wait…where the hell did you come from?" Ana asked Edward, narrowing her eyes at him in suspicion.

"I came to talk to Bella and heard people out back, so I walked around," Edward lied.

I knew better than that…Edward had been spying.

"Bella, you're going to need stitches," Edward said, looking at my wound. "Let me take you to see Carlisle. Please?"

"You don't know if she needs stitches! You're not a doctor!" Rob snapped.

I hadn't even realized that he had finally dived and was now hovering around Edward and me.

I didn't say anything, even though I knew that Edward had been through medical school twice. I was desperately hoping to avoid having Carlisle sticking a needle through my skin. Plus, how would I explain that a seemingly twenty-something year old held two Medical degrees.

"Bella, I know what you're thinking," Edward warned, apparently seeing the apprehension on my face.

"No you don't! You can't read my mind!" I spat, realizing that everyone was looking at me in a state of wonder. I blushed profusely, realizing the truth in my outburst. No one knew what I was talking about, except Edward, who cringed like he had been scorched with a branding iron. And for once I felt ashamed at having been so hard on him.

"I seriously hate to admit this, but I have to agree with Edward on this. You need to get that looked at," Ana said and Rob gave her a scowl.

"Bella, you don't have to go with him. I can drive you to the hospital. At least you'll be seen by a real doctor," Rob pressed, glaring at Edward incredulously.

"Alright! Enough!" Lala yelled. "Rob, put your dick away and stop being a bitch. Edward, back off and let her fucking think for a minute. And Bella, you need to see a doctor one way or another hooker, so take your pick."

"Damn baby…" Jason replied to Lala. "I like it when you take control like that!" He grinned widely, causing her to roll her eyes.

"So what's it gonna be?" she asked me.

I didn't want to have to choose between Edward and Rob, and yet again I was in a position where I would have to push one of them away.

"I'll go see Carlisle," I answered in almost a whisper.

"What was that, honey?" Rob asked, kneeling down in front of where I had sat down on a lounger, rubbing soft circles to the knee cap of my injured leg.

Edward stiffened and his hands balled in fists as he glared at Rob's hand on me.

I put my hand on top of Rob's to stop his movement, then lifted his hand gently and held it in mine for a fraction of a second before letting it go to fall to his side.

"I'll go with Edward, to see Carlisle," I answered a little louder. "I hate hospitals… Carlisle is a doctor…. it will be better for me to see him. He's helped me before," I stated apologetically.

Even as Edward stared angrily, he didn't say anything to Rob. It was almost as if he was waiting for me to do it, but I couldn't. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that his presence affected me so strongly. Rob just looked distant.

"I'm so sorry I made you go up there. I didn't mean for this to happen; it was all in good fun," Rob said. "I would never hurt you on purpose, Bella."

Edward's patience had reached its limit. He took a step toward me, holding out his hand to help me up.

"We need to get going so you can get that taken care of."

I felt uneasy walking away from Rob like this, like he wasn't important… like _his_ help was unwanted.

"I don't blame you, Rob. It was just an accident. I'll be fine, don't you dare feel guilty about this," I insisted.

"Bella," Edward started again.

"Just hold on! It's barely even bleeding now!" I knew he was just rushing me because of Rob's proximity.

"Let me make it up to you. Let me take you to dinner … we can go Friday night… if your free?" Rob asked hurriedly, glancing briefly at Edward and then back at me as he awaited my response.

_Well shit! Now I get to hurt both of them in one fucking day… brilliant!_

"That sounds like fun, thank you," I replied, trying to smile. "Call me."

Edward's disapproval quickly became evident as he sighed heavily and began tugging at his hair in frustration.

"Okay, let's go," I told Edward before he had time to challenge Rob's intentions with me.

"Hold on! Bella, you can't go like _that_… let me run inside and grab you some clothes," Ana replied.

She quickly retrieved a T-shirt and pair of cotton athletic shorts. I pulled them on, carefully minding my wound, and again announced that I was ready to leave.

Edward released his hair and quickly reached his hand to mine. It was only a moment before he had me fully suspended in his arms, carrying me out front where I saw Jasper waiting in the Volvo.

He sat me in the passenger seat and began fidgeting with the seat belt, trying to buckle me in.

"I've got it," I told him, but he continued his attempt. "Edward, I'll do it!" I exclaimed and he finally relented. Jasper quickly climbed out of the driver's seat, made his way down the road, and into the trees.

"Where is he going?" I asked, but never gave Edward a chance to answer. "You've been spying on me?"

_I should've known…_

"No. I'm not spying Bella, I'm protecting you. You're the one who decided to leave my protection behind so that you could have some "human" time," he replied, aggravation lacing his tone."I can't just sit back and not try! I can't just _let her_ get to you!" he yelled more openly, as he sped off from the driveway. "You really have no sense of self preservation do you?" he asked, though it came out as more of a statement.

"That isn't fair!" I yelled back. "You can't just come back and act like I can, or will, just drop everything for you," I replied, shaking my head in frustration. "Like it or not, Edward, I'm going to do what I want to do, and I don't have to ask your permission! You can't come jumping out of nowhere every time I get hurt or decide to have relationships… of any kind… that you don't approve of."

"So you want a relationship with… that guy? With… Rob? Is that what you're saying, Bella? Because it would be really fucking helpful to know where _I_ stand! You tell me that you love me… that I'm the love of your life, but you want a relationship with _him? _You know… you once told me that my mood swings gave you whiplash. I'm starting to think that you have me outdone baby!"

He suddenly went silent and his eyes hardened. I had done it, I had finally pushed him away. There was no further conversation on the way to the Cullen house.

As we pulled down the long drive I sighed exasperatedly. "So, what? You're not talking to me at all now?" I asked.

The car came to a sudden stop and he shifted in the seat to face me, his eyes finally softening some.

"Bella." He took my hand, looking me straight in the eye. He looked sad and yet unmistakably frustrated; I felt my heart beat faster in correlation with my mind telling me to comfort him. But I couldn't. "I honestly don't know what to say anymore… I can't take back what happened. I can only apologize, which I have done, and will do forever if that's what you want. I don't know how to be anything other than yours… but it's apparent you don't feel that way any longer," he answered darkly, gently releasing my hand and placing it back on my lap.

_Has he finally given up on me? I don't want him to give up… I just need more time…_

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, desperately afraid to hear the answer.

"Let's get you inside so Carlisle can fix you up," he replied, not answering me further.

Again he lifted me into his arms, but refused me the closeness he had given before. He made quick work of taking me into the Cullen family kitchen, and perching me upon the counter top before leaving the room to get Carlisle.

After a few minutes, Carlisle came walking in carrying a satchel with medical supplies.

"Hello, Bella. So we meet again. You know, we really should get together under better circumstances. I feel like I'm always sewing you up," he greeted, smiling.

I hated my clumsiness, and over the years it had become a sensitive subject, so I just smiled and nodded, keeping my head down. Edward never came back into the room and I began to worry.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, feeling ashamed.

"He's just outside with Esme," Carlisle answered simply.

"You know Bella… It may not be my place to say this, but I hope you'll hear me out."

I nodded. "Um… yeah, sure… please, continue," I replied.

"I couldn't help but overhear you and Edward speaking in the driveway when you arrived. Our extraordinary senses don't allow for much discretion. Listen, I know that us leaving was not the right decision. I think we all knew it all along, but Edward was sure that our presence in your life would only cause you pain. He convinced us that you would be better off without us all around…and I want to apologize for that. I should have stood up then and told him that he was wrong, and that he should have never let his head over rule his heart. I can tell you now, that he knows that it was a terrible mistake.

"You have to understand something about Edward though, he always had your best interests at heart and he would have done anything to protect you, including leaving you. Even now he would walk away if you told him that you would not choose this life. He would deny himself an eternity of happiness in order to give you whatever you desire. You're going to have to choose, Bella. Just make sure it's a choice you can live with, because it will not come around again." Carlisle smiled sadly.

I couldn't begin to describe the pain and abandonment that I had felt from their departure, but I needed Carlisle to understand. I had to try.

"I can't say it was okay. I was definitely _not_ okay. I wanted to die, Carlisle. I felt like I _was _dying. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I couldn't function. It did me no good to be human because I wasn't acting like a human. I was empty! You know how you told me once that Edward believed he didn't have a soul? Well… I became pretty well convinced that I had lost mine when he left. I didn't care about anything anymore; life was no longer worthwhile. I waited for Victoria to kill me, I prayed for it…but she never came.

"So it's a little hard to believe that suddenly three years later, she's out to get me again. If he loved me so much, answer me this. Why didn't he come back for me? Why wait so long? Why wait until I'd given up all hope of ever seeing him or any of you again and _then_ offer me the world? How can I believe anything he says?" I asked, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear that had escaped from the confines of my tortured heart.

"Bella, I believe that in your heart you know what is right…but life comes with obstacles and choices that aren't always going to be cut and dry. You have to decide whether you will choose what is right or what is easy…and sometimes the distinction between the two isn't crystal clear. You'll find your way through the haze of doubt and adversity. Love conquers all, Bella. That's the greatest lesson you'll ever learn."

Carlisle placed the final stitch and bandaged up my leg with gauze.

"Just keep it clean and change the dressing at least once a day. More if it is draining," he instructed. "You're all done here. And Bella…don't be too hard on him. I can promise you he's been suffering himself enough."

I smiled and nodded before slowly sliding off the kitchen counter top, landing softly back on my feet.

As I made my way out of the kitchen and through the living room, I noticed that the front door was open. I didn't hesitate in crossing the threshold. I knew that everyone at Lala's would be worrying if I didn't return soon; I needed to find Edward, so that I could get back.

Stepping out onto the porch, I saw him leaning on the railing, gazing intensely out into the darkening sky. It didn't take but a moment for him to notice me there.

"Bella," he stated tensely. "Done already?"

"Um… yeah," I answered nervously, barely able to keep my eyes on him.

The intensity of emotion surrounding us made me nervous and I began trembling. I felt like I was talking to him for the first time all over again. A silence lingered between us for a few moments before he spoke again.

"I should take you home."

"Yeah," I replied again, wondering if I were going to be able to muster anything other than that word to him. I stepped forward and attempted to descend the few steps leading from the porch when I slipped, spun around the banister, and crashed into Edward's arms.

"Can't you even walk? I swear I don't know how you even survived the last few years," he spat angrily. His anger was quickly replaced with remorse and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean that," he stated contritely.

_How dare he say that to me! _

In case he had failed to notice, my "survival" over the last few years seemed to still be under heavy scrutiny. Did my heart still beat? Yes. Did my lungs still take in air? Yes. Did my heart and soul survive unscathed? Hell fucking no!

"You know what…don't bother taking me home. I'll just call Ana to pick me up, or maybe I'll just walk, since _apparently_ I need the practice! Who knows, my clumsy ass might just get hit by a fucking bus and then I won't have to burden you any longer," I replied hatefully, pulling myself from the light grasp he had on me.

"Don't be ridiculous! And I'm not letting you walk home, Bella," he retorted.

"I guess it's a good thing that I'm not asking for your permission then!" I snapped.

"Why do you do that? Why do you _always_ have to do that?" he asked.

"What? Do what exactly?" I asked, countering his question with a question, sarcasm lacing my words.

I knew he meant my attitude… my acting like a miscreant. For years it's all I've had to get me through, guarding me from vulnerability. How could he expect me to put down my shield?

He stared at me irascibly for minutes that seemed like hours. Stubbornly gazing back I refused to budge. _I love him… why am I acting like this?_

_Because he had his chance and he fucked it up. _

_Stop fooling yourself into believing that things can ever be like they were. You're too messed up now… too damaged to look back. He's obviously disgusted with you anyway. You just need to take what you can get, and stop trying to believe in this fantasy world. You will never be enough for him._

After my brief internal chastising, I finally gave in, blinking several times to clear the fog of doubt from my troubled mind, and then turned to walk down the steps more carefully minding my balance. I stood at the passenger side door of the Volvo.

"I'm ready to go… now," I spoke, not looking at him.

He quietly made his way beside me and opened the door. I climbed in and before I could even blink, Edward was sitting across from me. For a few soundless moments he watched me. From my peripheral vision, as I stared out the windshield, it looked like he wanted to speak, but the words never came. The next thing I knew, the car was moving and we were headed back to Lala's. A stagnant silence remained and we did not made eye contact since leaving his house. Once we pulled into the driveway at my new residence, he put the car in park and finally looked at me again.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight, Bella. I just don't know how to act around you anymore. I can't seem to get through to you, and it's very frustrating. The next thing I know I've lost my temper and I'm yelling at you for something that you can't help. I don't want to live a day without you, Bella. I just want to be the one that makes you happy, and yet I keep making you angry or sad," he replied regretfully.

"Carlisle told me that if I loved you I should set you free," he continued. "He said that if it was meant to be then you would come back to me. And if you didn't… then it's just not what fate had in store for us." He paused briefly in thought. "Fuck, Bella! I don't want to let you go! I feel like… if I do… then I'm giving up. I can't even fathom the idea of giving up on us… but… it looks like you already have."

Edward's countenance grew dim, his brow furrowed tight as he continued. "More than my own life I love you, Bella. So against my true feelings, I will… I'll let go. I hope you find what you're looking for. Find your wings and fly love; then when you come back down and land on your feet, I pray you'll find a way to make it back to me. "

I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. Damn the extremes! Extreme love for someone worthy of so much more than what I had to offer; extreme anger for him leaving me and ripping a hole thru my chest, destroying my heart; extreme fear in accepting that he may truly love me despite my numerous flaws, and extreme failure in having pushed him away, when I finally had a chance to have him back in my life.

I almost relented. One more fleeting moment and I would have declared my love and begged him not to give up on me. .. But that moment never came. I unbuckled and stepped out of the Volvo. It felt like an out of body experience watching him truly set me free. This wasn't a lie to convince me that he didn't care. It was the cold hard truth that he cared enough to leave, so that I could take the time to discover what I couldn't live without.

"Bella…" my name drew slowly from his lips. I would have sworn the whole world moved in slow motion in that instant. "Forgive me," he pled softly. Before I knew it, the front door of the house had opened and Ana, Lala, and Rob were all jogging toward me. I could vaguely hear their voices combined in chaos; mumbling concerns and inquiring about my leg.

"I'm fine," I answered, but I knew I wasn't fine. My leg would heal, along with all the other flesh wounds I had sustained throughout my life, but my heart… well… that was another story. I wasn't sure how much more my poor heart could take.

"We've been worried sick about you! Rob has been pacing the house since you left," Ana said.

"I'm fine… really. I'll be fine… Edward…" I stopped, looking back toward the Volvo, just in time to see him backing into the road. I was suddenly alone. Well not really, but I suddenly felt very alone as I watched him depart without as much as a goodbye.

"What was that you were saying?" Ana asked.

"Oh… Um… What?" I had suddenly lost my train of thought.

Ana stared at me quizzically. "What happened?" she asked more seriously, seeming to sense something was off.

"Nothing…I'm good," I lied.

Rob stepped before me, sympathy heavy on his brow.

Seeming to sense the unspoken battle raging in my mind, I felt his hand slip into mine. Suddenly I realized he had been speaking to me.

"What? I'm sorry…" I asked, having missed what he said.

A look of concern lingered in his eyes. "I said we should get you inside."

I refused to make eye contact with him, only nodding my head in affirmation and following him. Once inside, Ana and Lala made their way to the kitchen where Bobby and Jason were sitting at the bar talking. Rob and I followed behind them into the kitchen, but he kept a close eye in my direction. They all seemed to realize my reluctance to socialize so they left me to my thoughts without question. I released Rob's hand and wandered past them to the short hallway leading into my room. When I heard their whispering voices, I paused in the hallway, positive they were unaware that I was eavesdropping.

"So who was that fucking prick? Where the hell did he come from? And what does he have to do with Bella?" Jason asked, rapidly firing off questions without a giving anyone a chance to answer.

"He's her Ex," Ana answered. "He wants her back, but she's reluctant because he hurt her so badly before."

"He better watch himself. Next time he tells me to not fucking do something, I'm gonna show him just what the fuck I can do," Jason said.

_Yeah, okay tough guy you just keep dreaming… My Edwa- What am I thinking? He isn't mine anymore… this is ridiculous that I keep thinking about him like that._

"Believe it or not, I think he really loves her," Ana answered. "But I would never tell her that."

"Well I think she needs to stay away from him… he's no good for her, it's obvious. I would be much better for her and I plan on proving that to her. She'll see...I'm the better choice here. We'll just have to take it slow, but eventually she will come to her senses. I mean… did you see how she came back tonight? Hell… she was practically catatonic," Rob replied.

When I heard Rob state his opinion on Edward it caused a pain in my chest and I gasped audibly.

_Shit! Did they hear me? _

I stood stalk still listening to see if I was busted.

"What was that?" Rob said.

"What?" Lala asked.

"You didn't hear that?" he replied.

"I heard it," Jason stated.

"I think you two are paranoid," Lala answered.

"Shhh…!" Ana exclaimed. "I'm listening."

While they argued over whether or not they heard me, I slipped into my room and further more into my bathroom, closing the door quietly. I sat on the edge of the tub and put my head in my hands.

_How did things get so fucked up? _

And then it hit me… out of nowhere, it was like a flash of light, brightening the way. Suddenly everything became clear and I knew what had to be done.

I heard someone enter my room. I wasn't surprised. I knew that someone would come to check on me. As expected, there was a light knock on the door.

"Bella, are you okay in there?" Rob asked.

I opened the door slowly and looked up to find his eyes searching mine.

_Smug Bastard…_

He had just stood in the kitchen and proclaimed that one day I would come to my senses and fall in love with him, as if I were not in my right mind currently. I couldn't believe his nerve.

"I'm fine… and we need to talk… now!" I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him along behind me, thru the kitchen, past everyone there, and out onto the back deck by the pool.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, nervously eyeing me up and down.

"We can't be friends," I replied, trying to control my frustration.

"What? Bella, come on… you're just upset because-" I cut him off right there.

"I'm upset because you just stood in that kitchen and declared that I'm yours, but that I just don't know it yet! I agreed to be friends and see where things went… but even that was wrong. I can't see where things go with you because I'm still in love with Edward. He's always been my fate. I've been confused because of some hurt that I was holding on to, but I'm not confused anymore! I know that being friends will never be enough for you, so I think it's best if we just end this before it gets any worse," I replied.

"Bella, you don't know what you're saying!" he exclaimed in desperation.

"I know _exactly_ what I'm saying… believe it or not, I _am_ capable of having independent thoughts without needing advisement first. My thought right now is that it's time for you to leave!" I argued.

Our voices were heated and loud, and I could sense four pairs of eyes nosily prying through the patio window.

"This conversation is over. You should go. I'm going to bed now; I have nothing more to say," I stated, walking back into the house, pausing to address the curious bunch sitting at the bar. "Next time you would like to discuss how I am or am not feeling about something behind my back, it would be nice to make sure that I'm not standing within earshot," I stated, turning on my heel and heading for my room.

RPOV

_What the fuck just happened? _

I couldn't help but wonder if she had played this type of fucking game with Edward… Maybe that's why he left her ass in the first place. And yet, she's still in love with him, eh? _We'll see about that…_

Bella had walked away. She just ended the conversation and fucking walked away. I never had a chance to get a word in edgewise. Edward was a fucking thorn in my side, and what I wouldn't give to take his ass on. That pretty little momma's boy wouldn't have a fucking chance in hell. I mean… shit, he looked like a fucking teenager. What could she possibly see in _him_, when there is a _man_ right before her eyes who obviously longed for her?

It didn't fucking matter anymore. She had made her choice. I just had to get the hell out of there. Jason tried to stop me and ask what happened, but I didn't want to tell them that I had been picked over and left wanting. I went to Riley's Tavern, a little shit-hole pub that was close by.

After having several shots of top shelf tequila, I felt no more pain. I knew I just had to force myself to forget her. After all, I hadn't been sexually satisfied since having met Bella, other than taking care of business myself at the thought of her hot little mouth going down on me. I just needed a little _company_ that's all. Looking around, I didn't see anyone of interest, so I decided to postpone the idea for the evening.

I took care of my tab and headed for the door. Upon reaching my truck, I noticed a beautiful woman in the parking lot. I began to think I was hallucinating as she made her way toward me. Her hair was as red as fire, hanging in spiraled locks around her supple breasts. Her skin was pale and her body was in perfect order. She smiled widely and her perfect white teeth were enchanting.

"Well… Hello," she offered seductively, leaning into my chest and pressing me hard against the driver side door of my truck.

I didn't know where she came from, but she was hot and ready and I planned to take full advantage of this opportunity.

"Can I give you a ride?" I offered, hoping I'd be finding out if she were a true red head.

"That would be killer," she replied, trailing her finger up and down my chest. "I'd love for you to come back to my place for a drink," she continued, and licked her lips, before pressing a soft kiss just under my jaw.

"Alright then, let's go," I agreed with a smirk. I had no idea what I was in for, but I had a feeling it would be something I wouldn't soon forget.


	10. Ch 10 Everything Happens for A Reason

Jasper POV

I just knew something was going to go down. It's just the way things are now. There hasn't been peace since… well… since our leaving, so I honestly wasn't surprised when Edward darted off like a bat out of hell toward the back yard of Bella's new place.

They were having a pool party, and it looked to be a lot of fun, but when Edward saw that guy lift Bella, and carry her up the rocks, he freaked the hell out.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" he voiced.

"Ed… calm down, they're just playing around," Emmett responded.

"You know Bella, Em… she could get hurt! I can't just sit here and not do something," he stated.

"Edward…" I started, but didn't get very far.

"No… no… no… put me down… Oh my God! Rob put me down… I can't do this," Bella screamed in panic, and before I could even glance to my side, Edward was gone.

"Shit! Where the hell did he go?" I asked in frustration, already knowing full well where he was headed.

"Yep," Emmett answered. "You already know, dude."

The next thing I knew, I could hear Edward, telling someone not to fucking touch Bella.

"Oh, for the love of God, please tell me she did not get hurt!" I contemplated out loud. But before the words had left my mouth good, I heard Edward again. "Bella, you're going to need stitches," he said, before asking her to let him take her to see Carlisle.

I knew that I couldn't let him run again. He was being reckless enough in having run to her like he did in the first place. I had to enforce some damage control.

"Emmett, you stay here and keep an eye on the place; I'm going to bring the car around. He's gonna bring the whole damn Volturi clan down on our heads if he doesn't start practicing some fucking discretion," I shook my head and strode off to pull the car around to the house.

Edward came out carrying Bella, and I knew that I had made the right choice to bring the car. Their emotions were tense and heavy laden with frustration; all was not well between the two of them, but she had agreed to see Carlisle nevertheless.

I jumped out of the driver's seat as Edward began restlessly attempting to buckle Bella in. It didn't take long for her to grow impatient with his attempt. I figured he had everything under control, and the thickening tension between them was weighing me down, so I quietly made my escape and headed back to keep watch with Emmett.

As I approached I was flooded with amusement, and a slight bit of embarrassment. It was an intriguing combination, and quite a relief to the emotions from which I had just escaped. It instantly made me curious as to what Emmett had been up to while I was gone.

I plopped back down beside him and bent my knees, resting my elbows on them, before turning my head to eye him suspiciously.

"What?" he responded defensively, but the 'kid in a candy store' smile never faded from his face.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" I asked, genuinely intrigued.

"Nothing Dude, just the crazy shit humans do to amuse themselves. Check out the shit that Bella has gotten herself into while we were away," he answered chuckling, and pointing at the backside of the house.

I turned my sight back to the patio, realizing that I had been gone longer than I thought because everyone was now fully dressed. Well…. almost fully dressed. They were no longer in their swimming clothes, but there were a few articles of clothing; something missing from each of them tossed to the side on one of the loungers.

"What the hell is going on?" I looked back at Emmett both confused and entertained.

"Well after Edward took off with Bella, they decided to lighten up the mood a little. They're playing a jacked up version of 'I've Never', but they ran out of alcohol, so they changed the rules up to make it where they would lose an piece of clothing instead. Watch this shit, they're fucking insane," he shook his head, smiling a large goofy grin.

I proceeded to watch all of Bella's friends make complete asses out of themselves. They were drunk and absolutely uninhibited in their actions.

The next thing I knew Jason was un-doing his pants, following along with that round of the game, when all of a sudden Emmett jumped up and started covering his eyes while mumbling something under his breath.

Immediately I felt bewildered and flooded with embarrassment.

"No… No…No… you've got to be fucking kidding me! This guy is a bad mother fucker! He's an amazing mixed martial artist! He's "Mayhem Miller" for God's sake! I don't believe this shit, I don't care how long I live, I'll never believe this shit!" he exclaimed, shaking his head, and waving his arm in the direction of the patio.

I couldn't help but laugh whole heartedly at the site before us. Jason, bad-ass, tough guy, "Mayhem Miller" was wearing pastel pink boxer briefs, and was dancing around everyone else to the song "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me," blaring on the stereo.

Jason's girlfriend seemed to really be enjoying the show, as she grabbed the waist band of his boxer briefs and popped the elastic.

Emmett was flabbergasted. He stared in shock as one of his more recent idols of the MMA world was dancing around like a fairy princess in pink drawers. I couldn't contain my laughter… that was until he got _that look_ in his eyes.

"Oh no! No… no… no! Emmett don't you even think about it! Rosalie will have you by the balls, man… just to make sure they're still intact!" I laughed.

"What?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders. "I was just wondering if Rosie likes pink…" he smiled suggestively and waggled his eyebrows.

Edward POV

After returning Bella home, and having finally told her that I was setting her free to "find herself," I was thoroughly depressed, and I just couldn't keep watch anymore. I feared that looking upon her lovely face would just be too much, and I would buckle under the pressure. Not to mention, _he_ was still there, and would surely be making a huge deal over her. I knew I couldn't handle that. I couldn't watch her feeling sympathetic for him, when he's the fucker that got her hurt in the first place.

I called Emmett and asked him to keep watch for the rest of the evening. He readily agreed, not prying into my reasons for not coming back.

"No problem man; hey Jasper wants to talk to you right quick," he said, before passing the phone to Jasper.

"Hey Edward, everything alright man?" Jasper asked in concern.

"You already know the answer to that Jazz," I replied somberly, as memories of me and Bella during happier times flashed before my eyes. Everything was far from alright.

"Come on man, this is Bella we're talking about. She's always adored you, Edward. She'll come around; she's just in shock. I really don't think she believed you'd ever come back; so it's a lot to take in."

"I can't hope for that Jazz… because if she moves on with that guy Rob, or anyone for that matter, it would destroy me. So, I have to distance my heart and care more… _objectively. _I love her enough to do that; enough to let her have the choice."

"Alright, well… what are you gonna do now? We haven't seen or heard anything from Victoria. Are you sure it was her? Are you sure she's still after Bella, or could you have been mistaken?" Jasper asked.

"Without a doubt it's her!" I replied instantly. "She's just biding her time; waiting for me to slip up and make a mistake. I can't do that, Jazz. Bella's life depends on it, and that means mine does as well. I just can't live in a world where she doesn't exist; even if she's not mine anymore."

"Okay, so what do you suppose we do?" he asked.

"I have something in mind, but it's not going to be easy for me to do. I… I'm… Shit! I'm going to call Jacob Black," I answered hesitantly.

"Awww shit, Edward! We can handle this… there's no need to call in the dogs," Jasper whined.

"He's the only one she'll trust right now. And I'll do whatever it takes to make her safe again," I replied.

"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you if shit goes down all wrong. Wolves just can't be trusted," he stated.

"Dually noted," I replied before clapping my phone shut and ending the call.

I sat and stared at the cell in my hands, willing Bella to call me… text me… something, but nothing happened. So without further hesitation I dialed up the number to the Black residence, which I had snuck from Bella's phone during her short stay with us.

I dialed the number and waited for his frustratingly familiar voice to fill the line.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Jacob? Is this Jacob Black?" I asked.

"Well that depends on who the hell is asking," he stated.

"It's Edward Cullen," I replied.

"Holy, fucking shit! Edward Cullen, huh? Well… you'll have to forgive me if I'm not dancing with joy to hear from you; you know with you being a damned leech and all," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah, well you can trust that I wouldn't even be attempting this call if it weren't for Bella," I answered.

"What the fuck are you talking about? What's happened to Bella?" he asked, concern drowning the sarcasm.

"She's in danger," I stated.

"Well no shit, Sherlock. What the hell else is new? She's been in danger since the moment she laid eyes on you and your damned family," he spat.

"I am not the danger you mongrel," I seethed.

"Well then, do you mind getting on with whatever the fuck it is that you've called about… this conversation is testing my patience, and I've not had much tolerance for bullshit lately," he answered.

"There is another of my kind… a female, which does not respect rules, or _treaties_. She's after Bella, and _reluctantly_… I am requesting your help," I managed thru gritted teeth.

"You want my help? _Really?" _Jacob asked, surprised.

"She's still angry with me and somewhat untrusting. I don't want to admit this… especially to _you, _but… I think you may be able to get thru to her in a way that I can't…. with this anyway," I replied hesitantly.

"Are you saying that you _need_ me?" Jacob antagonized.

"No! I'm saying that Bella needs you!" I corrected.

"Well, if Bella needs me she can let me know, and I haven't talked to Bella lately," he continued.

"I know that she's tried to call you, Jake. It isn't exactly her fault if you don't answer."

"And how the hell would you know that? If she's so untrusting, you wouldn't be around her to know that," he replied.

"Extra-sensitive hearing…. it's one of the perks of being a damned leech," I replied sarcastically. "And… when you left in your little fit, Bella knew something was _off_ about you, so she came to me. She knows what you are, Jake."

BPOV

It had been a several days since my fall, and my leg seemed to be healing nicely, thanks to Carlisle's handy work. I hadn't seen Rob since I had asked him to leave, and even though my heart had decided that Edward was my choice, my head still had a hard time believing in him enough to let me give him a call. _The_ call… the one where I would tell him that I still loved him with every breath of my being and that I could no longer deny my heart what my stubborn pride refused to admit. He was the only one for me, and without him I would always be missing a piece of myself; the most important piece of myself.

The days passed by, one by one, and I couldn't get him off my mind or out of my heart. I had never been more confused in my life. I wanted Edward, even if it meant risking my heart again, but I was surprised to find that I was also terrified of losing the strong part of myself. The part that had made me get up and face each day that he hadn't come back. How could I let her go? How could I just start over and forget everything that she had been thru to make me what I had become.

_What have I become? Does this make me weak? I don't even know who I am anymore. _

As I sat contemplating everything that had transpired, I heard Lala's voice bounding through the shop.

"Bella! Hey hooker, you've got a customer requesting you out front," she said, bouncing happily to the back room where I had decided to work for the day.

I had just needed some time to myself. I was still pretty annoyed with my friends and their significant others for thinking they had the right to talk all the shit they were talking that night in the kitchen. I still loved them, but I didn't have to like how they had been acting.

"Okay, tell them I'll be right out," I replied, sighing.

I rounded the corner, and took a few steps toward the counter, when I saw the full head of red spiraling tendrils. She turned to face me, and the devilish grin that spread from ear to ear gave me a chill. The kind of chill my mother used to say happened when "someone walked over your grave."

_Oh my God! What the fuck? How? Why? What is she doing here? You know what she's doing here… she's here to finish it. You're going to die, and Edward will never have known that you've forgiven him; you'll never see him again._

The thought of never seeing Edward again made me blanch and get weak in the knees, as my heart sank. I always knew this day would find me eventually, but Edward had always been there to protect me. Where was my protector now? I had pushed him away, and made him feel unwanted. He was probably at home distracting himself, and forgetting about me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." She called out my name slowly and deliberately; her eyes fixed on mine. "It's so good to see you again. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for us to get… _re-acquainted_."

"What do you want?" I asked coldly, already knowing the answer.

"Now Bella, is that any way to treat a dear old friend?" she asked in a condescendingly sweet tone. "I know your sweet lover boy has come back to you, and that just isn't going to work. See, it isn't fair that he gets to have you, when he took my James away from me. Look at it as evening things up, if you will."

"Edward will come for me; he's probably watching now," I replied, attempting to sound threatening, but it came out as more of a hopeful plea.

"I don't think he is," she replied unfazed.

I followed her gaze, shifting from me to look behind me. She was watching my friends. Ana had come in and was speaking with Lala and Lauren, who were both glancing in my direction, curious of the beautiful stranger. Joe had just unloaded a new box of supplies and was restocking everyone's stations. I quickly looked back at her, eyeing her with fear laced hatred. I had to get her attention focused back on me. I didn't want her hurting my friends.

"So what happens now?" I asked, waiting for my death sentence.

"Well Bella, now I'm going to let you get back to work, but don't worry I'll be around. We'll definitely be catching up on old times very soon," she replied. "Your friends look sweet; I wonder if they are as sweet as your boyfriend was the other night. He was so eager to please; I honestly don't know what you see in Edward that kept you from choosing him."

_She has Rob? Had Rob? Oh God is he alive? What has she done to him? _

"What have you done with him?" I demanded.

"Bye Bella, see you again soon," she answered, and then disappeared out the door.

I ran around the counter and barreled through the door to the sidewalk, but she was gone. She had Rob. That would explain why he hadn't called or been around the shop. _Is he dead?_ _How could I have let this happen? Why didn't I believe Edward when he told me that she was back? All of this could have been prevented if I had just listened to him._

As terrifying thoughts twisted around in my head, slamming into my skull, I quickly went back into the shop. Everyone was looking at me like I had lost my mind. _Am I that transparent?_

"Bella, what's going on?" Lala asked, concern furrowing her brow.

"Has anyone seen Rob?" I asked, trying to hide the quivering panic in my voice.

"Not since the pool party," Lala answered.

"Nope, he's been kinda distant after all that went down that night," Ana replied.

Turning my back on them, I dialed Rob's number from my cell; and his voicemail instantly picked up. "This is Rob, sorry I missed your call, you know what to do, beeeep!"

"Rob, this is Bella. Hey, I really need to talk to you, okay? Please just call me back as soon as you get this!" I clasp my phone shut.

Ana stepped forward grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me back around to face her, and shook me just a little to get me to focus on her.

"Bella, why are you freaking out? Honey, we need to know what's got you so spooked," she asked.

I blinked a couple times and shook my head to clear my thoughts before answering.

"That woman who just came in to see me… that's Victoria, and I think she's done something to Rob," I replied hesitantly. "It's complicated. I can't really explain right now," I continued, and as confusion overtook Ana's countenance, I picked up my phone again, and frantically began dialing the number that I had been so hesitant to call… until now. I had to call Edward.

EPOV

Five Days, that's how long it had been since I heard her sweet voice; the love that had become the reason for my existence. I sat kicked back on a bed that had never been slept on, thinking how lonely forever really would be without her.

How I had been hoping to someday watch Bella sleep in my bed; to watch her chest rise and fall, as her breathing slowed. I longed to hold her close; to hear her talk in her sleep, hoping to once again catch my name falling from her lips in adoration.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the headboard, wallowing in my fantasy, when suddenly Alice bounded into my room in a panicked frenzy.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Alice? What's going on?" I asked in irritation that no one seemed to know how to knock around this place.

"Where's your phone?" She demanded, while rummaging through my room, knocking over anything in her path while she searched for my cell phone.

"What?" I retorted in confusion.

"Bella's going to call! Where's your damn phone?" She demanded again, but before I could inquire further, my cell phone, which had been carefully tucked away in the pocket of my jeans, began to ring.

"Bella?" I greeted hesitantly answering the phone.

"Edward! Oh Thank God you answered! Listen… I'm sorry, okay! I should have listened! You know me better than I know myself, and I should have trusted you! I'm sorry I didn't believe you! I'm so sorry, okay? Oh God, I'm such a fuck up!" she rambled.

_Something's wrong._

I glanced at Alice and she somberly nodded her head. Something was definitely going on.

"Hold on, Bella. What are you talking about? You're perfect, "I replied, trying to calm her down so that I could get a grip on what was happening that had her so upset.

"She's here, Edward! You were right, she's really fucking here! I think she took him!" she replied, as she began to cry.

"Okay… calm down… tell me what happened!" I begged, beginning to panic myself.

"Victoria came to the shop. Edward, I think she has Rob."

It suddenly felt like my skin began to boil. _Victoria got to Bella? She talked to her? How the fuck could I have let this happen?_

"Where are you at right now? Are you hurt? Bella, what did she do?" I asked frantically.

"I'm still at the shop. She didn't touch me, she just warned me that she is around and that I'll be seeing her again soon. Edward, I'm really fucking scared now. I need you… I always have," she sighed heavily.

"You stay there, you hear me! I'm coming to get you!" I replied, already headed out the door and toward my car. "I love you Bella! I'm on my way, just… be safe. I'll be there soon," I replied.

Before hanging up, she whispered through the line "I love you too; I'll be waiting for you."


	11. Chapter 11 Ties That Bind

BPOV

I couldn't let Edward stop me, and if I stayed on the line any longer, that's exactly what would have happened. He would never allow me go to look for Rob. He would have insisted I stay with his family while he went, and I knew that if he had kept me talking, it would have given Alice enough time to "see" my decision. It also would have given him enough time to show up and put an end to what he would have considered "reckless" behavior.

This whole situation had begun because of me. If I had just listened none of this would be happening. I needed to know what happened to Rob and I couldn't just sit there and not know, even if it meant that I would once again be in danger. It didn't matter anymore. Victoria would never back down, so I knew there was no choice. I had to do something…anything. My friends didn't know that their lives were at risk, just by knowing me. I had to at least try to stop this madness and make sure that no one else I loved got hurt. But first I had to find Rob and make sure he was even still alive, or if she was just pulling a smoke and mirrors act to make me believe that she had him. James had pulled the same shit back in Arizona with the tape of my mother, and there was no way in hell I was falling for it twice.

I took a deep breath and looked around. Jess, Lala, Joe, and Ana stood around me in a wide circle, their eyes dancing with curiosity. Ana was the first to speak.

"Bella, what's going on? I don't understand any of this. Why do you think that woman has Rob?" she asked.

I couldn't answer that, but I knew I had to give her something.

"I'm not entirely sure she does, but she's crazy and I just need to know that he's okay."

"Bella, Rob's a big boy. I mean…my God he trains with MMA fighters all day! He's not just going to let some bitch walk up and grab him," Jess replied.

"I underestimated her once. I can't take that chance again. She doesn't fight fair, so he may very well have been lured into her trap without having any indication otherwise," I answered. I looked at Ana, praying she could see my desperation as clearly as I felt it. "Ana, I need you to do something for me, okay?"

"Sure, what is it?" she replied, nodding her head.

"Edward is coming here. He's on his way, but I need to try and find Rob. I need to talk to him myself, without Edward interfering. Ana, I need you to keep Edward here. Keep him busy… just to give me a little time to find Rob. Please say you'll help me." I could feel my insides shaking violently. I really needed to get out of there. Edward was fast, and I knew I didn't have much time to escape.

"Of course I'll help you," she replied. I gave her a quick hug and headed out the door, not mentioning where exactly I was going for fear that Edward would hear it in her thoughts.

I decided to go to the most obvious place where I would find him, if in fact Victoria was bluffing. I headed to the Gym where his office was.

Ana POV

I waited until Bella had left the shop and turned to Lala. "You heard Bella. Keep Edward busy. I'm going see if I can find Rob myself. I want to get to the bottom of this. Cool?"

"No problem. I'll keep pretty boy occupied for a bit. Besides, there are a few things I'd like to say to him anyway," Lala answered.

I wasn't sure where Bella went to look for Rob, but it occurred to me that she probably didn't know about his house out in Red Rock Canyon. If Rob wanted to hole up somewhere and lick his wounds from their fight, the Red Rock house would be the perfect place; secluded and private with nothing around for miles but dense shrubbery and desert.

I knew Bella would forgive me for passing off the task of babysitting Edward to Lala if it meant that I could get Rob to talk to her. Rob and I had been friends for a long time, so even though he was avoiding everyone else in our circle, I was willing to bet that he would still see me.

My search for Rob also had a lot to do with the fact that my curiosity was peaked as to how he could have met this crazy chick that Bella was fretting over. He'd had it hard for Bella for quite some time and I couldn't picture him just giving that up to screw around with some out of town hooker. I wanted my own answers from him. Bella had already been through so much, and I couldn't understand how he could think getting involved with that bitch was a good idea. What was he hoping it would accomplish? Make Bella jealous? It didn't make any sense. I needed to find Rob and get some answers before I turned him over to Bella.

EPOV

My frustration and panic escalated as I entered the shop, realizing that Bella was no longer there. I glanced around and made my way quickly over to Lala, who was eyeing me suspiciously from across the room. She was the only one there, but I could hear voices of other people in the back room.

"_I wonder where he could be." _

"_I don't know… do you think she'll find him?" _

"_I hope so, I feel so bad for her, with her ex coming back just as she started something with Rob, it just isn't fair to her, ya know? She never had a chance."_

_More than you know, _I thought sadly to that final statement.

"What can I do for you?" Lala asked, not seeming too happy to see me; not that I could blame her.

_Not that I want to help you… If you weren't so pretty, Bella wouldn't have a problem booting your ass._

"I need to see Bella," I replied.

"Well she's not here, as you can see." Lala gestured with her hands, a sarcastic smirk on her face.

_You just missed her… damn the luck…_

"Yes, I see that. You wouldn't by chance know where I could find her?" I asked, attempting to keep my cool. _I'm running out of fucking time! _

_Why the hell would I… Oh hell no… I'm just gonna tell this mother-fu…, _she didn't finish the thought as she started to speak.

"Look, let's just be clear on something," Lala stated. "I don't want to get in the middle of this love triangle bullshit that's going down, but I've got to tell you… that bitchy red headed twit had Bella all kinds of upset. All I gotta say is… if she's messin' with Rob to get back at Bella for some shit that had something to do with you, I hope Bella finds him, rips him a new asshole, and then kicks both of you motherfuckers to the curb, cause neither one of you deserve her."

If nothing else, I could definitely say that Bella had some loyal friends, and as frustrated as I was in that moment, I had to pause to appreciate the love they obviously had for her.

"Lala, listen. I know that you love Bella and that you would do anything to protect her…" I started, but she quickly jumped in.

"Damn right I do! And don't you fucking forget that!" she agreed, slamming her fist down on the counter.

"Please calm down. Let me finish. I think you're misunderstanding. You see, the woman you speak of, Victoria, she's unstable and could be a danger to Bella. I'm sure you also know how stubborn Bella can be. Especially when she's feeling responsible for things that are beyond her control. I really need to know where to find her. Please help me help Bella. I'm only trying to protect her. Lala, if you know where she is, I really need to know," I begged.

"You had better not be fucking with me," Lala replied. She took a deep breath and sighed as her resolve began to crumble. Eyeing me suspiciously one last time, she turned around and retrieved a rolodex from the desk top.

_Dude… if you are… so help me, I'll tear you apart and burn the pieces…._

_Oh, Lala. If only you knew how accurate that statement is… _I stood waiting impatiently for whatever information she was searching for. _Where is his address? Oh… here it is… _she thought, pulling a card from the rolodex.

"I don't want Bella to get hurt, do we understand each other?" she asked as she held out the card for me to take. I reached out to grab it, but she quickly pulled it back. "And I'm not even sure this is where she's headed. He has two places here in Vegas...this one and one in Red Rock Canyon," she added, finally handing me the card.

"I understand completely. I too only want what's best for her," I stated, nodding in gratitude. _For her sake, I hope you do Eddie Boy… _was the last thought I heard from her before I ran out the door.

BPOV

"Rob?" I called out as I stormed into his office. I was met with silence. The office was empty and it looked like he hadn't been there in days. The voicemail indicator on his phone read 22 messages, and the inbox on his desk was stacked full of papers. _Fuck!_

I shook my head in frustration and quickly left his office, making my way down the long hallway toward the exit. Just as I neared the double glass doors I heard my name called out.

"Bella?"

I quickly spun around, praying that Rob had arrived and saw me leaving, but no such luck. Instead of Rob as I had hoped, I found myself facing Jason, Lala's boyfriend.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I came to see Rob," I replied vaguely.

"Is he here?" He seemed shocked. "I've been looking for him everywhere… we all have." He gestured around to a few other people who were passing through and paying us no mind.

"No, he wasn't there," I replied, shaking my head.

"He was pretty upset the other night. Even so, it's unlike him not to call. You know he's got the hots for you, right?" he asked, eyeing me boldly and raising his brow.

I exhaled sharply in frustration. "I don't really have time to discuss this, Jason. I just need to find him. Do you have any idea where else I might look for him?" I questioned, carefully dodging the conversation he would rather have had.

Jason eyed me skeptically for a moment before sighing in resignation. "He has his apartment here in the City for when events are happening and what not, but mostly he stays out at his place in Red Rock Canyon."

"Red Rock Canyon?" _I didn't know he had a house… it seems there's a lot I don't know…_

He scrolled through his Blackberry before stopping and looking at me expectantly.

"What's your cell number?" he asked. I was reluctant to give him that information, but then he continued, "I'll text you the address."

"Oh okay," I replied and gave him my number. Instantly the address popped up on my screen. I thanked him for his help and turned to leave.

"Bella, if you see him, tell him to give me a call, okay?" Jason requested.

"Sure thing," I replied as I walked out and climbed back on my bike. _Red Rock Canyon…. Oh Rob, please be there…_ My thoughts wandered as I sped along, the warm afternoon air whipping around me.

Ana POV

As I pulled into the driveway, I remembered that Rob had once told me about a second entrance that he regularly used. I slammed the car in reverse and backed out, speeding down to the next street which came up to the back side of his property. His car was nowhere in sight.

I parked and walked up onto the back porch. Everything seemed to be in the same order as it was when I had visited last, which truthfully, had been quite a while back. I tried the door knob but it was locked. I followed the wraparound porch to the front of the house. The front door was partially opened, but no sounds came from inside. I thought back to Bella's fear that something had happened to Rob and became instantly panicked. Something definitely wasn't right and the intensity of the situation cranked up a notch.

Trembling, I pushed the door open further and peeked inside, but there was still no sign of anyone being there.

"Rob?" I called out again. Suddenly there was a flash of movement to my right. I quickly spun myself around and found myself face to face with Victoria, a sweet but venomous grin dancing on her red painted lips. Neither of us spoke as her we stared at each other intently for a brief moment.

Finally I decided to break the silence. It was about time someone told this bitch to back up off Bella. She'd been through enough drama related to this hooker.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" I asked sarcastically. "I mean… haven't you caused enough grief for Bella with Edward? That's why you're really here, right? So then why are you fucking with Rob? Bella's suffered enough turmoil from your whoring ways! So here's a thought… maybe you should close your legs and open your heart to Jesus," I spat with a taunting grin.

Victoria threw her head back and laughed; the shrill sound echoing off the walls of the empty foyer.

"You think you've got it all figured out, don't you? I'll tell you what… If you have a problem with it, why don't you take it up with Rob?" she asked, raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

Just as the question passed her lips, Rob stepped out from behind her, as if merely speaking his name had beckoned him to her.

Even in the partial darkness cast by the setting sun, it was clear that Rob looked different. He was pale; paler than I had ever seen. His hair was wild and unkempt, like a caged animal. His eyes quickly shifted around the room before landing on me, and I'd swear his eyes appeared blood red in color.

"You promised me Bella!" he yelled at Victoria menacingly.

Victoria pointed a finger in my direction. "This…" She waved her hand toward me. "This is the type of people that are keeping Bella from you. If you _truly_ want Bella, you need to handle _this_," she finished.

"What the fuck are you two talking about? I have nothing to do with his and Bella's relationship. Rob, you know this. Why are you even listening to her? What the hell has gotten in to you?" I questioned.

Rob looked to Victoria, who just nodded her head, and then shifted his gaze back to me. There was something wicked in his eyes as he searched me over. Rob took a tentative step forward, and just then the last of the sun came filtering thru the window, causing a slight shimmer to reflect off his skin. It was the most bizarre and beautiful thing I had ever seen, though I didn't have time to try and make sense of it. The next thing I knew he had launched himself from across the room, knocking me to the ground and slamming my head into the floor. A searing pain shot across my forehead, making me lightheaded and within a moment blood began trickling down my face and into my eye. My sight blurred as it mingled with tears, and I blinked repetitively, desperately trying to clear my vision, though it proved useless.

Though I couldn't clearly see him, I felt Rob hovering over me. He seemed captivated by the cut, inhaling deeply. A menacing growl rumbled from his chest as he leaned closer and started licking the trail of blood that was beginning to dry across my cheek and forehead.

_What the fuck is he doing? _

Instinctively I reached up to push him away, but his icy grip was overpowering, and I knew I didn't have a chance in hell. I was pinned under his weight, which felt as heavy as a boulder crushing down on me.

"Rob! What are you doing? Get the fuck off of me! I'm your friend!" I screamed in pain at the pressure of his weight against my ribcage. "Why are you doing this? It's me… Ana… Look at me dammit!" I screamed again. In an attempt to wake him from whatever psychotic trance he was in, I slapped him hard across the face. My hand met his cheek with a loud snap, but he didn't flinch. A stabbing pain shot up my arm, and I realized that the snap I'd heard was my hand breaking. I stared at my injury in shock, marveling at the fact that he seemed hard as stone.

I couldn't reach him. His mind seemed unable to comprehend my words. This was not my friend. My friend was no longer in there. This was some evil thing, a monster that was determined to hurt me.

Fear raged through me, but before I could say anything further, he pushed a heavy hand to my cheek, shoving my head to the side. I heard him take a deep breath and then felt him bite deeply into my neck. His teeth clenched tight into muscle and vein as he pulled back sharply, ripping the flesh away.

I screamed out in pain and fear, not understanding why he would have done such a thing. Instantly ravenous, he sucked and lapped at the blood that was gushing from the wound. Then he bit a second time, even deeper. I tried to cry out, but couldn't. An intense burning ran through my body, like a million hot needles scorching through my veins. I couldn't lie still as the agony consumed me and sent my body thrashing around beneath him. My entire being felt aflame and I briefly considered that I might spontaneously combust. I wanted to call for help, but felt certain that my vocal chords had been damaged from the trauma he had inflicted.

As I gasped, attempting to catch my breath between silent sobs. I could feel the gurgling of blood in my throat and chest. Struggling to breathe, I choked and coughed in a vain attempt to clear a path for my breath to resume, but the flood continued. I was going to die, having drowned on my own blood.

As my vision tunneled and the light started to fade into blackness, I heard a distant rumbling outside that brought me back to consciousness.

_Bella's Bike… Oh my God! No, Bella… RUN! _

My thoughts screamed out what I could no longer voice. The sound of her approaching bike had interrupted Rob's massacre. Crumpled in a heap on the floor, nearly drained and weakly writhing in agony, I continued to inhale pools of blood. I realized that I was slowly suffocating, yet my thoughts were only of Bella and what was about to happen to her and how there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Through blood stained eyes I saw Victoria head for the door. I shuddered, feeling the chill of death's grip creep upon me. At her orders, Rob lingered behind, no longer interested in my wilting carcass.

Bella was wise to have been afraid, and I knew in that moment that I would not live to see my friend again. I only prayed to see her in eternity, if there was one. As I took a final flooded gasp of air, everything faded to black.


	12. Chapter 12 Changes

BPOV

As I sped down the driveway, the engine of the bike rumbled loudly. I slammed it to a halt and prayed that Rob would be here. Not knowing where else to look if he weren't, I threw my leg over the seat and started toward the house. I got about halfway across the front yard when I noticed that the front door stood half open. I took off running towards the front porch, silently begging my feet to move faster. I was only a few feet away when Victoria stepped through the doorway and onto the porch, stopping me dead in my tracks.

_Shit… she's here… but is Rob?_

Victoria cocked her head to the side, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. "It's about time you got here," she cooed. "It's really too bad that you didn't arrive a little sooner. You've missed out."

"Where the hell is Rob?" I spat.

"Oh, he's inside, finishing a snack," she replied nonchalantly, drumming her black painted nails against a porch post. "I have to say, I'm impressed that you actually showed up. I'm so used to you running for your life and all, that I highly doubted you'd have the nerve." She crossed her arms and leaned against the railing. "Tell me…where's Edward? Has he tired of you again so quickly?"

"Don't you fucking worry about Edward! This is _my_ fight, not his. As a matter of fact, let's leave everyone else out of this too. He left me for three fucking years and you never made a move. What's taken you so long? Why didn't you kill me then… when I was unprotected? You know what… don't bother answering that. It doesn't fucking matter because I'm done running from you. I don't give a shit what happens to me anymore. Kill me… do whatever it is that you're going to do, but you leave my friends alone! Do you hear me? Leave my friends the fuck out of this!" I yelled, my body shaking with anger.

Victoria's mouth twisted into an evil grin just as Rob stepped out from behind the door.

"Bella?" he called.

_He's alive! _

Bypassing Victoria, he stepped down from the porch in a slow approach. Not that it mattered as I ran to him, relieved to see him alive and breathing.

"Oh my God, Rob! Are you okay?" I grabbed him around the waist as he swung his arm around my shoulder, pulling me tightly against him. He dipped his head down and nuzzled his face into my hair.

_Wow his grip is so strong, and he's freezing… what the…_

"Bella, I've… I… my God, Bella, you smell so fucking good!" he stated, his voice laced with malice.

_What? Oh, God, no…._

I struggled to break free of his iron grasp and after a few attempts he finally conceded. Immediately my gaze flashed up to his newly scarlet irises. Feeling the blood rush to my head, I became dizzy and disoriented. _No, no, no, this can't be happening…_

I stood unmoving, frozen in shock, until a noise from within the house caught my attention. I couldn't make out exactly what the sound was, but it sent a trail of goosebumps up my spine. Victoria's head whipped back towards the house as a high pitched snarl ripped from her chest. She spun back around and focused on Rob, narrowing her eyes.

"Fucking newborns," she hissed, seemingly to herself. "I told you to finish it! I swear, I could fucking kill you...if I hadn't already!" she yelled.

I looked from her to him.

"Rob, what did you do? Is someone hurt?" I asked. His lack of response was all the answer I needed. I hadn't even realized that I had been holding my breath until it burst out in a single gust. "You can't trust her, Rob. How could you have trusted her?" Fat, hot tears began to fall freely down my cheeks. I pressed my hands hard into my eyes, desperately trying to figure out how he could have fallen for her lies.

"It's okay, Bella. I know why you were angry with me before... because I couldn't be what he was for you. But she's freed me, Bella. She told me how he hurt you, abandoned you. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm just like him now, but I'll never let you go…so you can love me instead," Rob begged in an almost childlike tone. As he held his arms outstretched, inviting me back into his embrace, I saw blood stained and soaked into his sleeves, causing me to flinch.

Instantly realizing what I had seen, his expression changed from longing to panic. He took a single step toward me before Victoria spoke again, stopping him in his tracks.

"Rob, dear, I said you could have her. I never said you could keep her. You know what has to be done. Besides, you said it yourself, she smells absolutely delicious, no?" she provoked.

Rob looked to Victoria for a few moments, his eyes dancing in contemplation, before turning back to me. He inhaled deeply and a terrorizing growl reverberated from his chest. His lips pulled back over his teeth in a snarl as he crouched down, hissing at me and preparing to attack.

There was no escaping him, I knew that. My only option was to try and talk some sense into him before it was too late.

"Rob, no! Listen to me...you don't have to do this!" I demanded, but started stepping back in retreat.

Rob reached out and took my arm in his stone cold grasp. "Bella, don't run from me," he warned.

"Please, please don't do this!" I pleaded, my sense of self preservation finally kicking in. "I thought you wanted something with me? You don't want to kill me... I mean... M-maybe I c-could… love y-you," I replied, quivering in fear.

His grip on my arm loosened as he appeared momentarily stunned by my offer. I pulled away and stepped back quickly, preparing to run, but froze when I heard a thunderous rumble coming from the overgrowth. The ground shook beneath my feet and for that brief moment time stood still. Suddenly a giant russet colored wolf, the size of a bear, leapt from the surrounding trees and brush, landing within feet of me. He was crouched low to the ground, his muzzle snarled back, teeth gnashing, and drool dripping from his chin. I couldn't decide which fate would bring the quickest end. A resolved hopelessness sunk in quickly; I was dead either way.

The wolf lunged forward and I dropped to the ground, covering my head with my hands, as if that would prevent the attack. A loud crash resonated through the air and it took me a moment to realize that I had remained untouched. I raised my head out of my arms to find that the wolf had hurtled over me and pummeled Rob to the ground, rolling them both back a few hundred feet.

They both leapt up and were back on their feet quickly, circling and snarling at each other. Victoria became anxious and began yelling at Rob and the wolf. "Kill him! You are stronger than he is! Crush him! You should have stayed in Forks, pup. You're going to die today!"

I found my feet, but couldn't really feel my legs as wave upon wave of adrenaline crashed through my body.

_Forks? Pup? Oh my God! Jake? _

The wolf, Jake, launched himself at Rob, knocking him to the ground. Rob rolled over and quickly recovered his stance as Jake snapped his giant jaws at Rob's retreating form, only scarcely missing him. Rob swung a solid punch into the muzzle of the wolf, knocking him to the ground. Hearing Jake yelp I fell weakly back to my knees, realizing that with one wrong move, Jake could be taken from me forever.

"No! Jake, don't do this!" I screamed. "Just let him kill me!" My hands dug into sharp rock and gravel, cutting my palms in the process.

Rob seemed to pause for the briefest moment as he inhaled deeply again. I glanced down, holding my shaky, dirt covered palms out in front of me as the realization hit me that the scent of my bleeding had distracted him.

Victoria laughed dismissively and yelled out to Rob again. "Kill him and then finish her off."

Rob's eyes quickly shifted between Jake and me. A new determination displayed in his countenance as he stared Jake down, seemingly trying to determine the best way around him. He bolted past Jake in my direction but Jake quickly lurched forward and cut him off, refraining him from further approach. I turned my back, lowered my face to my hands and sobbed, feeling the grit scratching my tear stained cheeks. I knew this was going to be devastating. I was about to hear my best friend get killed and then I would die.

I braced myself for the blow and dropped my hands from my face. If I was going to die, I was going to look Rob in the eye, not cower in fear. Not anymore. I steeled my nerves, lifted my head, and turned to face my executioner. My jaw opened slightly as my brain registered that Jake was no longer alone. I hadn't heard him arrive, but Edward now stood defensively crouched alongside Jake, guarding me from the newborn. Rob looked for Victoria's guidance, but she had abandoned him, no longer anywhere in sight.

"Edward," I whispered. Tears ran unbridled down my cheeks and I suddenly felt horrible for having staved him off. If he hadn't arrived, Jake and I would both likely be dead.

Not seeming to grasp that he was about to die for a second time, Rob laughed maniacally. Jake and Edward simultaneously growled in response, silencing him. Rob looked between Jake and Edward and belted out a horrible, guttural scream as he tried once again to charge towards me. His eyes locked with mine and I turned my head towards the house, severing eye contact. He was never going to get past Edward and Jacob to kill me. The fight was over. I just couldn't watch him die.

As my eyes focused on the open doorway of the house, movement on the floor, mixed with a soft garbled moaning caught my attention. I jumped to my feet, suddenly remembering Rob's blood covered clothes, and tripped my way up the front stairs and into the foyer. I looked around quickly, focusing in on the area I had seen movement. A woman's body lay crumpled on the floor and she had lost so much blood. I took a few slow steps in her direction, not really knowing what to do. I heard myself whimpering at the sight and then suddenly the poor girls head rolled in my direction, eyes wide in horror.

"Ana! Oh my God, no! Ana, Ana…" I ran towards her and dropped to the floor, picking up the upper half of her body and cradling it to my chest. "Shh, Ana. It will be ok. Edward will save you…I promise. Just…just stay with me," I murmured, stroking her blood matted hair. Slicing thru the silence, my screams for help were deafening even to my own ears.

EPOV

Rob charged at Bella, memories of her professing her love for him battling with the desire to rip into the delicate flesh of her neck. He briefly struggled with which was more important to him. In the end her blood won, but there was no way I was going to let him get to her. I took off towards him. He may have been a newborn, but I was faster. My arm slammed across his chest, knocking him to the ground. He was momentarily stunned as he looked up at me towering over him. "She doesn't love you. She's _never_ loved you. She just feels sorry that you became Victoria's bitch," I spat.

"I guess we'll see about that," Rob replied, jumping to his feet and trying to run towards Bella again.

I grabbed hold of his left arm, launching myself up and onto his back. As he reached back with his other arm to pull me off, I took hold of that one too. He dropped to his knees, desperately trying to shake me off. Fortunately Jasper had taught me a few things about newborns, and having the advantageous ability to read his thoughts, I had no problem anticipating his move. As I flew over him I tightened my grip on his arms, causing them to rip from his body with the force of my projection.

Jake stood nearby, anxiously waiting an opportunity to finish this fight. As soon as Rob's arms were removed from his body, Jake leapt forward, pushing him flush to the ground. Rob's screams pierced the night as he struggled under the weight of Jake's massive frame with no way to defend himself. Jake let out one final cry and tore his monstrous jaws into Rob's neck. A loud crack resounded and Rob's head severed and tumbled away from his body.

As Jake piled the dismembered pieces of Rob, I quickly reached into my pocket, pulled out a lighter and yelled for Jake to move. He jumped back and I tossed the Zippo onto Rob's remains.

The purple flames danced in the darkness and a sweet smelling smoke permeated the air. It was finally over. I looked around, searching for Bella, but didn't see her. It only took a moment before I heard her screaming from inside the house.

I followed Bella's cries and found her sitting on the blood covered floor of the foyer, holding Ana's broken body.

"Edward! Please… you have to help her, please!" she begged.

I could still hear the faint sound of Ana's heart, beating painstakingly slow in comparison to Bella's, which was thumping wildly. The blood on the ground had begun to congeal, so I knew that too much time had already passed and there was nothing I could do.

"Bella, I can't… it's too late," I replied, shaking my head.

"What? Yes you can! Just do like you did for me… like in Phoenix!" she cried.

"Bella, I got to you right away, sweetheart. It's been too long… there's nothing I can do. We either have to let the change happen or kill her. There's no other option."

"No other option for what?" Jake asked, walking into the foyer.

He looked down at Bella holding Ana's bloody body and took a step back. Thoughts raced so quickly through his mind that I had trouble differentiating one from the other. It was impossible to make sense of them.

"Holy shit! Umm...what the fuck...excuse me for a minute," Jake replied, backing out onto the front porch.

"We can't kill her! She's my friend!" Bella exclaimed, reaching one hand up to wipe away her tears and leaving a trail of blood up her cheek in the process.

My senses quickly went into overdrive as Jacob's muddled thoughts rushed through my head. Instinctually, I took an otherwise unneeded deep breath, causing me to catch Bella's intoxicating scent. As if that weren't enough, she sat in front of me covered in blood. The demon inside of me rattled violently against his cage, begging to be set free. I couldn't remember a time in this life when my mouth had flowed as freely with venom as it did in that moment. All my mind could focus on was the sight of Bella covered in blood, almost as if she were offering it up to me in sacrifice.

Disgusted with myself for even considering it appealing, I closed my eyes and swallowed back the venom that had pooled in my mouth. Jacob stormed back into the house. Thankfully his thoughts took on a more dominant roll, pulling me from the disturbing images that my mind had been conjuring. He was angry about Ana's change, but suddenly nothing in the world was more important to him than her. Ana was now to Jake what Bella was to me.

"Fuck..." I said under my breath, suddenly realizing that the Jake's imprint gene had kicked in.

His thoughts progressed to a more protective nature when considering the idea of having to kill her to stop the change, but he was equally repulsed at the idea that she would be like me.

"She's changing, like it or not," I voiced out loud in response to his final thought. "If we're not stopping it then we need to get her to Carlisle." I took a step to lift Ana's haggard body from Bella, but Jake reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Don't you dare fucking touch her" he snapped._ Just leave her alone._

"Jake, you need to calm down. I'm just lifting her off of Bella so we can get her back to my house. Carlisle has the most experience with the change. I'm not going to hurt her. We already took care of the son of a bitch that did that," I calmly reminded him.

Jacob seemed to regain his control as he released my arm and nodded his head, relenting to let me help her. I grabbed a throw blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Ana.

_She should be in agony about now...but she's so quiet. Something isn't right_, I thought somberly as I looked down at her angelic face.

Jake stepped forward and reached out for Ana. "She belongs with me. I'll run her," he argued.

"Jake, it's quicker if I do it. I know you're fast, but I'm faster. We'll get to Carlisle quicker," I reasoned. "Why don't you drive Bella? Then you will have equal possession of what is most important to me, as I will for you," I suggested. Jake thought a moment before he reluctantly nodded in agreement and extended his hand to Bella. When she didn't respond, he leaned over and gently lifted her up. She buried her head in his shoulder, still sobbing. I gave Jacob the keys to my car and gave him brief instructions on how to get there. I knew that Bella knew the way and could help out if he were unclear.

I pushed open the front door and carried Ana into the living room. The rest of my family was gathered there, anxiously awaiting our arrival, surely thanks to Alice.

"Where's Bella, Edward? I can't see her," Alice asked, remorse tensing up her face as she looked sympathetically at Ana.

"She's coming. She and Jake will be here soon." I replied, not getting any further before Carlisle approached. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "What happened, Edward?"

I recounted all that had transpired in the last few hours, including Victoria's fleeing and Rob's demise.

"Alright, well let's get her up to the guest room," Carlisle stated.

"Carlisle, she hasn't made a sound since we found her. She should be feeling the fire by now, right? I'm worried something is wrong," I answered.

"That is unusual. We will just have to wait and watch. We won't know if the change is happening until we see her begin to change or we hear her heart stop," he replied.

After getting her set up, Carlisle went down to greet Bella and Jake who had just arrived. I stood watching Ana for a few moments, awaiting a scream, a yelp, anything expressing the burning that she was feeling as her humanity melted away. I remembered that torture clearly, but Ana never moved, she only whimpered mildly, displaying slight twitches in her limbs. I'd never seen anyone so calm during the agony. Her thoughts shifted between confusion as to what had happened to her, the pain she seemed to experience intermittently, worry that Rob would come back and finish her off and finally guilt for not having been able to help save Bella. She thought Bella would have been next and presumed her to be dead.

I brushed her bloody hair out of her face and leaned over to whisper to her. "Bella's alive, Ana. If you hadn't gone to find Rob or if she had beaten you there… I dare not think what might have happened, but you saved her life and I'll forever be indebted to you for that."

The tension in her pale face softened a little at my revelation that Bella was alive.

I spoke to Ana for moment more before I walked out into the hallway, heading toward the stairs. As I approached the staircase, I saw Jacob's black hair peeking above the horizon of the top step. He cleared the summit, stopping when he saw me standing there. "Where is she?" he asked casually, although his thoughts were much more impatient.

I turned and pointed to the room down the hall. "She's in the guest room. Jake, she's extraordinarily calm considering what is happening to her. We've never seen someone remain this composed during the change before. Please don't mistake that for her being harmless. She will awaken in about three days if the rest of her change goes as we expect. When she does awaken, she will be ravenous, thirsty beyond compare, and extremely dangerous. It would be unwise for anyone to be here other than my family."

"I appreciate your concern but I'll be fine, and I'm not going anywhere," he stated firmly with a hint of sarcastic entitlement.

I didn't feel the need to instigate an argument. Enough damage had been done for the day and I really just wanted to get downstairs where Bella was still talking with Carlisle. I needed to make sure that she was okay. A lot of bad shit has happened to her over the past three years, most of it my fault. Who knew how she would take this turn of events? Her almost boyfriend had been decapitated and her best friend was now turning into a vampire.

I reached the last step into the living room and was surprised to find it empty. I heard talking and followed the sounds into the kitchen. Alice was busying herself making hot chocolate while Carlisle was talking to Bella, who was sitting at the dining room table, wide-eyed and still covered in blood. He was in the middle of telling her the process of the change and what Ana was most likely experiencing. He looked at me warily for a moment before he turned back to Bella and began explaining to her that it would be unsafe for her to be around Ana after the change due to the instability of newborns. I watched as that piece of information registered with her. Having a newborn meant that Bella couldn't be around our house, which was going to make things difficult when it came to protecting her.

I looked around the kitchen at the rest of my family. I caught sight of Rosalie first, sitting at the opposite end of the table, drumming her manicured nails roughly against the hard wood. Her eyes locked with mine and narrowed as she began to hurl her opinionated thoughts in my direction. _Way to fucking go, Edward! You refused to admit that Bella should have just been changed in the first place, and now look what's happened._

I sighed and turned towards Emmett who was pacing back and forth in front of the kitchen sink, clenching and unclenching his fists in rapid succession. He was raving to go after Victoria, furious that once again she had managed to cause problems for our family. His thoughts were a little more self-centered however. _This is fucked up! Who does that bitch think she is? Rose didn't get along with Ana before, when they stayed here… what the fuck is gonna happen now? I'm gonna fucking rip her head clean off when I catch that bitch! How dare she keep fucking with my family like this! Poor Bella, she doesn't deserve this shit._

Jasper was tucked into the corner, fighting to control all the various raging emotions swirling around him. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and excused himself, wandering outside and away from the house.

The conversation paused as everyone took a moment of silence for no apparent reason. Then suddenly Bella cleared her throat and glanced between all of us before settling on me.

"Edward, I know things haven't been um... ideal... lately, but I've given this a lot of thought and the only thing that makes sense is for me to be like you. If I'm immortal she won't have near the chance of destroying me that she does now. I want you to change me... now," she stated, looking back down to her hands in her lap and awaiting my response.

I didn't want to say it. I knew that as soon as I spoke the words a turn for the worst was inevitable.

"I can't," I whispered, unable to meet Bella's eyes. Her sullen expression instantly morphed into one of anger and resentment.

"Not again… Fine! You know what… fuck you! You aren't the only vampire I know. Carlisle?" She shifted in her chair to face him. He looked to me, shaking his head so slightly she couldn't have seen. _Edward, I'm sorry... _he thought.

"Bella, it's not because we don't want you to be part of the family..." he started, but she quickly cut him off, looking to Alice.

"Alice?" she asked.

"Bella, we just can't. Dealing with newborns is a lot of work. It would just be too much to try and help Ana and change you," Alice replied sadly.

"Are you serious? You…you're going to refuse me too?" Her anger manifested physically as her hands began to shake. She turned an icy glare to me.

"You lied to me! Again! You know...I knew it! I knew you were bluffing when you offered to change me. So what's your excuse now, Edward? I'm not half dead enough for you? You didn't find me bleeding out on the pavement or attacked and left for dead, so I'm not worthy? I may as well just face it... you've never wanted me forever. You'll take Ana... my best friend served up to you on silver platter, but not me, even as I offer myself to you willingly."

"Bella, I...," I began, but she refused to let me finish. She just sat shaking her head, seemingly attempting to block me out.

"I don't want to hear your bullshit lies anymore, Edward. I've heard enough... from all of you. I get it. I can't go home, you all obviously don't want me to be part of your family, and the one person that _has _been there for me the past three years I'm not allowed to be around. So you tell me...what the fuck am I supposed to do?" she asked, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. She looked around at everyone, awaiting a response.

When no one answered right away she turned and began walking toward the door to the living room. "I honestly don't know why you put yourselves through the trouble of keeping me alive. Life will be much less complicated for you when I'm dead and you all don't have to burden yourselves with my insignificance."

I had never heard her talk like that and I suddenly feared that she might do something reckless in her frame of mind.

"Bella, wait!" I took a step toward her, my arm outstretched to lessen the distance.

"Relax, Edward, I'm just going to the bathroom," she replied sarcastically, not looking at me. I saw her quickly swipe a hand at her cheeks, wiping away evidence that she was crying.

BPOV

I couldn't even look at them anymore. How could I be important enough to protect, but not important enough to become one of them? I didn't want to cry in front of them. They didn't deserve to see my tears.

Closing and locking the bathroom door, I leaned against the cool wood and allowed myself a few moments to weep quietly. I looked down, inspecting my clothing, ripped and stained with blood, sweat, and tears. Taking a deep sigh, I turned on the sink and began scrubbing at my hands. Ana's blood was buried under my fingernails and soaked into my sleeves. I pulled my over shirt off roughly and tossed it in the trash, leaving me in a tank top and capris. After my hands were thoroughly clean, I reached up to grab the hand towel and caught my reflection in the mirror. More blood... in my hair and smeared on my face._ Ana's blood_.

As thoughts of Ana and Rob rushed through my mind, I frantically started scrubbing my face with water as hot as I could stand. I felt disgusting. Not just from blood, but from guilt. I felt guilt and shame all over me like a thick layer of sweat and muck. I wanted to wash it away, and even though I knew that it wasn't possible, I pulled open the shower door and piled myself inside, fully dressed.

Once again I turned the water as hot as I could possibly stand, hoping it would help melt away the agony of loss and rejection. The bathroom quickly filled with a dense mist of steam from the shower. I sobbed openly then, as the water pelted down drenching me, seemingly to the core. I was exhausted. My body weakened and my knees buckled under the pressure as I collapsed onto the cool tile and propped myself against the shower wall in a mind numbing daze.

I heard a faint knocking at the door. Not even sure I could muster the strength to use my voice, I didn't make a sound. Truthfully, there was nothing left to say. Not only were they not going to change me, I was losing my best friend, and I had to come up with a reason for the crew to understand Ana's abandonment of a shop that she poured every bit of herself into. I lost track of time as I sat, contemplating what I was going to do. My saturated clothes began to feel heavy, almost as if I were anchored to the floor, which was fine by me. The idea of walking out that door, just to get worthless apologetic glances from everyone, made my stomach churn. A comfortable darkness hovered and I felt myself slipping as my peripheral vision tunneled to black. I didn't have it in me to fight it, I just closed my eyes and let it engulf me.

EPOV

I knocked on the door lightly, but Bella didn't answer. I could hear her crying, but she wasn't going to let me comfort her. She had locked herself away into our guest bathroom and all I could do was wait. I heard the shower kick on which surprised me, knowing that Bella didn't have a change of clothing.

_She must be washing off all the blood._

After around thirty minutes of the shower running, I began to worry and knocked a little more forcefully, but still received no answer. At nearly an hour I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm about to go in and check on her," I said to my family who were all sitting randomly around the living room.

"Edward, you need to give her some space, she's had a very tough day," Esme answered.

"I know, but she's been in there too long! Something's wrong," I replied.

Everyone sat silently eyeing each other before Rosalie spoke up. "Of course something's wrong you dumb ass! You just told the love of your life that you don't want her… again! You know, Edward, for you to be so smart, you can be really fucking stupid too!" she spat, jumping up from the couch and bounding up the stairs. Within a moment she was back at the base and headed toward the bathroom door with fresh clothes in hand.

She knocked twice but Bella didn't answer.

"Bella, its Rose. I'm coming in."

Bella still didn't answer. Rose exhaled softly. "Sorry, Esme," she whispered, knowing Esme would hear her. She wrapped her hand around the doorknob, twisted and pulled down, breaking it from the door. She gently pushed it open and called for Bella again. Still there was no answer. She glanced at me once from over her shoulder before she disappeared into the bathroom.

I stood outside the door, listening for any indication that she would need my help. I heard the click of the shower door being pulled open and then Rose whispered, "Oh, Bella."

"Rose, what's going on in there?" I asked nervously.

_Edward, she's okay, the stress was just too much. Stop hovering, _she thought.

A moment later, Rose emerged from the bathroom holding Bella, wrapped in a large towel. Bella was shivering and whimpering in her sleep. "She fell asleep?" I asked, not believing my eyes. "In the shower… fully dressed?" I stepped forward to take Bella from her arms, but she twisted to the side and shrugged past me. "I've got her. And yes, Edward… she's only human, remember?" Rose spat. I wasn't blind to her insinuation, but it still stung.

"That isn't fair," I replied defensively. "You all know how much I love her."

Her glare softened a bit. "She's soaked. I'm taking her to your room to get her out of all these wet clothes. Stay out," she insisted.

She walked away from me, passed through the living room, and up the stairs. Alice hopped up from the couch and followed her, looking back apologetically to me, before disappearing up the stairs. As much as I wanted to, I didn't follow.

"Edward, you should go hunt. The girls will take good care of her and she's resting now anyway. You'll need your strength for when Ana wakes. We all will. We're going to have our hands full teaching her our ways," Carlisle said, looking between Emmett and I.

"Come on, dude, I'll go with ya. It'll be a boys night out tonight," Emmett offered, slapping me hard on the back.

I knew that Bella would be safe with my family, and I was quite thirsty, so I took Carlisle's advice and Emmett and I headed out into the night.

Rose POV

Edward could be such an insensitive prick sometimes, though I had to admit, I was surprised to walk in and find Bella fully dressed and passed out on the shower floor myself. I would have expected her to ignore us, especially with the display that had happened in the kitchen, but all of this was clearly taking a much bigger toll on her than we expected. Despite everyone's beliefs, I had never disliked Bella, I just didn't agree with the choices she was prepared to make. The consequences were irreversible, and yet suddenly I saw it from her perspective.

Alice and I reached Edward's room, just down the hall from the guest room that Ana was staying in. Through the partially open door into Ana's room I could see Jacob sitting at the bedside, holding and caressing the back of Ana's hand. I quickly averted my sight, entered Edward's room, and laid her down on the chaise lounger, still wrapped in the towel. Alice began to disrobe Bella from the sopping mass of destruction that used to be her clothing and dried her off the best she could, leaving her in her damp bra and underwear.

"Do you think we should dress her or would she sleep more comfortable in her underwear? I haven't slept in so long, I don't remember what I would have done," Alice replied, grinning and shrugging. "Oh, I've got it!" she exlaimed, answering her own question before I had time to speak. "I'll go get that robe that I got when Jasper and I went on that trip last fall." She hopped up from the lounger and was gone.

In a flash she had returned, clutching a Navy Blue robe. I carried Bella over to the bed and we rolled her softly onto her stomach, thinking it would be easier to slip onto her arms that way. She never stirred. Once she was flipped over, both Alice and I froze. As the moonlight beamed in from Edward's many windows, Bella's tattoo was boldly showing right before our eyes.

"I almost forgot she had it," I said.

Alice almost spoke, but just as she opened her mouth, Bella shivered and again whimpered in her sleep, pulling us both from our reverence. Alice just shook her head and softly slipped the robe over Bella's arm, as did I. We gently rolled her back over, folding the robe closed and tying it loosely at her waist. Alice grabbed a light blanket and laid it across her. She seemed to relax as she snuggled into the plush warmth.

As we made our way back out into the hallway, only partially closing Edward's door, Alice paused, grabbed my arm lightly and pointed at the next room over. I silently looked to her with a confused expression. Before I could question what was going on, I heard a man's soft voice and I realized what she was pointing at. We both stood quietly in the hall, listening to Jacob speak to Ana.

"You're gonna be okay, Ana. I'll be here for you when you wake up. I don't know how I've been around you all this time and never noticed you the way I'm noticing you now. I feel like I've loved you forever," he whispered to her. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I want you to know that I will love you forever… if you'll let me. I'm not sure how it works… now that you'll be like them… the Cullens. How is it possible for me to be so madly in love with a vampire, when you're supposed to be my natural enemy? Do you realize what you're becoming? Will you even be able to love me in return? I can only pray that you will, because everything I am or could ever hope to be is now yours."

We didn't eavesdrop any further. Alice and I made eye contact, both nodding in silent agreement that it would be okay for us to go back down and let Bella rest. Jacob seemed as out of sorts about all of this as we were. Things were changing. Whether for better or worse was yet to be seen.

BPOV

As consciousness came to me slowly, I could hear movement from somewhere in the room. I wasn't ready to face anyone yet, so I kept my eyes closed, hoping they would eventually leave.

"I know you're awake, Bella," a familiar voice spoke.

"So... That doesn't mean I have anything to say," I replied, still not opening my eyes.

"Bella, please... we need to talk," he started again, pleadingly.

I rolled over and tossed the blanket off as I sat up on the edge of Edward's bed and noticed that I was just in a robe and my underwear. "Where are my clothes? And what am I doing in here? You could have just put me on the couch," I said, rubbing my eyes and pushing my hair back out of my face. I looked up at Edward's sad expression.

"Rose and Alice are responsible for this," he gestured at the robe. "You were soaked; we couldn't let you to catch cold or something."

I sighed deeply, remembering the events that led to that, and looked down to the floor as the rejection knotted up in the pit of my stomach.

"I know you don't want to see me right now, but we need to discuss where you will be going…before Ana wakes up," he said cautiously. "Alice is going to take you to Texas," he stated matter of factly.

"What? I'm not going to Texas! What the fuck is in Texas?" I argued.

"Nothing is in Texas. Nothing familiar to you that is... that's why it's perfect; it won't be expected. Jasper's from there, and he and Alice have visited several times. She's familiar with the area and there's plenty of... space. You'll be in the country, away from humans, so she won't have to hide and there's plenty for her to hunt in close proximity," he replied.

"You realize you're completely insane, right? I'm not going to fucking Texas with Alice... or anyone else, Edward."

"Be reasonable, Bella. We're just trying to keep you safe. I know you're upset about our conversation last night, but..." I didn't let him finish the sentence as I jumped up from the bed and bounded at him, pushing my finger into his chest.

"I'll go wherever I damn well please and I don't want Alice coming. You all don't want me and I have to face that, but now I'm saying I don't want you. I'm not your fucking pet, and I don't want to be babysat. When are you going to get it? I don't care what happens to me anymore!" I yelled.

EPOV

It pissed me off that she had seemingly given up on her life because I couldn't change her. I was just about to respond, but again was interrupted, this time by a knock at the door. "What do you want, Jacob?" I asked, not even looking to see him enter the room. He didn't even get in the door and his thoughts were already annoying the shit out of me. _What have you done now, Cullen? She doesn't seem to like what you have to say these days. I guess your hold on her is finally slipping, huh? _he thought.

"Hey, Bells..." He nodded at her, smiled, and then looked back to me."I was just about to head down and see if you actually keep any food in that obscenely large kitchen, but I overheard Bella and she sounded upset. I just thought I'd check in and make sure everything is okay," he stated, looking back at her questioningly.

"Yes, actually, everything's fine. You'll be glad to know that the kitchen's well stocked, but I'm afraid we're all out of Alpo," I replied, sarcastically apologetic.

"God, you're such an asshole!" Bella spat. "No, Jake, everything is not fine! I'm fucking pissed off! I have nowhere to go until Ana gets under control, and Einstein here wants me to go to the middle of bumfuck Texas with Alice for God knows how long. It's not happening, Edward!" she argued.

"Well..." Jake said. "You could always go stay with my dad at the Rez, Bella. The pack can protect you, and you won't have to worry about being babysat. No one is going to criticize your every move. Besides, I think he would really enjoy your company after not having seen you in a couple years."

"Absolutely not!" I cut in. "Bella..." She of course wouldn't let me finish a sentence.

"I think that would be perfect, Jake! I haven't been back to Forks in... shit... how long has it been? Oh yeah, three years give or take," she stated, shooting me an angry glare, rubbing in the fact that the last time she had been there was when I had left. "When are you going back? I'll just catch a ride with you, if that's cool?" she questioned and he froze. He wasn't planning on going back now that he saw Ana in a different light, at least not until he could find a way to take her with him.

_Fuck this shit with Jacob Black!_ I was grateful that he was there to help protect Bella when I wasn't, but he's also part of the reason that I hadn't been there. Alice couldn't see shit with him around, and apparently he had been following her. I'd be damned if he was going to stand there and let Bella believe he had only stuck around for her well being.

"Don't you need to be getting back to your love? I'm sure she's missing you whispering sweet nothings to her while she burns," I replied coldly. I had overheard Rose and Alice's thoughts about having seen him talking to Ana the night before.

Jacob's faced morphed into shock and then disgusted rage, but Bella spoke before he could.

"What are you talking about? Edward, have you really lost your fucking mind?" she asked, pressing a hand to her forehead while she gave me a questioning glance.

"You do the honors," I told Jake. He didn't answer, beginning to shake in anger. "No? You don't want to share? Tell you what, I'll help you out," I stated, looking between Jake and Bella.

"What the fuck is going on? The truth!" Bella demanded.

"You want truth? Here it is. You're best friend is going to wake up tomorrow evening a ravenous newborn and you can't be here when she does. You think I don't love you and I don't want you forever, but _all_ I want is to know you're safe, so that when the time is right I _can_ make you mine forever. You want some more truth? Try this on for size..." I pointed to Jake. "Your knight in shining armor here didn't stay for you. He's imprinted on Ana. Imprinting… for his kind, means that she is now the most important thing in his life. She's more important than his dad, or his pack. She's more important than everything… including you."

It felt good to out him, but the smug smile on my face fell as my eyes left Jacob and focused on Bella's widened, tear filled eyes.

"Jake?" she asked as the tears spilled over. "Is it true?"


	13. Chapter 13 Going Home

BPOV

Confusion swirled around my brain as I tried to put meaning to everything Edward had just revealed.

I held my breath in anticipation of Jacob's response, but he stayed silent, glaring daggers at Edward. When he finally spoke it wasn't to me.

"Way to go! You feel like the fucking man now, trying to out me? Didn't really work out though did it? All you've managed to do is make her cry... again!" Jake spat.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but I gave him a look that must have made him reconsider. I didn't want them fighting anymore. It was a moot point anyway.

"Jake, is it true?" I repeated, thinking to myself that I never really expected Jake to find me most important in his life. I was more interested in knowing if he really felt something for Ana.

He looked solemnly at me, but then averted his eyes to the floor, nodding his answer before speaking it.

"Yes, Bella, it's true, but it isn't near as malicious as this asshole would like to believe. I can't help what I am, and imprinting is a part of this life, just like phasing. I have no control over who or when. It just happened."

"So, what does this mean? Is she your mate now?" I asked, not fully understanding the extent to which imprinting worked.

"If she'll have me, then yes. But just because I imprint on her, doesn't make it automatic for her to feel the same way in return. I'll be whatever she needs me to be, even if that means just staying her friend," he answered, a sense of longing in his voice.

I knew it was irrational and wrong, but a small part of me ached with hurt. I had always known that Jacob was not meant for me, that he would never be more than 'just a friend', more by my choice than his. Yet still, this sudden realization was disorientating. I had been blindsided, never even _considering_ that Jake would one day no longer even be an option. So I hadn't been prepared for this twist in my emotions, this unguarded nerve struck. Jacob had found his mate, his imprint, and that person was not me. Not only did I feel rejected by Edward, but now I could no longer be desired by Jacob. I was losing him to _her; _just as I had lost the Cullens to _her._

As that last thought hit me, I became disgusted with myself, with my selfishness. I loved Ana. I loved Jake. And most off all, I loved Edward. So I pushed back against the sharp edge of rejection and jealousy and smiled, tears still softly gliding down my cheeks.

"Bella, please don't cry," Jake said, taking a step toward me and gently wiping a tear from my chin with his thumb. "I'm never going to stop loving you, or wanting to be your friend. We all have our one and only out there somewhere. She's become that for me, and she doesn't even know it yet. Now I just have to wait for my sleeping beauty to wake up so I can prove it to her, and then hopefully we can get to the happily ever after part." He smiled shyly.

His words made me realize that this could actually be a really good thing for him and Ana. They both deserved happiness, and if they could find it in each other then who was I to complain. Truthfully, I knew the pain I was caught up in was primarily me feeling sorry for myself, but I couldn't help it.

"Jake, I'm not crying because I'm upset. I'm crying because I'm happy for you. Ana deserves a great guy, and I can't think of anyone I would rather my best friend wind up with for all eternity than you. I'm sure she'll realize that too.

"You know... she's always thought you were great anyway. I just think now she'll see you... differently." I closed the distance, stepping into Jake's personal space, and attempted to wrap my arms around his massive frame. He took me into his arms and hugged me tightly.

"Thanks, Bells, I'm glad you're so understanding about this," he said, loosening his grasp in order to look me in the eyes. "I just didn't think you needed anymore drama, having been through so much already. That's the only reason I didn't tell you," he finished and shifted a stern glance back toward Edward.

I let my arms fall to my sides and turned to face Edward as well.

"You know, that was a really shitty thing to do. I would have thought after 112 years on this planet you might have learned some fucking manners."

"Bella -" he started, but I quickly interrupted. I didn't care what he had to say. In my opinion there had been three years of time in which he could have spoken, three years I sat wasting away, waiting on some type of communication. But he chose to stay silent. Ana would be waking soon, so it was time for me to go. I would be damned if I was going to stay around a second longer than necessary.

"Where are my fucking clothes? And I want to see Ana…to say goodbye," I stated. "And then I'll work on my travel arrangements to Forks."

Looking around the room I found some clothes that Alice must have left for me. I grabbed the pair of jeans and the shirt that hung over a nearby chair and ducked into the adjacent bathroom, dressing quickly and running a brush through my knotted hair.

"Forks? You don't seriously expect me to let you go stay on the Reservation do you? No, Bella, I'm coming with you, we'll stay at our house," Edward's voice resounded through the bathroom door.

_Did he just say what I think he said?_ I thought as I flung the door open and stormed back into the bedroom.

"Let me? _Let me_? What the fuck, Edward? You decided last night that you didn't want me, and now you think you're coming with me? I'm not your mate, remember? That means you don't get a say in what I do or don't do. So if I decide on a whim to go dive off a fucking cliff, it would be _my_ choice! I don't have to ask your permission! I mean, what's the worst that could happen? My reckless behavior will get me killed? I guess fate would be doing us all a favor. I mean, hey... we've all gotta go sometime, right? Except for all of you of course!" I exclaimed, swinging my arms wildly to insinuate everyone in the household with the exception of myself.

Remorse quickly faded from Edward's face and an angry fire glowed in his eyes as he responded.

"You don't have to remind me that I've fucked things up! I know that I've fucked things up, but that doesn't matter now, because I'm going with you. You can be angry and resentful to me for all eternity if you wish, but you are _not_ swaying my decision," he stated matter of factly.

"What if I say I don't want you to come?" I stared stone faced at him. I really did want to be with him of course, I just didn't know how to let my guard down anymore. Every time I did, I was bitten... except when I actually wanted to be.

"We both know that's not true, Bella. If you didn't care about me you wouldn't be upset enough to fight about this," he replied.

"Me caring was never the issue, Edward! It is, however, very questionable about how much you care," I stated. His face jerked to the side, as if I'd slapped him.

_He did this, don't you feel sorry for him!_

"I'm ready to see my friend. And after that, I'm gonna need to drop by the shop so I can go try to explain to all of the other inconvenient humans how Ana won't be coming back."

I stepped out of his room and realized I didn't know where they were keeping Ana. I turned around and gave Edward a pleading look. He smiled sadly as he passed by me and gently grabbed my hand, leading me down the hall to a closed door at the end of the hall. Jake followed closely on our heels. Standing in front of her door, I paused in an attempt to prepare myself for what she might look like. Neither Jake nor Edward said anything. I slowly opened the door, took a few deep breaths, and then baby stepped into the room. Immediately I could see the changes in her. She looked like a porcelain doll. Her black hair contrasted sharply against the flawless and hauntingly familiar paleness I had come to know. The hole in her neck was healed over, only glistening a hint of a scar, similar to the one on my arm, but much less noticeable.

"Can she hear me?" I asked out loud to no one in particular.

"Yes," Edward replied.

I pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down, just staring at her. Ana was always beautiful, but the transformation she was undergoing had accentuated all her natural beauty that much more. I wondered briefly what I would have looked like, but quickly pushed the thought aside as my envy of the situation began to tear at me from inside. I felt a little self conscious talking to her with Edward and Jacob looking on, but knew better than to believe that they would leave me alone with her, so I just started talking.

"Oh Ana, I'm so sorry for all of this. What were you doing there? I thought you had stayed at the shop," I paused, awaiting an answer that I knew wasn't coming and then continued.

"I hope you don't hate me for this, I just couldn't let you die. If it's any consolation, I want to be what you are becoming, but they don't want me."

From my peripheral, I saw Edward looking to the floor and running his hands roughly into his hair, but it didn't stop me.

"I'm not going to be able to see you for a while. Everything is changing, and from what Carlisle tells me, you're going to have a lot happening when you wake up. I'll figure out something to tell Lala and the crew so they don't worry where you've gone. I want you to know that I love you so much, and I don't know where I would be if you hadn't taken me in when I first came to Vegas. You helped me try to live again, even when I never believe that I could. Just remember that you are always going to be in my thoughts. The Cullens are prepared to help you in every way they can, and hopefully it won't be too long before I can see you again."

I was never good with goodbyes, so of course my damn heart betrayed me yet again, and though I didn't think I had any left, warm tears fell freely.

"Don't be too hard on Jake, he's gonna be great for you. You have an eternity of love waiting for you when you wake up. I envy you that," I whispered, my voice breaking.

I stood up from her bedside and leaned over her, placing a small kiss to her forehead. "See you soon."

Staring at my feet while thoughts swirled through my mind, I headed back toward the door. When I finally looked up, I noticed Jake and Edward were both staring at me. Jake was misty eyed and Edward looked like someone had run over his puppy, his hair practically standing on end from all the tugging he had been doing.

"I'm ready to go now," I said quietly, stepping past them and into the hallway.

They both followed me from the room and down the stairs. I didn't stop to say goodbyes to anyone, knowing that it wouldn't matter anyway. Everything that needed to be said had already been done. I made my way out onto the front porch and pulled my cell phone from my pocket to call a cab. As soon as the operator at the cab company had answered, Edward snatched my phone away and clasped it shut.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, propping my hands upon my hips as I glared at him.

"You don't need to take a cab, Bella. You know it isn't necessary. I told you, I'm coming with you. I'll take you anywhere you need to go," Edward replied.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about, Edward! You can't just _do_ that... you can't make me do things your way just because you don't like mine!" I replied, stomping my foot like a petulant child. "What do you want from me? Because... I don't know what to do anymore. Something has to give, Edward. I can't keep doing this."

Edward reached out to hand me back my phone, grabbing and holding my hand in the process. I felt my breath hitch at the urgency of his touch, and although I was still hurt, I didn't pull away from him. He began rubbing small circles to the backside of my hand as he spoke pleadingly.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk about this when we get back to Forks. For now we need to go get you packed and handle Ana's alibi for the shop."

As usual we were at an impasse, and I was still too angry, yet totally consumed and in love with him, to think clearly about it. I decided to put that thought aside and focus on a more immediate problem.

"What am I going to tell them? They aren't going to be easy to fool," I spoke out loud to myself.

I wasn't a good liar; I never had been. Yet despite this fact, I spun a surprisingly convincing tale to Lala and the crew, explaining to them that due to a series of threats from Victoria, I found it necessary to leave town for awhile. I also informed them that Ana would be going with me. They were hesitant at first, but after carefully reminding them that Ana had moved in with me at the Cullens to ensure I was safe, and that Ana was Ana after all – selfless, loyal, protective – they accepted every thread in my web of lies without further question.

Edward and I arrived at his family's home in Forks with little to no conversation on the near twenty-two hour drive. It's a good thing that vampires don't require sleep, because other than stopping for a human moment for me from time to time, we made the trek straight through. I slept while Edward drove, but in my waking hours I sat quietly and looked out the window at the passing landscapes and he didn't press for conversation.

I must have fallen asleep before our arrival, because when I woke, it was around one in the morning and I realized that I was in Edward's old room. Seeing everything still in its place from what seemed like a lifetime ago caused an odd sense of déjà vu.

It felt like I had slipped back in time to a simpler place; to a time before my heart had been ripped away and my life was left in destruction. I looked around the room and noticed that I was alone. I tried to stay silent, but I knew that wherever Edward was in the house, he would have already known that I had woken. Despite his inability to read my mind, my quickened heartbeat alone would have clued him in.

Although I was fully awake at that point, I wasn't ready for the conversation that I knew Edward and I were going to have. I contemplated how long I could really block him out or refuse to talk to him, but the obvious dilemma of his immortality made my chances of avoidance seem foolish. Nevertheless, I didn't want to open old wounds at one in the morning. So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and before I knew it I had fallen back into an easy slumber.

Even though I hated to admit it, I finally felt at home. The last thing I remember before drifting completely unconscious was a whispered "I love you" and the feel of cool breath across my face. I didn't trust that it was more than a dream or just wishful thinking, so I didn't open my eyes or respond with the exception of a contented hum.

EPOV

After arriving at the house and carrying Bella up to my room, I sat and watched her sleep for a good while. When she started to stir, I knew that she would only become angrier with me if she caught me staring at her while she slept, so I slipped out of the room and stood quietly in the hallway, listening for any indication that she was getting up. She didn't. I heard her sigh and listened patiently as the sound of her heart slowed to a steady rhythm; she was going back to sleep. I snuck in the room undetected, wanting so badly to place a chaste kiss against her cheek, but I knew the chill of my skin might rouse her, so I opted to forgo the kiss and settled for a softly whispered token of my affection. All too soon we were going to have to discuss our relationship, if you could even call it that anymore.

I had forced Bella to give up her life for me, twice. Whether inadvertently or on purpose, I had learned the hard way that the road to hell was certainly paved with good intentions, and I knew that I would need to do something drastic to try and make up for the many wrongs I've caused in order to keep her.

I kept myself busy, quietly of course. The morning sun had broken the horizon when I suddenly decided that I would make Bella breakfast. Something pleasant to help start what would surely be a stressful day for her.

It wasn't long after the smell of bacon, eggs, and toast permeated the air that I heard light footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

Bella came into the room and I'd be damned, if I weren't already, if her mere presence didn't seem to make the sun shine a little brighter.

"Sleep well?" I asked, trying to start the day off without fighting or causing her to pull further away from me.

"Yes, actually. I haven't slept that well in... well... it doesn't matter. What are you doing?" she asked, diverting the conversation.

"Making you breakfast of course," I replied, like it was common sense that a vampire would be cooking breakfast, with no intention of partaking of any of it. And then, it happened. She smiled. Not a huge welcoming smile, but a soft, almost unnoticeable smile. A smile that made my un-beating heart melt. _I made her fucking smile!_

I plated her a little of each of the items I'd prepared and watched, fascinated, as she ate, quickly devouring what I had served.

"Would you like more?" I asked, feeling guilty that I hadn't thought to feed her properly before then.

She must have realized that I was staring at how quickly she had eaten. I heard the sound of her pulse increase as the blood pooled in her cheeks, causing a shy, but welcomed blush. A soft smile played on her lips as she simply nodded her answer to me. I presented her with a second plate full of the food and sat down across the dining room table from her. After a minute or so of me watching her in silence, she put her fork down and looked questioningly at me.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just like watching you. You fascinate me," I answered. She scoffed, shaking her head and laughing to herself.

"You must be easily amused these days," she replied, lightheartedly. But a pang of guilt hit me square in the chest at her words. I had taken her for granted for so long, and now she couldn't understand how something as simple as watching her eat breakfast, or simply smiling at me, was enough to be the highlight of my day.

"I love you," I replied, not thinking first what repercussions that statement might bring.

"Edward..." she started, but didn't continue and then glanced awkwardly around the room.

Suddenly our easy conversation had transformed into a torturous silence.

_That's just lovely, you damn idiot, what did you expect her to say? But on the other hand, she doesn't seem angry..._

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I just can't say it back. It doesn't mean I don't... I just can't say it yet. We have a lot to talk about before we get into heavy stuff like that," she whispered apologetically.

"I understand, Bella, and I agree. I won't push, but I want to fix this and I can't do it alone. I need you. The only way for us to work this out is to talk to each other and hold nothing back. I want to know everything, and I want to tell you everything. But I need to know that you'll trust what I'm saying, because if you don't trust me, how can you ever believe in me again?"

"Trusting you and trusting myself are two totally different things, Edward. I don't really know what you want to hear. I don't think you're lying when you say you love me, but you've told me that before and then made me believe that you never felt it in the first place. I just need to know you're sincere, and I can't understand... if you are sincere, how you still don't want to change me," she answered. "I don't trust myself not to get in too deep again, and I don't want you for less than forever. I know you aren't ready to change me, for whatever your reasons are. So maybe for now we should just worry about getting comfortable around each other again. Maybe we should work on being friends and then see where it takes us."

As much as it pained me to admit she had a point. I needed to _know_ her again before I could expect anything to happen between us. So that's exactly what I intended to do. I had to get to know her…the new her.

"Would you like to take a walk with me?" I asked.

"Sure, I guess," she replied easily.

I took her hand, leaving the dishes and mess for later, and led her out the back door. We followed a trail into the forest behind the house. At first it was quiet, both of us hesitant to begin questioning each other over what had happened in our divided lives over the past three years. I finally decided to just start talking about myself and what had influenced my need to leave. I told her again how I'd loved her all along, but I couldn't bear the idea of her being hurt by another of my kind, or even myself in a moment of weakness. I told her of the hell I felt each and every day without her, and how I thought of her constantly. And finally, how I'd weakened over time and had come to the conclusion that I couldn't live without her anymore; that I had in fact near decided to try and find her myself, but that I never had the chance, because Alice meddled and caused us to run into each other.

Her reactions were as expected. Heavy sighs escaped her chest and a few tears were shed, but I never wavered. She needed to know it all, so I told her everything, and then awaited the story of what had happened in her life while I was away.

Leaves crunching and sticks cracking under our feet echoed in the silence as she walked silently alongside me. She couldn't understand how completely frustrating it was for me to wonder what going through that beautiful head of hers. I didn't press, but my curiosity of her thoughts was driving me crazy. _Did she believe me? Would my honesty change things for us? Or more scarily would it not?_

I unnecessarily cleared my throat and pushed my hands deep into my pockets. She must have taken that as her cue to speak, her voice not much above a whisper.

"I died that day," she said, shrugging her shoulders and averting her eyes from me, her face void of expression. "Well... some of me died that day, the rest of me wasn't so lucky." It was my turn to avert my gaze when her troubled eyes made contact with mine.

"I thought you didn't want me. I thought I wasn't good enough for you and that you had gotten bored. I thought that you didn't love me... that you never had. You never came back to tell me any different, so what would you have had me believe? You promised it would be like you never existed, and you removed your entire family from my life, but you couldn't take away my memories. I knew exactly what I had lost, but not knowing why... what I had done to deserve being abandoned by my love, by what I considered family, that was the clincher."

She stopped walking and before I knew it she was throwing her hands up in the air, her voice rising in frustration. "There is more going on here than just you and I. I can't pretend that all of this hasn't happened. I can't pretend that I'm safe now, and that my friends aren't going to be hurt. They are dying around me, Edward! People I love, or at least was friends with are gone, and I will never see them again. Rob may have been an ass, but before... before he was just a normal guy. A guy who liked me and was just really frustrated that I wouldn't give him a chance. Hell, I couldn't give anyone a chance because I was still in love with someone who I believed would never come back! You think it isn't going to weigh heavy on my conscience every day that he's dead because of me? That he's dead because he wanted to take me out on dates and walk me to my door, maybe even kiss me goodnight?"

I visibly cringed as my fists balled. I couldn't feel the remorse that she felt. He was going to take her from me, he would have killed her, and I was not going to feel bad about having saved her from him. Maybe he was just a "normal guy" before, but I couldn't see past the demon that he had become, and I wasn't about to let him steal her from me. I realized that I had zoned out and forced myself to refocus as she continued to speak.

"And what about Ana? You know... I kind of understand where you're coming from now, about the whole "I won't damn your soul" thing. You believe you don't have a soul, and that changing me will somehow damn mine. Edward, Ana is going to live forever because of me; she's never going to grow old... because of ME! If you truly believe that you're damned, then that makes me responsible for her soul being damned. If I'm responsible, Edward, then I'm damned already and there's no soul left in me to save, so I don't know what you're waiting for."

"No!" I burst forward and grabbed her by her shoulders. "Look at me! You are not responsible for any of this! Victoria is responsible for this! You are not damned!" I demanded.

She smiled and a bout of giggles burst forward from her. I couldn't figure out just what the hell she thought was so funny, but she quickly stifled her laughter and answered my unasked question.

"Well, I guess I'll see... because one day I will die. Who knows...maybe it'll be an accident, or illness, or simply old age. But you'll never be put in a spot to have to make the choice again. It's ironic really... that you'll save me from being _killed_, but you refuse to save me from _death."_

A moment of silence passed between us as I thought about what she was saying. I couldn't imagine having to walk this earth without her someday and I knew that I wouldn't for long. I vowed that I would follow her into death shortly thereafter.

"I don't want to be out here anymore," she stated, her body quaking with a quick shiver, causing her sweater to fall off her shoulder and down her arm, exposing a portion her tattoo.

She hesitated for a moment, adjusting her sweater properly shut, and then slowly started to walk back toward the house.

"Bella," I called to her.

"Yeah?" she paused in step, not looking back at me.

"Why did you get the tattoo?" I asked randomly, trying to reach out for something in hopes that she wouldn't be blocking me out again. We seemed to have covered a little ground and I didn't want her to revert back to ignoring me completely.

"I wanted something that would last forever," she said and started walking again.

I retreated with her along the trail back to the house. Just as we reached the clearing, and she made her way in the door, my cell phone rang, so I stepped back and lingered on the porch. I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked the caller ID. It was Alice.

"Alice," I answered.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about Ana," she stated as I glanced through the front window and watched Bella head up the stairs to my room.

"I'm listening," I replied and awaited the news she called to deliver.


	14. Chapter 14 Awakenings

ANA POV

The only sound after Bella had left was the erratic tha-thump of my heart pounding in my ears.

Tha-thump…

Tha-thump…

_"Dont hate me for this," _she had said._ "I want to be what you are becoming, but they don't want me."_

Tha-thump…

Tha-thump...

_She sounded so lost. What exactly _was_ I becoming? What did that even mean?_

My heart beat wildly in my chest, though the rest of me was immobile.

Tha-thump…

Tha-thump…

Tha-thump….

Fire raged through my veins and it felt as if I were burning from within. Pain reached from deep within my chest and extended to every nerve ending in my body. From time to time I could slightly detect a twitch in one of my limbs, but nothing I could control. I briefly wondered how long I could go on like this before my skin would melt from my bones. Why hadn't I died yet? What was keeping me in this torture? Shouldn't I have bled out by now?

I tried to move, to force my eyes to open, but was met with a complete inability to function. I feared that I was in purgatory. There's no way I could have survived, and this was my punishment for all the wrongs I'd done in my life.

Tha-thump, thump, thump…

Tha-thump, thump, thump…

Tha-thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…

As the beating increased to maximum proportions I felt my breath quickening at its own accord. I figured I must be approaching an end to whatever it was that was happening to me. I heard voices all around but couldn't focus on anything. It was like being in a crowded room full of echoing mumbles and slurs, nothing making any sense, until a mans voice rang thru the darkness and pulled my attention from the suffering my body could no longer take.

"It's almost over, Ana, hold on... you'll be fine soon," he said tenderly. I knew that voice, but I couldn't place it, although he'd been talking to me for days now. I found my thoughts analyzing every sound reverberating through the room, searching for recognition.

Things were not fine... Rob had bitten me... _bitten me?_ I felt like I was dying. Honestly, I could understand why I hadn't already. _Am I in the hospital?_

_M_y best friend had left me, and I didn't understand why I was being forced to suffer. Couldn't they give me something for the pain? I seriously doubted that I would be _fine_, but something about the longing in that gentle voice soothed the tension and I found myself relaxing as heavy warmth encompassed me.

Suddenly more of Bella's words occurred to me. "Everything is changing... I'm not going to be able to see you for a while... the Cullen's are prepared to help you... Don't be too hard on Jake, he's gonna be great for you."

"I love you, Ana," the man's voice spoke again. And then suddenly the chaos began to dissipate. I felt a hot tingling sensation in my face and ears that I would liken to warm water running over my skin, but this was inside me somehow, creeping under the surface and into every cavity. The mumbling and slurs turned clear and I could finally understand what the other voices were saying. I was surprised to find that I could equally focus on several sounds at once.

"Alice, what's happening?" he asked, sounding panicked.

"It's almost done, in a few more minutes she'll be awake," she responded.

"She's confused," a smooth, southern voice replied. "But she's very calm, it's quite bizarre actually."

Recognition of the voice suddenly dawned on me. _Jake?_ Why was he telling me he loved me though? He'd been the one staying with me all this time… whispering love and encouragement? I don't know who I thought it had been. I don't even think I'd focused enough to care; I just figured I was… hallucinating maybe? If it's even possible to hallucinate while you're semi-unconscious… or whatever state I was in. But now it was in my face, and it was real. Everything I'd heard… _he_ said. How could this be? We'd only been friends for a few years, and only because of Bella. What the hell was happening?

_Bella where are you? Why did you have to leave?_

_"Hopefully, I'll see you soon..."_ her words echoed in my mind. The sadness in her voice had eclipsed the carefree personality of the girl I once knew. How could she want what was happening to me? How could she know what _this_ was? Did she know that Rob would attack? Did she know that this would be the outcome of her searching for him, and if so, why would she want to? What did any of this have to do with that bitch, Victoria?

There were so many questions I needed answered, if I could just get my damn limbs to cooperate with my mind, so I could go find her.

"She's frustrated; she feels trapped," the southern voice spoke out.

"Don't fight it, Ana. It's almost over, honey," Jacob's voiced proclaimed. "We'll explain everything very soon."

"It's time!" Alice exclaimed.

All at once I felt a searing pain shoot straight through my chest. My body sprung up to a sitting position and a scream belted from my chest with a force I didn't think I'd have the strength to project. I could feel my body again, I was finally able to move, but I had suddenly lost the urge to even try. I just sat there for a few minutes listening to the sound of my own breathing. And then I realized that I was no longer burning. The pain was gone and I no longer heard the drumming of my heart beating in my ears.

I slowly opened my eyes and took a curious look around the room. Jacob was standing directly beside the bed that I was perched on, wide eyed and staring at me expectantly. The entire Cullen family stood randomly placed around the room as well. Everyone was there... except Edward and Bella.

"Where's Bella?" I asked, noticing that my throat felt scorched and raw. Instinctively I placed my hand on my neck and gathered that somehow the wound Rob had inflicted had miraculously healed.

_Impossible._

"She's with Edward," Jake replied, pulling me from the bewilderment in which I suddenly seemed lost. Everything was so vibrant and focused. It was mesmerizing to see the world in such perfect clarity. Hell, even the sound of a fly buzzing around the room became a menacing distraction. I followed the sound, searching out the annoyance, and realized that everyone was watching me like a hawk, and I briefly wondered what they were expecting that I might do.

I honed in on the buzzing and noticed that the fly had landed on Jasper's head. I couldn't stand the incessant sound any longer, so I grabbed a pillow from the bed and quickly swung it forward, smacking the buzzing little fucker.

In an instant two things happened. The pillow which I had been holding exploded into a burst of feathers flying around, and I heard a cracking sound from across the room. I looked through the cloud of feathers floating around to find Jasper pulling himself loose from the busted sheetrock of the wall that once stood flawlessly behind him.

Emmett busted out in a hearty laugh, proclaiming, "Damn, this is gonna be fun!" At which point Rosalie glared at him, and then slapped an open hand to the back of his head.

"Damn, Rosie, you gotta stop doing that shit. You're making me look like an ass!" he exclaimed.

"You're doing a fine job of that all on your own," she admonished.

My mind was still reeling from what I had apparently just done. _How the fuck did I just do that?_

Everyone then began laughing, and I realized that I had said my thought aloud.

"_Why_ did you just do that?" Jasper asked, smiling, while dusting drywall dust from his shoulders and shaking it loose from his hair. "I know you felt annoyed, but that's no reason to go smacking people," he finished with a smirk.

"Um... there was a... fly... on your head. I couldn't take the buzzing anymore," I replied shrugging my shoulders. "I didn't know that would happen. What just happened, that's not possible?" I questioned, but it came out as more of a statement.

Esme stepped forward still smiling. "Don't worry, dear, it's happened to all of us in one aspect or another. You just don't know your own strength. Now that you're awake and this is all over, we should explain some things to you." She took my hand and guided me toward the door of the room we were in.

"Emmett, clean this mess up," she chided.

"What? But I didn't..." he began to protest.

"Don't start! Just get it cleaned up now and get that wall repaired," she stated.

Emmett closed his mouth and nodded his assent, but undeniably pouted about having to do it.

"Now then, where were we?" she asked, looking back at me.

Carlisle stepped forward, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, but kept his eyes trained on me. "Why don't we go to my study and talk? Esme, darling, would you please get Ana something to drink?" She smiled lovingly at him, but there seemed to also be some unspoken conversation going on in the brief glance that passed between them.

I followed Carlisle to his office and made myself comfortable in a large leather chair that faced his beautiful mahogany desk while he rounded behind it and sat down to face me. Without invitation, Jake filed into the room along with us and stood quietly next to the chair in which I sat. I thought it a bit odd for him to tag along, but didn't question it, figuring that Bella had asked him to watch over me or something.

Carlisle leaned forward and propped his elbows on his desk, resting his chin lightly on his tented hands, before finally beginning the conversation.

"Let me start by saying that we know this is all very confusing for you, and I'm sure you have a lot of questions. I will be happy to answer any questions that you have, but I ask that you give me a few minutes first to get some of the obvious details out of the way. I'm going to make one request of you, and that is that you keep an open mind. Some of what I'm going to tell you will be seemingly unbelievable. I promise to tell you the truth, and even as astounding it may be, I'm sure it will all come together for you very soon."

Carlisle paused, I assumed awaiting a response from me, so I just nodded and replied, "Okay."

"Very well then. Ok, first off, I'm sure you're wondering why your friend attacked you, and why you awoke here at our home. The answer is that your friend was attacked himself by a woman named Victoria. It was nothing that he had done in particular to have deserved the attack. In truth, he was attacked because Victoria is seeking to destroy my son through trying to kill Bella. Victoria is evil, and would stop at nothing to get revenge on Edward for killing her mate a few years ago. She knows how strongly Edward feels toward Bella, and saw an opportunity to use Rob's affection toward Bella against her. She knew that it would cause Edward pain to lose her, not only to another man's affection, but also to have him subsequently kill her as well."

"Wait a minute!" I ordered. "Are you telling me that Edward has killed someone? And he's out there with my friend as we speak?" I was furious at the idea. _It's always the quiet ones that you have to worry about._

"Please let me finish," he begged, putting his hands up in surrender. "And I assure you that Edward would never harm Bella. If anything were to happen to her, it would destroy him."

I took little solace in his assurance, but considering I had no idea where Bella was, and he did, I continued to listen. When he seemed satisfied that I had calmed down, Carlisle continued.

"You were attacked by Rob simply because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Bella was always Victoria's intended target. No one expected you to be there. Bella told me that she had thought you stayed at the shop to intercept Edward for her. She never thought you'd left."

I couldn't take anymore beating around the bush. I wanted him to be straight with me.

"Carlisle, I know you asked me to give you a few minutes, but can we cut the bullshit and you just tell me what it is that we're working up to here? I'm a big girl, I can take it. I don't expect an easy answer. I mean for God sakes, my friend ripped my throat out and left me to drown in my own blood. I want to know why I'm not dead, and why Bella had to leave." I stated, but it came out as more of a demand.

Carlisle sat stunned for a moment before responding. "You are dead. When your friend bit you it began a change in you. You've been "unconscious", for lack of a better word, while your body transitioned. It's the same change that Rob went through after Victoria bit him," he answered matter-of-factly.

"A change? Transition? Transition into what exactly?" I demanded.

"You are now immortal," he replied non-chalantly.

_Immortal? Like the undead? I'm a fucking zombie? _This had to be a sick joke, but the pain had been so real, and all the blood. Just the thought of blood made my throat ache and burn.

"Immortal?" I questioned skeptically.

"Yes, Ana, you are a vampire, as are we. Well, except for Jacob here," he stated coolly, awaiting a reaction from me.

I began to laugh uncontrollably. "Har-har... the fucking joke's on me, right? Now what the fuck really happened? Where the hell is Bella? I'm so gonna get her for this," I asked, awaiting his honest response. The smile faded from my face as I reached back up to my put my hand around the flesh of my neck, my throat firing up furiously again. Suddenly my mind flashed back to Jake's voice. _I'm not sure how it works… now that you'll be like them… the Cullens. How is it possible for me to be so madly in love with a vampire, when you're supposed to be my natural enemy?_

Carlisle's eyes trailed my arm following my hand to my throat. "The burning never stops," he stated. "But you'll learn to control it. Which brings us to your thirst..." he continued, but I stood defiantly facing down at him.

"Right! And next you're going to tell me that I'll want to drink blood," I spat rhetorically.

"Of course," he replied with a slight nod.

While my mind conjured up visions of even attempting to buy this line of shit, there was a light knock at the door. Esme came into view, clutching an oversized coffee mug. She walked up next to Carlisle and sat the mug down on the desk in front of me.

"What the fuck is that hideous smell?" I exclaimed. It was revolting, and made want to crack a window and gasp for fresh air.

Carlisle and Esme stared at each other in apparent disbelief, when suddenly I felt like I had been engulfed in an inferno and noticed that Jake had snaked his arms around me, exclaiming, "That's my girl!"

I pulled loose from his grasp and turned to face him. "You're not a _vampire_, so then what's your deal? How are you involved in all this, and why are you being so _weird_ around me?" I didn't give him a chance to respond before I finished with one last question. "I've known you for... like... ever now, and suddenly I'm 'your girl'? What the fuck is going on around here?"

Jake apparently lost all train of thought, simply responding, "Uhhhhh."

_Something very strange is going on. Well no shit, Ana... you're dead, but not dead, and they want you to drink some hideous shit... something strange maybe... no fucking shit! You don't say?_

Just when I was about to press Jacob a bit further and find out what exactly it was that he was hiding, because he was definitely hiding something, Carlisle spoke up and interrupted my muddled thoughts.

"You're telling me that... _that,_" he said, pointing at the mug in front of me, "really doesn't appeal to you at all?" He seemed completely stupefied that I wouldn't want it, and I couldn't understand what in the world would make him think that I would. Just as I began to answer there was a sudden thud at the door, followed by voices arguing in the hallway.

_Damnit, Emmett, stop pushing! - Boys knock it off - He pushed me first - you guys have fucking enhanced hearing, we didn't even need to come up here - that's not the point..._

Carlisle interrupted their bantering. "You all may as well come on in." His raised voice echoed through the room. Slowly the door creaked open and Emmett poked his head in, dimples glowing and a shitting eating grin plastering his face. Jasper, Rose, and Alice all filed in and settled openly around the room.

They were all eyeing the mug sitting in front of me like it was the most treasured thing they'd ever seen. Emmett finally spoke up, never taking his eyes off the mug.

"You're not going to let that go to waste are you?" he asked in disbelief that it was still sitting there untouched.

"Emmett, enough," Jasper stated, seriously.

"What? I was just asking," Emmett replied in defense.

I glanced around very briefly as seven pairs of eyes awaited my response.

"What do you suppose I do with it exactly? I'm certainly not drinking that; it smells like ass!" I exclaimed.

You could have heard a pin drop as everyone stared at me like they were waiting for my head to spin around or something. Suddenly feeling much more uncomfortable, and very on-the-spot, I cleared my throat to break the silence.

Esme's soft voice floated gently into the air, filling the silence, and taking the attention from me. "It helps with the burning," she stated.

I had a feeling I already knew, but figured I'd ask anyway. "What _is_ it, exactly?" I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer I knew was coming.

"It's blood of course, dear. But don't worry no one was harmed. It came from the hospital supply," Esme assured.

I had picked up the mug to look inside just as her answer reached my ears. I immediately put the mug back on the desk, disgusted to have even considered it.

"That's _human_ blood?" I asked, nearly shouting. "I'm not fucking drinking _that, _burn or no burn! And... why is everyone looking at me like that? You have all lost your fucking minds if you think it's normal for me to want... _that_!" I exclaimed.

_Damn! And I always thought I was the weird one... these people are off their fucking rockers._

Carlisle sat shaking his head with a childish grin painted on his face. You would've thought he'd just won the fucking lotto or something.

"Astounding! Leave it to Bella to make friends with the only person in the world that could be changed and not want human blood upon waking," he stated and laughed softly. "Ana, you're going to need to feed, and if you won't drink that," He pointed at the mug again, "then we'll have to take you to hunt. You're not opposed to "hunting" are you?" he asked, as a sarcastic smirk softly bowed his lips.

When I didn't refuse, or answer at all for that matter, he continued.

"This will actually work very well for you, as our lifestyle is different from most of our kind. We also only drink from animals. Although we haven't all been blessed with your distaste for human blood, we've learned to control our need and not give in to the thirst for humans. We like to think of ourselves as vegetarians."

It was my turn to laugh. _Since when did drinking animal blood make you a vegetarian?_ It was rather humorous, but on the more serious note, I knew that I would not be partaking of the stench that sat in front of me, so I nodded my head in agreement to "hunt" with them.

Emmett bounded forward and clapped his hands loudly, proclaiming, "I like bears!" Then proceeded to rub his belly for emphasis. I couldn't stop the smile from etching across my face as I thought of how randomly he responded to things.

I was going to do this, but I had one last question that needed to be asked. It had been eating away at me, and I had to have the answer. "If I do this, can I see Bella? Why am I not allowed to see her anyway?"

Carlisle thought silently for a moment before he answered me. "Normally the draw for human blood is so strong that as a newborn, you wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. The fact that you've refused the blood that was offered to you is a conundrum to us. Bella left so that it wouldn't tempt you, but your uncanny calm is an anomaly to us and makes me wonder," he replied.

Jasper stepped in front of Carlisle's desk and leaned forward on his hands. "You're not seriously considering what I think you are, right?" he asked.

Cryptically, at least to me, Carlisle answered him. "Knowing what you know... how things have affected you in particular, Jasper. You must also be curious yourself, no?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow and silently considered Carlisle's challenge. He glanced at me quickly, seeming to size me up for something. "We'll need to keep the situation contained... to make sure she's... safe," he replied.

"Of course," Carlisle stated, nodding. He and Jasper both shared a knowing smirk. Emmett, with his loud demeanor belted out ,"Oh hell yeah, we'z gonna go see Bella boo! That's what I'm talkin' about!"

Esme placed a hand on Carlisle's shoulder, smiling down at him. Alice bounced in her seat, grinning and clapping her hands, while Rose just rolled her eyes... as usual.

Jake hadn't spoken since I'd apparently struck him silent earlier, but he suddenly seemed very nervous. He still stood next to me, but spoke to Carlisle and Jasper. "You guys better be sure about this. You know the treaty; you know that it won't be tolerated if something happens." He was shaking and his voice was thick and cracking as he spoke. "I can't help what's happened here, and I know it wasn't any fault of yours either, but I will not stand by and watch _her_ get hurt anymore. I just want you to understand before we even go there," he stated. I had no clue what he was talking about, but apparently everyone else did as they all paid rapt attention to his warning.

"I'm sure you'll find that everything will work out fine, Jake. You will not be forced to choose between them and the treaty will not be broken. I am very confident that we will all be pleasantly surprised. We don't wish anything to go wrong either, but you must understand that Bella will eventually make her own decisions about her _future_. You can't protect her from herself, Jake. At some point it will come between you being the lover you are meant to be and the protector that you have declared yourself to be. You're going to have to face that, as it appears that the choice has already been made in regards to how your loyalties rank," Carlisle replied and then glanced from Jake to me, with an understanding smile.

Looking up over my shoulder, my sight caught with Jacob's. He smiled softly at me, but I saw sadness hiding in the depth of his eyes. After all I had been through, it was clear that things were changing for him too. And even with my frustration at his sudden attachment to me, my heart was burdened for him. I cared that he was hurting. Not that I wouldn't be compassionate at someone's pain other than my own, but it struck me odd at how much it bothered me to see him that way. Bella's words rang in my ears. _Don't be too hard on Jake, he's gonna be great for you._ In an instant it was like a veil had been lifted and I suddenly saw Jacob as more than just Bella's friend. I believed that he just might be pretty important to me too. Carlisle's voice broke through my epiphany, bringing my attention back to him.

"Alice, call your brother and tell him that we're coming home," Carlisle stated. "Now, Ana, I think it's about time we go for that hunt."

Although I didn't understand everything that had transpired since I woke, I knew that life as I had known it was never going to be the same. I still had many questions, and so much to learn, but I figured that most of it would come to me with time. From what I've been told, I'm going to have plenty of that.

The best news that I had gotten thus far was the promise that I would be seeing Bella again very soon. It was time to keep up my end of the bargain. "So what are we hunting for exactly?" I asked. Jacob's eyes lit with surprise as I laced my fingers with his and proceeded to follow Carlisle from his office in search of my first "vegetarian" meal.


	15. Chapter 15 Straws, Camels & Broken Backs

Chapter 15 – Straws, Camels, and Broken Backs

EPOV

Alice had called to inform me that they were coming home to Forks. As it would turn out, Ana was gifted with a natural repulsion to human blood. Carlisle was comfortable with the idea that Ana and Bella could co-exist under the same roof without incident and Alice agreed that Ana would not be a threat to Bella. I had learned many times in my life that Alice was most accurate when the stakes were high, and with the way things were, the stakes couldn't have been much higher.

I decided to give Bella some privacy for the remainder of the day. The talk I'd initiated during our stroll seemed to have back fired and caused her to think about the agony of her loss, instead of helping to clear the air between us. I was afraid to press the issue for fear she would retreat further into her own mind. I needed to make ground with her, not force her to pull away. So even though I ached for her company, I opted to stay downstairs and play the piano.

With as little noise as she made, I couldn't be sure what Bella had been doing in my room all day. I was afraid to disrupt her, but it was beginning to get dark out and I realized that she hadn't eaten since breakfast. Deciding that I would establish that as reasoning I made my way up the stairs to peek in and check on her and maybe ask if she was hungry.

I rapped gently at my bedroom door but there was no answer and no sound coming from within the room. Unsure why I hadn't noticed before, I suddenly paid mind to the sound of water running from the hall bathroom. The door was open a few inches and I could easily see the steam from the shower clouding the room. I slowly moved closer to the door, finding myself only slightly ashamed of my curiosity as to what Bella would look like soaked and fully blushed under the warm spray. Before I could be convinced otherwise I found myself peering through the open space and into the mirror. Even with excellent sight, I couldn't get a clear visual. The heat from the shower had fogged most of the glass shower door, but I could make out the soft curves of her body in moist shadows. She was stunning. The mirror suddenly appeared to me like a great masterpiece of watercolor. Soft lines and blurred images streaked across the glass canvas, marred of clarity yet flawless all the same. I had never felt like more of a fool than I did in that moment. She had been mine once. Not long ago her heart belonged to me… and I had thrown it all away in vain.

The water cut off suddenly and in an instant I became aware of my lingering at the door. I couldn't be caught ogling her like some crazed peeping Tom, so I quickly raced back to my room. I opened the door quietly and sat down at my desk to wait for her.

I smelled her sweet scent from across the way and could hear the drumming rhythm of her heart as she approached the open door.

I glanced up as she entered the room. Her hair was still damp, leaving a wet spot down the back of the white t-shirt that she must have confiscated from my closet.

"Hi," I proceeded cautiously.

"Hey," she replied. "Um, I borrowed a shirt… I hope you don't mind," she finished, looking down and refusing to make eye contact with me.

"Of course, that's fine," I answered, still pleading with my own eyes for her to acknowledge me.

"I thought I'd see if you were hungry. I haven't seen you come down stairs since this morning. I figured you must be starving," I offered. For a fraction of a second her eyes met mine, but again became quickly distracted as she fidgeted with her finger nails.

"I'm okay. I was actually about to hit the sack a little early. I'm feeling out of sorts I guess and I just want to rest," she answered.

"Well tomorrow is a new day. Maybe things will be better," I stated. I knew she'd be thrilled to see Ana, so I didn't say anything about their pending arrival. I thought it would be much better left a surprise.

I stood to make way toward the door, pausing briefly at Bella's side. "Sweet dreams," I whispered and placed a soft kiss to her cheek. It was a selfish gesture on my part, because I craved even the slightest contact, but when she didn't as much as flinch I took that as a good sign.

"Night," she whispered back before closing the door.

BPOV

I closed the door and walked deeper into the room, pulling the neck of Edward's shirt that I wore up to my face and took in a deep breath. _God he smells so fucking good!_

It was a good thing that he couldn't read my thoughts, because my mind was in constant battle with my heart. I was paralyzed with indecision. My heart screamed and pleaded with me to put the past in the past and just love him. To take whatever piece of him I could. While my mind constantly taunted me with memories of the anguish I'd come through, and how damaged I remained. The thought of ever having to face that agony again was debilitating.

I loved him. That was something that couldn't be questioned, but I needed to know that what _we_ had before was real. I needed to know if he really was lying the day he left me. But there was no one to corroborate his story with other than his family, and they too had left… so would any of their words be proof enough? Although I pleaded with myself to believe that they would, the truth was that I would never truly know. So once again I was faced with the same decision. Love him and give him the chance he asked for… the chance to prove his love for me, or else walk away and take my chances with whatever fate dealt for me without him.

All the heavy thoughts were giving me a headache that even Edward's heavenly scent couldn't overpower, so I decided to lie down and try to put my mind at rest.

I must have drifted off quickly, because the next thing I knew morning had come and voices floated up the stairs, rousing me awake. I threw back my blanket and listened.

_No one knows we're here, except the Cullens… who could be here?_

I opened the bedroom door for a better listen, trying to recognize any one of the voices, when suddenly I heard her.

"Oh, she's awake! Sweet!" she exclaimed.

_Ana is here? But… wh-… how?_

I stumbled, still not fully awake, out the doorway and down the stairs until the lot of them stood congregated before me. There she was… awake and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

_You knew she would be._

In an instant she flew to my side and wrapped me in a hug.

"Oh I'm so glad you're okay! I've been worried sick about you, and they wouldn't let me see you until I refused to… well…" she paused, taking in the sight of me, "Bella, you look like shit! What's going on with you?" she asked in true, sugar-free Ana fashion.

I smiled and hoped it was convincing, while pulling her back close for another hug. "Nothing right now. Right now I'm okay," I lied. I was so happy to see her, but it caused that hole in my heart to rip just a bit to see her as I should have been. After a moment I pulled back and gazed into the crimson pools where the darkest brown had once resided.

"Not that I'm not thrilled to see you… but what are you doing here? How the hell can you even be near me right now and not want to kill me?" I asked, completely confused.

Her signature wicked grin painted across her ruby lips before she answered. "Well… I'm supposed to be all ready to massacre everyone I come across, but I just can't. They tried to get me to drink some 'hospital supply' blood," she did finger quotes for emphasis, "but it fucking reeked. Apparently I'm a freak of nature or some shit. The Doc doesn't get it either," she answered, shrugging.

"But I can do some other cool shit. Wanna see?" she asked exuberantly, her striking personality still completely intact.

"Let me guess… you're incredibly fast and strong, yes?" I countered, pointing out the traits I knew she would have surely inherited.

"Yeah, so you know all about this shit then I guess."

"Something like that," I replied, nodding solemnly.

My bubble had burst and it suddenly dawned on me that we weren't the only ones in the room. Of course I had known it, but hadn't paid attention in my shock of seeing her here.

I looked quickly around the room at everyone and my eyes landed where I knew they would; Edward. He stepped forward and grinned softly. "Are you surprised?" he asked.

"You knew they were coming? But… Why didn't you tell me?" I questioned flatly.

"I thought you'd find it a pleasant surprise to see Ana up and about," he answered cautiously as his grin faltered. "I wasn't trying to keep it from you."

"I am happy to see her. I just didn't expect it so soon is all," I replied, letting him off the proverbial hook.

"Well I'm here… so what's first on our agenda?" Ana asked as she clapped her hands together and looked around the room at everyone.

Just then Jacob came through the front door, both arms full of luggage. He looked to Ana and then to me with the appearance of silently questioning our interaction.

"They're fine, Jake. Alice knew they would be," Edward answered, most likely in response to Jake's unspoken questions.

Ana leaned in and whispered very quietly in my ear, "You were right, Jake is pretty great." She pulled back with the biggest smile and winked at me before turning around to face him.

"Thank you so much," she said to Jake, resting her palm against his shoulder, and then looked to Carlise and Esme. "So where shall I put my things?"

Before I could even control my mouth, I had blurted involuntarily out, "How do you have things? I mean we got a few things together when you were… _out_… but… what's all that?" I cast an arm in Jake's direction.

"Oh!" she replied, "Alice took me shopping. That girl is a blast! I see why you liked her so much."

My mind was whirling. She was a newborn and had been out shopping? "When did you have time to go shopping?" I asked, looking between Alice and Ana in frustration.

"On our way here of course," Ana replied, like there was nothing unusual going on at all. Alice had the decency to look a tad bit ashamed and darted her gaze away quickly.

_Since when was Alice ever afraid to look me in the eye? _

"So where to?" Ana asked again.

"You can take the room next to Alice's I suppose," Esme answered. "Jake, would you be a dear and take those up for her?"

"Certainly," Jake replied, nodding at Esme. Still holding her bags in his muscular grip, he stepped past Ana, and almost next to me, before turning back and telling her, "I'll be back in a minute, babe." He then leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the cheek.

I knew that Jake had imprinted on her. I guess I just didn't think that she would warm up to it as quickly as she apparently had. So although I had expected to see something blossom between them eventually, it was a little awkward for me to bear witness to that exchange so soon.

Jake turned back in my direction, arms full as he looked me straight in the face. "Hi, Bells," he greeted with a sympathetic smile.

"Hi," I replied, barely acknowledging him. I was too lost in thought to regard him further.

_Ana's here, she doesn't suffer the retributions from being a newborn, she and Jake are a couple, and Alice took her shopping…. Oh, and now she has a room… her own room… in the Cullen's home._

It's an understatement to say that I was a little put off that I had spent so much time with this family and had never once been offered a room in their home. _Yes, but you're not one of them, Bella. Ana is now, it's different._

I blinked away the thought and focused on the fact that I would be getting to spend time with Ana a lot sooner than expected… given she still wanted to spend time with me now that Jake was in the picture.

I stepped down from the stairs to make room for him to go past as Alice lead him up the stairs to show him where Ana's room was.

"Okay, so now that that is settled… what are we gonna do first?" Ana asked.

*~….~*

The first few days were a little strange getting used to. The house was full of life again, no longer the cold and empty shell that Edward and I had arrived to. Now that everyone was here, an odd sense of déjà vu lingered in the air. Everything was in its place… everything had a place… except me. I felt like a ghost in the house.

Remembering how life was back when I lived here before seemed like a dream in comparison to the life I had here now; a life that had never really been mine. Now I had been reduced to a whisper of smoke from a dying ember, living proof of the damage heartbreak does.

Ana knew me better than anyone else in the house, but even she couldn't have known how envious I was of her direct acceptance by the Cullens.

It was easy to see that she had molded in well with them, although that wasn't a surprise really. Ana always got along well with everyone, even before the Cullens. That's just the type of person she was…or is.

Jake stayed around the house with Ana quite a bit and had also seemed to blend in, but not neglecting his roots. He also spent time at the Reservation with the pack and Billy. Regularly he would invite me to tag along, citing that they'd love to see me. A few times I went, even at the expense of Edward's grumbling and disapproval. He repeatedly told me that he didn't feel that I was as safe with them as I would be under his care, but I knew that no harm would come to me under Jake's equally watchful eye. Besides, it was nice to see familiar faces that hadn't hurt me or left me behind. Yet still it was equally as painful to acknowledge my reasons for being seemingly more comfortable with them, than where my heart truly longed to be.

Over the next few weeks, Ana seemed to make her mark on everyone in the house. She'd spent time playing Chess with Jasper, talking fashion for hours on end with Alice, or taking walks with Esme.

Of course Emmett got her into video games, which she regularly beat him at, and she and Carlisle would talk about her transition and theorize why she turned out the way she had. Or in her words they would discuss why she was a "freak of nature." Conversations typically lead back to her tattoos, and Carlisle wondering if something in the ink co-mingled with the venom, causing a genetic difference. With no way to prove that, it remained a mystery.

Hell… even Rosalie's ice cold heart began to melt as soon as she realized that Ana wouldn't be a threat to her and Emmett's relationship. Ana had gone so far as to smack Emmett on Rose's behalf on more than one occasion. Her apparent loyalty to feminine kind earned her some respect in Rose's book.

Edward was the only one that appeared as reluctant as me to join in the activities. I saw Ana speak to him a few times, but nothing of any great importance. She would sometimes ask him questions about music, or just offer a simple "Hey, how ya doin'?" I couldn't help but notice that he hadn't even put forward much effort to speak to me since their return. Unsure if he had decided to give me space, hoping it would help things, or if he had enough of my gloomy outlook and had just given up on me, I chose to leave him alone. Either way I left the ball in his court.

After a few weeks of lingering lazily around the house, everyone was at their wits end with boredom. It was late in the evening on a Friday when the whole clan decided on a hunting trip. Of course, ever needing to be babysat, one of them had to stay with me. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

As everyone except Carlisle left, I didn't waste any time retreating up to Edward's room for some quality time with my iPod. I kicked back in a chair and propped my feet upon his antique desk, scattered with journals and music compositions. After listening to songs from several genres, I settled solemnly in to the tune of 'Last Kiss' by Taylor Swift. I felt my eyes getting misty at the truth in her words, but composed myself quickly when I heard a knock at the door.

Dropping my feet from the desk, I swiveled the chair around facing the offending sound. "Come in," I offered. The door slowly budged open and Carlisle's eyes met mine as he nodded. I pulled the ear buds from my ears in order to hear him clearly. "Bella, I wondered if I might talk to you for a bit?" he asked.

"Um… sure…okay, what about?" I responded, suddenly feeling very self conscious.

"I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. You've been very quiet since we arrived and I know that since the dynamic has changed a bit, there must be some things that are weighing heavy on your mind. I thought I'd give you a chance to talk about anything that you're concerned about," he answered in a very parental way.

"Actually there is something. I want to know… now that Ana has proven herself as… incredibly controlled… when can I be changed? When will I be one of you? Or do you all not want me to be part of the family?" It's all that had been on my mind since they told me no previously.

Carlisle sighed and lowered himself to sit on the edge of Edward's bed. "I should have seen this one coming. Listen, Bella, we already consider you part of the family, but to answer your question… I'm not certain. You and Edward have a lot going on between the two of you right now, and although it is certain that you are his mate, and he yours, it might not be the best timing. I just think that you two should work out some of your differences first, because there's no going back once it is done."

I shuttered, visibly shuttered at his response.

"So you're telling me that the decision will be left up to Edward to change me?" _You can't be fucking serious!_

"I'm afraid so. We all love you, and we all see you as a daughter or sister, but essentially you will be with Edward, so things need to be in the right place between you two. There is no need for rash decisions, and it is best that this particular decision is given the upmost thought on both your parts."

I paused to rationalize my thoughts before responding.

"Carlisle, don't you see that the reason that we're in this _place_ is because of the decisions he's made! How can you leave it up to him to determine a fate that I'm begging for? Does my own opinion about what I wish to become even matter?"

"Of course it does! But think about it, Bella. If it weren't for Edward… would you even still want this fate? If he never existed would you still be making the same choices for your life?"

I felt sick at the mention of Edward never existing, even in theory it was unthinkable. The scowl on my face must have spoken volumes, but as bile began to rise up my throat I replied abruptly, "I don't really feel like talking anymore."

Carlisle gave me a sad, but sympathetic nod and turned to leave the room just in time for my tears of anger to burst forth. _Enough of this shit! Stop crying! You are the master of your fate!_

My emotions worked up into frenzy as I paced the room in anger. How fucking dare they treat me like some little pet. I was a person damn it… a grown woman who was capable of making her own decisions, even if they didn't fucking like them!

As soon as I heard the dining room door open and close, followed by the voices and laughing of the now apparently entertained and well fed Cullen family, I stomped my way down the stairs and burst into the kitchen.

Upon entering the room I immediately turned to Jasper. "Don't even fucking think about it!" I warned, pointing my finger sharply at him. I didn't want my emotions fucked with. I was angry and I wanted to be angry. Jasper put his hands up in surrender. "Have it your way," he replied as he stepped back, leaning on the counter top.

Everyone was there, eyeing me in question, except Edward. He hadn't returned yet?

"Where the fuck is he?" I demanded to no one in particular.

"He's lagging behind. He doesn't really go with the group anymore. Something about needing time to think," Jasper replied.

Ana stepped up and jokingly bumped my shoulder. "So what the fuck's wrong with you anyway?" she asked, chuckling.

Something in her perfectly pale complexion, with her perfect hair, and perfect smile, set me off. How could she not see how fucking envious I was of what she had? Had it not been more than obvious over the past few weeks? By the time my mind had caught up to my mouth, the words had already been spoken. "What the fuck could my problem be? Hmm… let's see? You for one! You walk around here laughing and playing without a care in the world. Meanwhile… I'm slowly dying; I'm dying more every day… and the one person who could change that for me… won't! So I have no fucking clue what my problem could be! Anyone got a guess?" I shouted.

Ana's smile dropped as she took a step in approach. She wasn't threatening, but she was no longer joking either. "Hey now… _you_ chose this for me, and don't get me wrong, I'm not ungrateful, because I couldn't have watched you die either. You know I would have done the same for you, but right now you need to take a step back because you're directing your anger at the wrong person!"

I couldn't argue that, but my fury was still in full force, so I turned it on someone seemingly more deserving. Rosalie.

"And you… what the fuck have I ever done to make you hate me so much? I mean really… what could I ever have done to get in your good graces when you've never had any intention of giving me a chance? Well now I don't need a fucking chance! You can take you're Barbie doll looks and your bitch attitude and stick it straight up your ass, fuck you very much!" I shouted, and as the anger overtook me I launched the antique vase sitting on the table next to me at Rosalie's head.

Of course she was too fast and it simply shattered against her forearms as they went up in defense.

"You bitch! How fucking dare you! You don't know a damn thing about how I feel!" Rose shouted back, attempting to lunge around Emmett and Jasper towards me.

Just then the door opened and Edward flew into the room, placing himself between Rose and I. Gently putting his hands to my shoulders, he pushed me back a few steps, creating some distance to where Rosalie stood glaring me down. "What the hell is going on here?" he demanded frantically.

"You need to make some fucking decisions is what's going on here! Your fucking human has gone off the deep end. Just... bite the bitch already," Rose spat back.

"Fuck you!" I yelled, standing on my tip toes to glare at her over Edward's shoulder, not fearing her in the least. For the first time in a long damn time, I was uncontrolled and completely unafraid.

"Bella, you need to calm down," Edward said, moving toward me with his hands out in front of him, palms up as if he were approaching a caged animal.

"Don't tell me what to do! You don't get to tell me shit! I'm tired of all the decisions being left up to you! You always fucking disappoint me, Edward! You're never on my side. It's always about what's best for the family or best for you or it's about my soul… well guess what! I don't give a fuck what's best for anyone else anymore!

"I love you! I always have, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Don't you realize that it's like I'm dead inside, and if I can't have you forever… not for a lifetime… for _forever_, then I'd rather you just let me die. Is that clear enough for you?

"Let me make it clearer! I _want_ to know what it's like to feel the fucking burn take over my body and scorch away the hurt, melt away this fucking humanity that always lets me down. I'm losing my mind in wonder of what it feels like for you to _really_ hold me without your constant fear of hurting me. I _crave_ you… everything about you, and I'm dying for you to make love to me without having to pull away when we so much as kiss. But we both know that you'll never do that with me being human.

"You said you would change me, you offered it to me and I turned you down because I didn't believe that you really wanted me forever. I'm still struggling with that. But if you really do love me…if you _really_ want to prove to me that I'm yours… make me yours… change me, because I'll never want anything that a human life can give me more than I want you."

Edward seemed unsettled and I finished my rant just in time, because it seemed that he could hold his tongue no longer.

"How can you not know that I love you? What is so difficult to believe? I've told you so many times, but I tell you a lie _once_ and you believed me unequivocally. Of course I want you forever! Why would I be trying so hard to save you if I didn't want you? A lot has happened since I left you alone in the forest that day, but never… not one day have I ever stopped wanting and adoring you." He stopped speaking as he quickly looked over my shoulder.

I turned and noticed that everyone started dispersing slowly from around us. Sneaking out of the room was more like it… either way it brought our attention apart from each other and back to our current surroundings. It didn't matter to me that they had all stood witness to my declaration. I wasn't ashamed of anything I'd said. I'd only spoken what I felt.

"We should go somewhere and talk," Edward stated.

After making as many demands as I just had, it was only fair to agree to talk with him.

My outburst of anger and all the feelings I'd been holding back from telling him must have been cathartic, because I realized rather suddenly that I felt light as a feather.

This was it. Now was the time to get the past behind us. We were going to _really_ talk and my mind was already made up that I wouldn't be putting my head down to rest until I had a date… _the date_ that my eternity with Edward Cullen would truly begin. If he truly loved me, he wouldn't deny me this.


	16. Chapter 16 Control & Compromise

Chapter 16 – Control & Compromise

BPOV

"I want a date, Edward. Right here, right now, before we go _anywhere_. You tell me you'll change me, you _promise_ and you give me a date."

"I can't do that, Bella," Edward replied, sighing deeply and running his hands nervously through his hair. "I promise you that I'll change you, I swear on my own life that you will be like me, but I can't give you a date, not tonight."

"That's all that I want to talk about, so if you have nothing else, I guess this conversation was over before it even began," I replied, turning and walking away. "God, I'm so fucking stupid to think that I was actually going to get somewhere with you," I mumbled under my breath.

I climbed the stairs two at a time, my footfalls heavy across the floor, until I was at the threshold of Edward's room. The sting in my chest from the familiar let down, along with each heaving breath I took trying not to break into a sobbing mess, only made it clearer how incredibly _human_ I was; how weak.

I pushed the door open and grabbed my bag from the floor, stuffing my few possessions angrily into the opening with no care how they would fair when removed again later.

I didn't even need to turn around to know that he was behind me. Of course he followed me; it was just how he was. _Never could leave well enough alone. _The electric charge that always hummed between us surged, and with a shock I felt him grab around my wrist as I went to shove another shirt into the open bag.

"What are you doing?" he growled in frustration, holding fast around my wrist. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't relent.

"I'm going to stay with Charlie. You can protect me from anywhere, Edward. I know it and so do all of you. My coming here was a mistake. I love you, but I don't belong and I'm done waiting on you to make the only choice that will make all of the fucked up shit that's happened over the past three years even begin to get better. You don't want to promise me a date, when that's all I'm asking for. So I'm going home where I do _belong;_ where _my_ happiness and what _I_ want counts for something,_" _I answered spitefully.

"You're not going anywhere! We're going to talk… I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen. You're coming with me!" he demanded, pulling me forward by my wrist until he took hold of my arm and threw me around his back.

Before I knew what was happening Edward had leapt out his window and was in a full sprint across the yard. He took me deep into the woods, far from their home, and before I knew it I was in a place I hadn't seen in years, except in my dreams.

As soon as we were past the clearing of our meadow he put me down and stepped away. Before speaking, I quietly looked around, taking in some of the differences and yet reeling in the reverence of how it felt so completely familiar.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked quietly, avoiding eye contact. This was our haven, a place where I couldn't be angry even if I tried. He must have realized the affect being here would have on me.

"Because I need you to listen, and you stay so worked up around everyone else. I knew this was the only place I could have you to myself. Here's how this is going to work. I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen. Then, when I'm finished, you will have a chance to speak."

"But…" I started.

"Ah, ah, ah… no interruptions. This is my chance to speak. You'll have yours soon enough," he stated, gesturing for me to sit and get comfortable.

I rested on the damp moss against the trunk of a giant oak, propping my chin in my hands to show that I was paying proper attention. He stood there looking at me, as if he could see right through me. His intense scrutiny made me feel vulnerable and I couldn't hold his gaze. I dropped my eyes to the ground at his feet.

"Are you going to be quiet and listen?" he asked in a tone that was both serious and playful.

I rolled my eyes and made a motion as if zipping my lips and gestured into the air for him to begin.

"First of all… you must know, but I'm going to tell you anyway. You make me crazy! I never know what to say or how to act, I'm always worried that the words that leave my mouth are going to make you run and I can't stand the idea that anything I have to say would make you want to be away from me. Any distance is too far. It doesn't matter that I can protect you from anywhere, and you're right, I could. But I don't want to. I want you by my side all the time. I want to smell your strawberry shampoo and hear your heart beat and listen for those precious moments when you whisper my name while you sleep.

"Bella, I want _you_… more than you'll ever know, more than I'll ever want anything. I _promise you_ I will change you! You are my mate, and you will become like me, but I want the memories of your change to be of pure love and adoration and my desire to keep you forever. It's important to me to… uh… okay, look at it this way. It's like when a man gets down on one knee and proposes to the woman of his dreams. She'll remember the intensity of that moment for all her life! I want that for us. I never want you to question my intentions, but to believe that they are always in your best interest."

"Are you saying you want to get married?" I blurted out, losing restraint on my tongue.

"You are so stubborn," he said, smiling and shaking his head before answering my question. "Maybe someday, but that's not what I'm referring to. I'm saying that even if I wanted to do it… to change you, this instant even, I can't do it properly because your stubbornness won't allow you to back off long enough to give me an opportunity to make it… memorable."

"Edward," I sighed.

"Hush! It's still my turn," he demanded, flashing me his palm and warning me to stop interrupting, but I could tell he wasn't angry.

"There's more. I know that I made the most insanely foolish mistake when I left you three years ago, and I will spend the rest of eternity in penance to make sure that you never feel hurt by me in that way again. I am not rejecting you, and you don't need to go anywhere because you are my life. You belong with me, Bella, and I can't go another day without seeing your beautiful face. But you need to understand also that my hesitance has also been in part because… I'm… I'm afraid that once you're like me… Bella, you're going to be strong, stronger than any of us for a while, and I'm afraid that your feelings for me will change when you don't… when you don't _need _me anymore."

And there it was… the real reason he had refused me. The real reason he wouldn't lock in a date. Edward Cullen was _afraid_… and I was… speechless. I always thought that it was about my soul, or not being enough for him. But the truth was that he was just scared of me not needing him anymore? _Who the hell would've guessed?_

I opened my mouth to say something but quickly closed it again. I even shook my head, hoping it would jumble some semblance of a thought process, but I was just stunned into silence.

Seeing his demeanor change from demanding and bossy to sullen and fearful was not what I had expected. And yet there he stood, silently appraising my reaction like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"May I speak now?" I asked.

He motioned as if zipping his lips, mocking my gesture to proceed, minus the eye rolling.

"You listen to me now! No matter how strong I will ever be, I will always need you in my life! I always have, and nothing… not life, nor death, or anything in between will ever change that. I'll always be your Bella… your Bella, just… less fragile," I replied seriously, but with a smile.

I'd barely spoken and yet it was like a flame of hope had lit in his eyes and already he looked a little less sad. I thought about how I'd been acting and suddenly felt a little ashamed of my lack of faith in him. It didn't excuse his lying to me and leaving me, but despite his constant show of love for me since our reuniting, I'd let my insecurities take hold of the one time that he'd lied to me, and they held on tight.

When I'd truly thought about it, the anger and hurt were the only things that had driven me during our time apart. So it made letting go of that crutch much more difficult than just admitting that I needed him just as much as I always knew I had.

"I'm letting go now," I said. The light in his eyes dimmed and he furrowed his brow, but continued to listen expectantly.

"I'm done trying to push you away, when all I really want to do is hold you and never let go," I said as my voice broke. A few tears escaped my eyes and raced down my cheeks.

"Bella?" he whispered, reaching forward to brush the tears from my cheeks. "What does this mean for us?"

"Hush, it's still my turn and I have something very important to express." I pulled his hand down from my cheek and held it between both my hands, never breaking eye contact. "Unfortunately, what I have to say cannot be expressed fully with words alone, so maybe I should just show you," I stated, taking a step forward. Edward watched and waited cautiously for what I was about to do.

My heart pounded furiously in anticipation as I pushed my weight up on the balls of my feet and pressed my chest flush with his. I inhaled deeply and my skin fevered as his sweet breath ghosted across my face. I was lost in him and I never wanted to be found.

With only a moment's hesitation to appreciate the lust found in his eyes, I crashed my lips onto Edward's. He stiffened for a moment before his lips came alive, exploring mine. All hesitancies quickly dissipated as his arms snaked around my back and I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling gently at the nape of his neck.

As our lips moved in sync, greedily seeking more, I nipped at his top lip. His tongue darted out and ran the length of my lower lip. On instinct I opened my mouth, ready to deepen the kiss, but instantly hesitated, realizing my mistake.

Edward had never kissed me deeper than soft, chaste kisses. I prepared myself for the rejection that was sure to wash over me as I waited for the moment that he would pull away. Instead, his cold tongue passed into my overheated mouth and a tight coil of desire settled in my stomach.

We were in uncharted territory, but longing for what had been missing overcame any sense of caution. My fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. Soft moans of ecstasy escaped my throat as I melted into him. I barely noticed, but at some point we had moved and I was now flat on my back against the forest floor. My leg hitched around his hip as our tongues continued to dance.

Edward's lips broke free from mine as he began nipping and sucking his way down my neck, across my collar bone and back up the other side of my neck until he reached the sweet spot beneath my ear. "You're so fucking beautiful," his velvet voice panted, and my body arched up in response, desperate for contact.

I knew we couldn't take this where my imagination had already travelled a thousand times over, but I wasn't ready to let this experience end too quickly either. As we made out in the meadow, I poured every emotion I was feeling into our kiss; relief, longing, remorse, but most importantly… love.

This kiss wasn't an apology or an attempt to smooth things over. This was a 'welcome home', and a 'God I've missed you and I'm so glad you're still mine' kiss. Suddenly I realized that no matter where I was in the world, no matter how much his family hated or accepted me, and no matter how many enemies lie in wait for their chance to end our story, my heart would always be safe with him. He was right. I wasn't going anywhere, because after years of chaos and torment, we had found our way back to each other. If I were ever leery of it I was wrong, because if there was one constant truth it was this: in his arms was exactly where I did belong.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'd have to disagree. Absence of hope made me weak. Absence of love nearly killed me. Rather, I believe that trials make the heart grow stronger. Because when you're left with nothing, the absence of everything you held dear eats away at your very existence. I found out that while walking through the fire and pain, and embracing the changes that melt and mold you, you can find the will to keep breathing, even if you don't particularly want to.

I once believed that death was easier and that life was hard, but after having faced my own trials, I felt rather blessed to have survived the long dark nights in order to see new days. Where once there was total darkness, I've found a glimmer of light.

Although I didn't get the date that I set out demanding, I got the truth. In admitting his fear, Edward had somehow redeemed himself to me. So I decided to look at waiting for the day Edward would change me as yet another trial I was destined to face. This would be a trial of patience and restraint for sure, but one that I would face with hope, rather than defeat. He would change me, he promised and I had to take a chance and believe in him. He wanted to do things properly, and he needed to see that I could have a little faith in him to come through on his word. So that's what I would do. And now that I knew he loved me, it didn't matter when or how it came to be, just that I knew that it was worth waiting for.

EPOV

I knew that arriving back at the house after our time in the meadow would be daunting. Everyone's thoughts were going mile a minute. Trying my best to block them out, I held tightly to Bella's hand. As we approached the back door, Bella pulled me to a stop and stepped up on her tip toes, giving me a quick kiss. Energized anew I pushed open the door and was immediately greeted by Jasper's quick witted thought.

_Oh Thank God! She's in such a better place, Edward. Whatever you did must have worked, because she's actually feeling hopeful, and that's the most positive she's been since we've been back around her._

His thoughts put my mind at ease and I dared to feel that I might actually have a chance to restore Bella's faith in me.

Bella paused, glancing at Jasper, and then released my hand and went to him, shocking both of us equally.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, I know you were only trying to help," she said, reaching out her hand for Jasper to shake. Jasper stood up and squared his shoulders, eyeing Bella in serious regard before breaking into a grin and taking her hand. He didn't just give her a shake, he pulled her in for a hug, and it was clear that they too were on an even keel once again.

When they released from their embrace, Bella turned back to me. "I need to speak to Rosalie… to apologize," she replied, humbly. "I know she hates me already, but it's the right thing to do. I'll just be upstairs, okay?"

I nodded in understanding. "I'll just walk you up and wait for you in our room," I replied, making Bella do a double take.

"Our room?" she questioned.

"Yes. The way I see it, we belong together, so there's no reason for you to have a room all to yourself. Unless…. Bella, do you want your own room? Esme and Carlisle certainly wouldn't mind. I just thought…" I trailed off, a little crestfallen. _Please say no. God, please don't let her shut me out again._

She lingered lazily for a brief moment observing me. "_Our room_," she whispered, seemingly to herself, before once again meeting my eyes and grinning softly. "No, that's kind of perfect actually. I'll see you in our room then."

_Thank you Jesus!_

A while after having walked Bella up stairs and leaving her to do what she felt she must, I began to hear chatter and laughter behind Alice's door where all the girls had congregated. Bella had apologized to Ana and Rose, and tried to explain to them that she had reached the end of her rope and really thought that none of us wanted her around.

Surprisingly uncharacteristic of Rose, she admitted to Bella that she had never really held any malice toward her, but that she couldn't understand Bella being ready to give up her _life_ to become like us, especially giving up the chance for children. Once they settled on the fact that they would have to agree to disagree, she also apologized to Bella for never having given her a proper chance regardless of her opinion of Bella's decision.

"We love you, but you two have been apart far long enough, so we're going to have to kick you out of girl time tonight. Go get your man, Bells!" Alice exclaimed, pushing Bella out the door. Obviously in much better spirits, Bella laughed softly and gave Alice a thumbs up gesture as she turned to head toward my room.

It really was too damn convenient to be able to see her through the thoughts of others. Innocent little things like what she had just done in giving Alice a thumbs up at the idea of coming to me, or catching her smile when she doesn't realize that anyone is looking are the type of things that make me treasure her natural purity all the more.

They are also what makes the decision to change her so much more difficult. _Will she be the same when she's like us? Will her innocence remain or be obliterated in the blood lust? Will she want… or need me the same? Of course she will, Edward! Snap out of it!_

"Hey," Bella called as she glided in the room. "Edward… you okay? Where'd you go there? It's like you zoned out or something."

I blinked repeatedly, breaking myself from my traitorous thoughts and reached my arms out to take her by the waist and pull her close to me. "I'm fine. I was just thinking about you," I answered honestly, my eyes meeting hers.

"Oh yeah? What were you thinking?" she asked flirtatiously, her hands following the length of my arms up my shoulders and into my hair. It felt so damn good to have her back in my arms like this.

I closed my eyes and let out an involuntary sigh as I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her closer, positioning her between my parted legs. Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms loosely around her waist and rested my head against her stomach. Her fingers pulled deliciously through my hair, igniting feelings in me that I'd once feared I would never experience again.

"Just that I never want to be without you again and that I love you so damn much it hurts. Bella, you're like a cooling balm to my scorched soul. You touch me so deep and I'm just so fucking happy that you're mine." I replied.

Feeling Bella pull back slightly, I lifted my head to look up at her. With glassy, inquisitive eyes she smiled down at me adoringly. "I'm so fucking happy that you're mine too," she said.


	17. Chapter 17 From the Ashes

Chapter 17

BPOV

It's amazing how emotional situations can physically wipe you out. After all that had transpired, I was frustratingly exhausted. I decided to change into my camisole and pajama pants so as to try and relax for the rest of the evening. I was struggling to stay awake because I wanted to spend more time with Edward, but my human body was reaching its limit, and I could feel myself fading fast. I didn't want to waste time sleeping. I wanted to exhaust myself even more thoroughly with sweet lingering kisses to Edward's beautiful mouth.

As the inspiration struck, I leaned forward to press yet another kiss to his cool lips, but just as I was about to make contact, a yawn burst forth that I couldn't stifle. Edward held back a laugh... mostly.

"You should get some sleep, Bella. I don't want you getting sick from exhaustion."

"I hate that I have to sleep. It's such an inconvenience when I never get tired of kissing you," I replied, admiring him through sleepy eyes.

"Enjoy it while you can. Soon enough it will never inconvenience you again. Here, lay down and I'll tell you a story. Maybe it will help you relax," he offered. I could deny him nothing at this point, so I climbed across the bed, settled on my stomach, and squished a pillow beneath my head so that I could face him. He scooted over on the mattress until he was right next to me.

"Bella, do you know the story of the Phoenix?" he asked. He draped my hair over my shoulder and began drawing lazy swirls at the base of my neck and across my exposed upper back.

"Mmm Mmm," I hummed, blinking sleepily. "Tell me?"

"Well," he sighed and briefly paused. I could tell that his cool fingers had taken up tracing the ink scripted letters of the words that had become a part of me.

"According to legend, the Phoenix appears only in peaceful and prosperous times, hiding when there's trouble. Its presence is a sign of harmony, and yet at the same time, its absence is a sign of discord. Their tears are so divine that they have healing powers, granting a person temporary immunity to death. Only one of these magical creatures is in existence at a time. Then, after having lived a long and happy life, it will ignite itself in a nest of cinnamon twigs and deliberately surrender itself in sacred fire.

"In the seeming disaster, it finds the gift of rebirth by sacrificing its former self for another chance at life... a fresh start. They are so strong hearted that they're considered almost invincible. One of a kind, resilient, beautiful... I guess that's why it reminds me so much of you," he said as he leaned over and kissed my forehead softly.

"I'm far from invincible, Edward, and no matter how much I've cried, there's no magic in my tears. They can't give you life, can't make your heart beat again," I replied in a solemn whisper. _Which is exactly why I need to be like you._

"Bella, you may not be able to make me human again, but you're wrong. You _do_ save me, _everyday_. You give me a reason to exist, make me feel _alive_ again. My heart may not beat, but it loves, and it's yours forever."

In the quiet of the room, I couldn't hide my sniffle. Edward shifted down onto his side and rubbed his thumb down my cheek, cupping my jaw with his fingers in the process. Tears slid from my eyes and trailed down my face. Edward caught them with his thumb, and then as his eyes fixed on mine, he gently removed his hand from my face and put his thumb to his mouth… tasting my tears.

"I'm already immune to death, but that doesn't make them any less than divine to me. I love you so much, Bella. Everything about you is beyond precious to me," Edward whispered.

As my exhaustion finally took me under, I replied, "Love you… forever."

When I woke the next morning Edward wasn't there, but a folded piece of paper lay on the pillow next to me. I opened the folded slip and read his words to me.

_Bella,_

_Gone hunting with Jasper and Emmett. Be back soon. _

_Love you, Edward _

I rolled over, slid off my side of the bed, and stretched to limber up after such a restful night's sleep. It had been a long time since I'd slept so well. It was such a nice feeling that I stood and reveled in it for a moment, thinking back over how many obstacles we were able to overcome and how happy I was that we were finally together again.

After getting dressed and heading down stairs for breakfast, Ana met me in the kitchen with a huge smile on her face.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?" I asked playfully.

"I've never seen you like this, it's refreshing," she replied.

I smiled widely, and at a loss for words, simply nodded.

"So, Bella, I've been thinking…" Ana paused, giving me a pointed look. "Since you and Edward are... better, and everything is good again, what do you say about fixing that tattoo of yours?"

As I thought for a moment about what Ana had suggested, it brought back the memory of Edward's remorse over the fact that I would be stuck with those words of despair once I was changed.

"I think that is an amazing idea, and I have just the thing in mind to complete it," I said, thinking about the story of the Phoenix that Edward had told me the night before. "How do you feel about inking me a Phoenix?"

"Well, don't get me wrong, but aren't we... vampires? I mean, don't we kind of... _hate_ fire?" she asked. "Why would you want that?"

Alice shuffled into the room, sporting a knowing smirk.

"It's going to be perfect, Bella."

I smiled and nodded to Alice before turning back to Ana. "It's just a beautiful story that Edward told me," I said. No further explanation was necessary; she just got it.

"Okay, perfect. I'll just have to get some equipment together," Ana said.

"Oh, that's already been taken care of," Alice informed, turning and walking out of the room. When she returned, she was carrying a large box full of supplies. A gun, bands, ink, gloves... everything Ana would need to complete the job. Alice never ceased to amaze me.

"Alice...why do you have all this stuff?" Ana asked, running her fingers lovingly over the supplies.

Alice smiled as she bounced in place. "I knew that sooner or later you were going to want to get back to doing what you love. I wasn't sure if it was going to be here, in Forks, or in the next place we live, so I thought it better safe than sorry."

"This is just her thing," Rose answered. "She loves surprises… even when they aren't for her. You may as well prepare get used to it. It's just a part of being in this family."

"This is awesome! Bella, get your ass upstairs! I'm going to set this bad boy up," Ana ordered, darting up the stairs at lightning speed. When the rest of us got to her room, she had already begun grabbing handfuls of ink bottles and placing them expertly on the table.

She rummaged through the box, carefully unpacking its contents. "Gloves, Alice?" Ana asked, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "It's not like I'm going to catch anything."

"They're not to prevent you from catching anything, silly. First, your clientele would be a little put off if you _weren't _wearing gloves, and secondly, they help hide the temperature of your skin," Alice explained.

"Good thinking there, Hooker," Ana replied, continuing to pile items on the table. "Bella, do you want me to wear the gloves?"

I shook my head as I sat down and smiled, watching Ana set up her equipment. I was so thankful for Alice's thoughtfulness in that moment. Ana loved tattooing, and she was damn good at it. With the added perfection that came from being immortal, she would be even better...if that was even possible.

The smile never left Ana's face as she opened ink bottles, removed needles from their protective wrappings, and attached them to the gun.

"Bella, take your shirt off, turn around, and straddle the chair ...you know the drill," Ana said, testing the gun in her hand.

The familiar buzz invaded my ears, filling me with anticipation. It had been forever since the last time I had been inked, and I found myself anxious to experience that sensation again.

In the years since the Cullens had left, I had gotten over my shyness and modesty. It didn't even faze me that Alice and Rose were in the room as I pulled my shirt over my head, removed my bra, and straddled the chair, dressed only in a pair of jeans.

"I found a picture of the Phoenix online for you to reference, but of course you'll put your _twist_ on it." Alice said, placing her laptop on the table next to Ana. I didn't even need to see it to know it would be perfect. After all, Alice had already said so.

"Wait! What about Edward?" I suddenly asked. "He left me a note saying he went to hunt with the boys and would be back soon."

"Oh, I've taken care of that," Alice replied. "I told Jasper to make sure they took their time. Edward was in an incredible mood today. I'm sure he'll be more satisfied from this hunt than he has in years."

I smiled at the fact that she said that Edward had been in a good mood. With the dark circles under his eyes becoming more prominent, it was obvious that he'd been neglecting his diet for a while. I felt relief that he might actually get a decent meal in him and come back looking "healthier", for lack of a better word.

"Alright… well let's do this then," I stated and leaned my head down to rest on my arms while Ana began drawing the design on my back freehand. Within minutes she had begun the outline, and within a couple hours she was finished.

As I held the mirror up beside my head, looking into it at another mirror behind me, my breath caught in my throat. It was stunning. The vibrant colors and bold lines of the Phoenix not only reminded me of how far our relationship had come, but also confirmed my trust in Edward that my own sacred fire would soon burn away the humanity that had kept him at arms length for so long. My tattoo was finally complete, and as I read the words, the symbolism it held for me made my heart complete again as well. "Vanished is love… As if it never existed. – Yet from the Ashes, Love returned."

EPOV

In a matter of hours Jasper, Emmett and I had taken down a few Bucks each. But things got really interesting when we wondered upon Emmett, who had decided to take down a Mule.

"What the fuck, Em? You drank an Ass?" Jasper asked, bent over with his hands on his knees, roaring with laughter.

I couldn't hide the smirk on my face, barely containing myself from bursting out as well.

"Shut up, Jazz… I was in the moment okay? Shit, let a guy drink one fucking Mule and hear about it for all eternity," Emmett whined.

He looked to me for some back up, but apparently thought better of it after seeing the look on my face.

"You know what… fuck you guys!" he exclaimed as he flipped both his middle fingers at us simultaneously, only causing us to laugh harder.

"Awww come on don't be like that," I replied. "We know that Rose hasn't exactly been helping you out in that department lately. And a guy's gotta get a piece somewhere, right?"

"Yeah, like you'd know anything about that! Or do you, Eddie? Has Bella changed your virtuous ways?" He replied jokingly, waggling his eyebrows at me.

"That's none of your business… you're just deflecting from the fact that you drank one of the most stubborn, slow, and least appealing animals on this planet. Honestly, I'd tell you to stop _being an ass_, but frankly I think it's impossible at this point, since you're quite literally full of it!" I replied chuckling, while dodging the quick right he threw my way.

As we walked along a riverbank talking and listening to the water trickling over the rocks, I realized how I hadn't had this much fun with the guys in such a long time. It was all because of Bella's affect on my life. My entire world and all my happiness revolved around her. Suddenly I realized that we had been gone much longer than intended.

"Shit! How long have we been gone? I left Bella a note this morning saying that I would be back soon," I blurted in mild panic.

"Uh… what do you think, Jazz? Is it cool to head back?" Emmett asked. This puzzled me. Why would it not be cool to head home? If they knew something, they must have been hiding their thoughts from me this whole time.

"Okay guys, what's going on?" I asked, clearly suspicious.

"Nothin' you need to worry about. Let's just say a little pixie put it in my ear that Bella was gonna have a big surprise waitin' for you when you come home. She actually asked us to keep you out and about for a while. And before you get too worked up, Bella knows too, so don't worry about her gettin' upset or anything. She'll still be speakin' to you when we get back," Jasper replied.

"A surprise, eh?" I grinned. "Alright, well I'm ready to go see what I've been missing…. And a surprise will be nice too."

With a clap on the back from Emmett and a nod and a wink from Jasper we were headed back home, where my reason for living was waiting for me. And I couldn't wait to see what she'd been up to.

BPOV

"Okay, Bella, they'll be here in a few minutes. Ana… Rose… let's go so she can get ready," Alice said excitedly.

"And don't worry, we'll make ourselves scarce. In fact, we'll go to the cottage so you won't have to worry about any interference, but we'll still be close enough that if we're needed we'll be around."

Just as quickly as she had said it they were gone.

I slipped on one of Edward's button down dress shirts and a pair of loose cotton shorts. I didn't need to get dolled up. Nothing I could have done would have made me as beautiful as them anyway, although, I'm sure he would adamantly disagree, citing that he loved me just as I was.

With nothing else to do but wait, I sat casually across the corner of the bed, playing with the hem on the sleeve of the shirt and letting my mind wander with thoughts of what he would think of my new tattoo. I was nervous as hell, but I couldn't wait to show him.

Within minutes I heard murmuring voices down in the living room. Carlisle and Esme hadn't been home all day, so I knew it wasn't either of them. I could however, clearly make out Emmett's booming laugh as Rosalie challenged him to a round of Poker.

"You are so going down, babe!" Emmett's voice carried, as if I were standing right next to him.

"I just might be, if you play your cards right," Rose joked back.

It was quickly decided that they would all set up a game at the cottage. Of course, Jasper and Alice were in, and Ana stated that Jake was on his way as well. I heard Edward asking worriedly about me and why we weren't invited.

I got up from the bed and tip-toed to the doorway to hear a little better.

"Oh, you'll see," Alice replied cryptically.

Emmett's voice carried loudly once again. "Oh yeah? Hmm… Eddie, it sounds like you might be getting to play a little Poke-her tonight, too. Just make sure you don't bluff when you go all in."

I heard a thwack ring out like thunder. "Damn, babe, you didn't have to do that, I was just _poking_ fun at him," Emmett whined.

"Ok, we're outta here, y'all have fun now," Jasper said.

The sound of the front door closing signaled to me that they were gone, and it was now just me and Edward.

I quickly scurried back over to sit on the bed. I didn't want to appear too anxious, but didn't want to appear disinterested either. He seemed to be in no rush as I heard his slow foot-steps making way up the stairs.

"Bella?" he called out. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

When he nudged the bedroom door open, I was still sitting on the bed, only now with a playful smirk gracing my face. He walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing in here all by yourself?" he asked grinning mischievously. He looked around the room, as if to search for something out of place.

"Nothing, just waiting on you," I replied. "You were gone for a while. I thought you'd have been back earlier." I decided to play as if I didn't know he was going to be gone a while.

He took a few steps closer to me before responding. "I'm sorry about that, we must have lost track of time. I haven't really been in the mood to have fun with the guys in a while. It was nice to feel like one of the family again."

"That's nice," I answered genuinely. "You look better… like you finally ate well. You're eyes are so bright right now."

"I did, yes, but I'm glad to be back here with you. I missed you. Aaaand…. I heard from a friend that a little pixie told him that you might have a surprise waiting for me when I got home. So I must say that I'm quite curious as to what you've been up to," he said, giving me that perfect crooked smile.

"That's true. I do have something to show you, but first…. you have to promise that you won't be mad," I replied, not meeting his eyes.

"What? Why would I be _mad_? Bella, now you're making me nervous." In an instant he was pulling me up from the bed to stand in front of him, and then quickly drew me to him, wrapping his arms around my whole frame as he embraced me.

The pressure from his grip into the tender flesh of my recent improvement caused me to flinch.

"What's going on?" he asked, pulling away enough for his worried eyes to meet mine.

"I want to show you something," I stated again and reached up to begin unbuttoning his dress shirt that I was wearing.

"Bella?" he asked, giving me a questioning look as he watched me finger the buttons open one by one.

"What are you…. wait…. Bella, we don't have to…."he muttered nervously.

"Edward," I spoke, trying to get his attention before he went in to meltdown.

"I mean it's not that I don't want to…. I mean I want that… with you… but," he attempted again at a full sentence.

"Edward," I called out a little louder than before. I knew he could hear me, but he was freaking out, thinking that I was just throwing myself at him for sex. Although the thought hadn't crossed my mind when I pictured doing this, it certainly seemed like a compelling option now.

Keeping with his nervous habit, he reached his hands up and ran them through his hair as he watched me continue, with unsteady hands, undoing the last few buttons.

The shirt hung open, still covering my body, but I knew my shorts would be in the way, hiding part of the image. So I did the only thing I could do, I slipped them down my legs and let the loose fabric pool at my feet before stepping out of them and toward Edward.

His anxious eyes met mine in an instant. "Bella," he started, but I put my finger to his lips.

"Shhh… I want to show you something," I repeated, trying to hide the tremble in my voice.

As I removed my finger from his lips, I reached up and slipped the shirt from my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Once I was disrobed and standing before him in only my black lace boy shorts, I crossed my arms to cover my naked breasts and turned away from him.

"Oh, God," he whispered. It seemed like a lifetime had passed before I felt his cool fingers on my flesh. "What have you done?" he asked softly, lightly tracing the image.

I couldn't look at him. I was afraid to see the disappointment on his face. "You don't like it." I murmured, more to myself than to him as I felt a wave of defeat wash over me.

"No! I mean… yes!" he clamored, nearly at a loss for words. "I like it… I… Bella…. I love it! I just can't believe you did this for me."

"For us," I corrected. "I can't walk around for all eternity with a statement so untrue. Your story about the Phoenix convinced me that this was perfect."

I had chosen a Phoenix, rising from bright bold flames, and within the flames I had Ana ink the words that changed the whole outlook of my tattoo. 'Yet from the ashes, love returned'. My tattoo now felt as complete as my future with Edward would be.

"It's amazing… you're amazing. I'll never understand how I could have stayed away so long. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Bella. But I swear, I will spend every day of forever attempting to be the man that deserves you," he replied, leaning down to kiss the back of my neck.

"You are more than worthy, Edward. I've tried not loving you, but it's pointless. You own my heart," I stated, turning to face him.

His eyes sparkled with adoration as his hand slid around my jaw and angled my face up to his. He leaned down and pressed a cool, sweet kiss to my lips.

My heart fluttered wildly in my chest at our proximity as I stood nearly bare before him. "Edward," I whispered as I exhaled a sigh into his mouth. As he pressed forward, extending the kiss with a slight bit more pressure, I lost my ability to restrain myself. I let my arms fall away from my naked chest, reaching up around his neck to pull him tighter to me.

Instinctually his arms slid around my exposed torso, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. Surprisingly, for the second time, he didn't break away from the intensity of the moment. Rather, he seemed to relish in it with me as his hands glided softly against my exposed skin.

"Bella," he breathed. "We have to stop, I'm not sure I can restrain myself with you like this," he chided, rubbing his hands soothingly up my sides.

"Then don't," I begged. "I know you won't hurt me. Let us have this. I want this with you now, while I'm still this way. Once I'm like you, I'll never have the chance to know what it could've been like. Please, Edward, just… try… just try."

I could see the unspoken battle of rational thought powering against the natural instinct to just feel. He warred with himself for a moment before his eyes met mine.

"I can't resist you anymore, Bella," he replied, quickly pressing another kiss to my swollen lips.

I let my hands slide down from his neck and traced the strong lines of his back until I reached the hem of his shirt and tugged gently, lifting it over his head.

For a moment he seemed stunned and paused in movement. I couldn't let him back away from this. I needed this with him, and I knew he was just worried about hurting me.

"Don't," I spoke as our eyes quickly met. "You won't hurt me. I'm not afraid. Please don't pull away from me," I pleaded.

I watched Edward's eyes roam curiously over my body. The look on his face expressed a tortured lust as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I reached for his left hand and held it between mine for a moment before pushing his palm to my breast and encouraging him to feel the soft warmth in his hand.

His eyes opened instantly. He watched as I took his other hand, kissed his palm, and pulled it to match my previous motion against my other breast. A soft groan escaped his mouth and his hands began to move on my body and his mouth met mine in a fury of passion.

Within moments we were on the bed, all tangled limbs and breathily whispered affections, as his clothes and my lace underwear met in a pile on the floor.

"I love you, and I want you so badly," I sighed encouragingly.

As he pressed forward, cautiously filling me, an electric jolt seemed to flow through my body. I had never experienced such pleasure.

Our bodies molded together and rocked in perfect unison until the sensations pushed me over the edge. Fireworks were blazing in the darkness behind my lids as my eyes fluttered shut.

"Oh… God… Edward!" I cried out, caught in the moment, completely unprepared for the pleasure that was racing through my body.

"I don't think I've ever seen you more beautiful than you were just then," he complimented, causing me to blush furiously.

Humming in pleasure at the feel of him moving inside me, along with the intensity of our connection, our lovemaking continued until Edward was at the brink. He let out a passionate growl as his climax reached full force.

Once I felt his pulsing inside me steady and draw to an end, he rolled to my side and pulled me into his arms, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you so much," I said, rubbing the tips of my fingers over the muscles of his chest. "Thank you for trusting yourself enough to give me this experience."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you for trusting me, even when I don't trust myself," he replied. "You are everything to me, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy."

"Just being with you makes me happy," I replied, tilting my head up to look at his handsome face. He kissed me once more. Suddenly I had a thought. "Besides, now you can tell Emmett that you are definitely a 'poke-her' champion. No bluffing necessary."

We both laughed.

"So you heard that, huh? He's such a twit," Edward stated. "You know, you better get some rest, beautiful, because I'm afraid I may be addicted. I'm sure I'm going to need a lot of practice to make sure to stay at the top of my game."

"You know…. they have self-help eight hundred numbers for that sort of thing," I replied playfully.

"No way! Those sorts of things are for people who _want_ help. I'm perfectly content with my addiction and I have no interest in resisting you anymore," he answered, smiling triumphantly. "See what you've done to me. You're such a bad influence."

I laughed. "Well you know what they say… 'It's always the quiet one's you have to be wary of."

I smiled and gave him a quick kiss before tucking myself back into his side and dozing off for the best night's sleep of my life. I was filled and surrounded by Edward's love. Nothing could faze me after such an amazing night.

Tomorrow the sun would rise and we'd have to face any challenges that arose, but for the moment everything was exactly as it should be. Love had truly returned to me.


	18. Chapter 18 Worst Fears

Chapter 18 – Worst Fears

EPOV

A few days had passed since Bella had showed me her new tattoo; the one that eradicated our hopelessness and took us to a new level. At this level I lost complete control. Well… in restraint at least. I knew I couldn't deny her anything else or she would see me for the coward that I was, and I couldn't risk losing her again… not ever again.

While sitting out back in the garden swing, Bella's cell chimed to notify her of a voicemail. Of course I didn't need her to relay the message; I heard it as clear as she did. I just watched her eyes, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Hey bitch, Charlie called the shop looking for you," Lala's voice rang out. "… I just wanted to let you know I kind of slipped up and mentioned you were in the area. Anyway, the phone's ringing here so I gotta go, but I wanted to give you the heads up, and apologize if you didn't want him to know that you were with Edward."

"Shit!" Bella said. "She told him I'm here… and with _you_. This is not a good thing. I'm pretty sure… no make that positive. I'm positive Charlie hates you for fucking me up."

"Relax, Bella, you don't have to go there. Just call the man and tell him you're fine," I replied.

"Seriously, are you even hearing yourself? He knows I'm _here_. I can't _not _go see him. I know my dad. He's probably already wondering what's going on, and why I haven't called or been by. He's a fucking cop, Edward," she replied anxiously.

Bella had emailed Lala and the girls at the shop earlier in the week. She just wanted to check in and let them know that she and Ana were alive and well. Alive being a relative term in Ana's case, but they didn't need the fine details. Unfortunately, she did unintentionally mention that she was back in her hometown. It really didn't matter if anyone knew that I guess. If Victoria found Bella in Vegas, it was clear that she could find her anywhere. The difference was that my family was back in her life, and we weren't going to let anything get to her no matter where we were.

"I knew it was a bad idea to send that email," I stated calmly, while running a hand through my hair.

"They aren't stupid, Edward. They'd have wondered why we haven't at least been in touch. I'm keeping up pretenses here. That doesn't matter anyway – he's my dad. I need to see him before we go through with my change. I have to… It might be the last time I… you know what… it's not up for discussion. I'm going to see him!" Bella's stubborn nature intrigued and annoyed me equally, but it was clear she wasn't going to concede, so I did the only thing I could do.

"Fine, but I'm coming with you," I stated.

"Well this is going to be interesting. Ugh… I know, I know… it's not safe," she pouted. Her bottom lip stuck out ever so slightly, but it was enough to encourage me. I leaned around and met her lips in a soft kiss.

"Hey, don't be mad," I pleaded. "This is all going to be over soon, and we'll have the whole world to look forward to together. I'll just have to show Charlie I'm not going anywhere."

Her frown fell away, replaced by the softest smile and a light in her eyes.

"I know…" she sighed and tucked herself in to rest her head on my chest. "But good luck with Charlie. You're going to have a time of it… convincing him of your intentions. He's not easily won over."

A couple of hours later we were walking up Charlie's front steps and I was much more nervous than I'd anticipated. I knew I deserved his anger for hurting his little girl, but I wanted so much for him to accept me. It would make Bella's transition easier, knowing that there were no final quarrels with her father, especially in a situation where it could appear that she'd be choosing between us.

It didn't take us long to find that he wasn't home. Even knocking for a second and third time, there was no answer.

"Hmm… I wonder what's going on. The cruiser's here. Maybe Billy picked him up to go fishing?" she pondered aloud.

"Bella, I don't like this. We should go," I stated as an uneasy feeling began to nag at me. I couldn't help but wonder if this was something Victoria had done.

"Relax, Edward. You heard the message from Lala. She'd spoken to him. Ugh, I hope he's not too pissed. I'm so freaking nervous," she admitted, wringing her hands together. "Maybe I should just leave him a note on the table so he'll know that I at least stopped by," she suggested.

"Okay, but make it quick. We should get back with the others." _Strength in numbers and all._

As Bella finished her note to Charlie, I turned on my heel and headed back toward the door, but paused as I caught a whiff of someone encroaching upon us; another of my kind.

"Bella we have to go!" I snapped and moved back to her side in a flash.

"What? Why?" she asked, panic reaching her eyes, her mouth agape.

"Someone's coming. Stay behind me! Do exactly as I say – do you understand me?"

She nodded and clung to my arm for support.

"Is it Victoria?" she asked as we made our way out the front door.

Before I could answer her, he emerged from the perimeter of the woods at the side of the house catching our attention.

"Well, well… hello there," he said too kindly, his crimson irises focused mostly on Bella. "It's been a long time since I have seen you two," Laurent mused, smiling conspicuously.

"Victoria will be so pleased," he continued.

"What are you doing here? Where's my dad?" Bella yelled, and went to step around from behind me, but that wasn't happening. Immediately I put my arm out to stop her.

"You listen here you son of a bitch…" she began yelling around me toward Laurent. "I don't know what you've done with him, but he better be alive and well, or God help me I'll kill you," she screamed, nearly on the verge of tears.

Laurent seemed amused and gave me a quick grin. "You have your hands full with that one don't you Edward?" He asked.

"Why are you here, Laurent?" responding to his question with one of my own, even though I was already sure of his reasons.

"For Bella, of course. Victoria will never stop seeking vengeance for what you did to James. As it would turn out, I owe her a small favor for things that are of no concern to you. So here I am to collect the girl. Once she's dead Victoria can no longer hold this debt over me and I can move on," he said.

"You will not be taking her _today_ or _ever_," I replied, a growl ripping from my chest. "I suggest you best be on your way before James's fate looks like a walk in the park."

"Well… I knew you wouldn't just hand her over, and there's only one other option," he replied smiling coyly. Suddenly Laurent launched himself toward me. Within moments our battle intensified and landed us back into the cover of the forest.

Instead of running away, Bella ran toward our fight. She was completely insane with rage, or fear, I couldn't tell which. Knowing I couldn't control her and fight Laurent too, I focused my attention on just keeping him away from her.

"Bella, stay back," I yelled in no particular direction.

Worrying for her safety, and because I couldn't see where she was in proximity to us, I turned to find her with my eyes. It was then that I realized my mistake in looking away, feeling him latch his calculating fingers around my neck. Bella screamed out "Stop! No!" and the next thing I knew she was running full force toward us. My crazy, beautiful girl was coming to _my_ defense.

"Bella, No! Stay Away!" I yelled to her. As the words left my lips, Bella stopped her approach within feet from us. Her eyes met mine for only a second before she took her keys and drug them roughly down the tender skin of her forearm, ripping through the flesh with ease. The smell of her sweet blood permeated the air and Laurent became instantly crazed and ravenous.

As he relinquished control of his grip in a state of distraction, Bella stepped forward and flung her arm in our direction, spattering her blood on the ground before us. A snarl ripped from his lungs as he released me and lunged in her direction.

In the blink of an eye I'd put myself between the two of them. Laurent faked going around my left side, so I had no choice but to turn right and push Bella out of the way. As soon as I felt the warmth of her flesh leave my fingertips, I caught Laurent off guard and latched my hands around his neck. I wrenched his head over my shoulder until his neck snapped, his head pulled free, and his body collapsed to the ground behind me. I'd killed him. I ripped his arms and legs from his now limp torso for good measure.

"She is mine, you will never have her!" I growled out, and spat on the pile of hardened flesh, before tossing a lighter on the pieces to truly end him.

A whimpering sound caught my attention and I spun around to find Bella. She must have been so afraid, and she was hurt. I had to get her to Carlisle. He would need to stitch up the wound in her arm, I was sure of it.

I stalked in the direction that I had shoved her as the smoke from Laurent's remains billowed in the breeze around me.

I found her quickly, but the sight before me threatened to end me where I stood. Bella was in a heap on the ground, her hands clutching furiously to her abdomen. Blood seeped between her fingers as she weakly glanced up and took notice of my arrival. Her terror filled eyes will forever haunt me. "Edward," she tried to speak, but began coughing. I watched in seemingly slow motion as blood oozed out of the corner of her mouth and her hands dropped away, exposing her injury.

"Oh God, no!" I yelled falling to my knees before her. "Bella, Look at me!" I begged as the light in her eyes began fading, and her head hung at an awkward angle. She looked so tired. "Oh God, what have I done?" I reached for her, trying not to injure her any further.

"Bella, baby, I love you! I've got to get you to Carlisle. You stay with me!" I demanded. Her distant, glassy eyes met mine but she didn't respond. "I'll be careful, love. You just hold on… don't you die on me, Bella! I need you!" I pleaded.

I picked Bella up and gently cradled her body in my arms as I ran faster than ever before to get her to my father. I'd just gotten her back. I couldn't lose her… not like this… not at my own hands.

I barged through the doors of our house with Bella's blood soaking, and dripping, from us both.

"Carlisle!" I belted to the top of my lungs as I broke the barrier. But it wasn't necessary, as he and Esme were already in the room, seemingly awaiting our arrival.

"Jesus, Edward… what happened?" he questioned, motioning for me to follow him into the kitchen with Bella still in my arms. He raked both arms across the large dining table and pushed everything in a crashing heap to the floor. Esme stood silently, her hand covering her mouth in clear disbelief as she watched on.

"Laurent showed up at Charlie's. I was just trying to protect her. I didn't know… I pushed her out of the way… I didn't see where she landed… " I stammered.

I put Bella's frail and broken body down on the table as blood garbled from her mouth. She was weakly moaning, and a horrid wheezing sound escaped her mouth. I stared as Carlisle looked her over very quickly, but noted plainly the discouragement in his eyes.

"She's been impaled by a small branch. It hasn't gone all the way through, but she's certainly got a punctured lung, and given the size and texture of the limb, probably other damaged organs.

"Can you help her?" I shouted in a near cry.

"Edward, if you want her staying with you, you're going to have to change her now. She's already lost a lot of blood, and she doesn't have long left. Even if we could get her to a hospital, there isn't enough time to fix this before she'd bleed out. We don't know what other organs are injured and it's been too long already. You need to make a decision and fast, because the venom must have time to spread in order for the change to work," he answered apologetically.

I looked into his eyes, not wanting to believe what he was telling me. Not wanting to believe what was perfectly clear in his thoughts. Bella was dying, quickly. I glanced over to Esme, her sad eyes meeting mine as she nodded minutely.

This was it. I was out of time. It became very clear to me in that instant that it was never really a choice. I couldn't live without her. It was always going to come to this in one way or another.

I leaned down and whispered softly to her "Bella, this is it. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going to feel, but when it's over I swear I'll love you every day of forever. I'm sorry that I'm selfish enough that I won't let you go."

She was unconscious and her lips were beginning to turn blue from the blood loss and obvious lack of oxygen. _Could she even hear me?_

"Now, Edward! She will die if you don't do it now!" Carlisle shouted. With that my hesitation ended and I bit into the tender flesh of my true love. I drank greedily from her as I pushed as much venom as I could into her weakly throbbing veins.

Releasing her neck I bit into her wrists. Over and over again I bit and licked, sealing the venom in every wound I inflicted. Finally, I pulled the branch from her abdomen, and licked to seal the puncture it inflicted as well. She didn't fight. She didn't make a sound apart from the wheezing that I noticed was also slowing. It was terrifying not knowing if I'd already taken too long, not knowing if I would lose her anyway.

Carlisle pulled a large syringe from a drawer in a nearby desk. "Stab this into her heart, Edward," he instructed, as he handed me the syringe.

I looked at him in confusion. "What is that? I can't stab her," I replied, already completely disgusted with myself for what I'd done to her, and even more so for enjoying the taste of her blood on my lips.

"We've harvested venom from each of us in the case that something like this should happen. In case she was to run out of time due to an attack. This is a massive dose of venom. Stab it straight into the heart, Edward," he repeated, putting the syringe in my hand.

I didn't have time to argue. I turned with the syringe and positioned it over Bella's chest, feeling like I was torturing her, not saving her.

"I love you, I'm so, so sorry." Sobbing, though no tears fell, I plunged the syringe deep into her heart and injected the full contents into her terminally broken body. She lay motionless, and all I could do was wait and watch for signs of the change.

Esme got some warm wash cloths and helped me to clean Bella up before getting her situated in my room. As I kept vigil next to the bed side while the days passed, I heard the comings and goings of the rest of the family. Each of them in turn coming to visit her… and to make sure I'd not gone mad.

In an ordinary situation, the heart would be the last organ affected. It's stilling indicating the time for awakening into the immortal existence, but not for Bella.

Her breathing had long since stopped, and her heart was just as silent. Carlisle seemed convinced that it was due to the direct injection of venom, citing that its action had probably stilled her heart while it manipulated its way through the remaining tissues, hardening them as it spread. But that was just a theory. None of us had any experience with a change like this. The syringe was a backup plan… a final effort if it came to that.

W_ould it affect the change if the heart stilled before the venom spread throughout her body first? Had I waited too long? _

APOV

Five days passed and Bella still had not woken up.

None of us would say it aloud but it was clear that we all feared the worst. The worst being that the venom was administered too late to save her. Especially since Bella's heart stopped beating at the end of the third day.

That cessation should have signaled the moment of completion, and yet here we stood staring down at her body, and she didn't move or breathe. The venom must have at least begun to work, because she was flawless. Her skin and hair were bright and beautiful, but she didn't awake and I couldn't _see_ her anymore. Not even a flicker of a vision existed when I tried.

Dread was evident on everyone's faces, but none more so than Edward. As we made our way in and out of the room checking on the both of them, Edward would be humming Bella her lullaby or telling her how much he missed her beautiful eyes, and begging her to wake up so he could see them again.

As for me, guilt ate away at me. Of all the things I'd seen over my life, during the monumental moment of Bella's fatal injury, I struggled to make sense of the flashing, blurred visions I'd been having. I didn't warn anyone, because I didn't even know what I was seeing.

By the time I'd gotten a call from Esme, and arrived home from shopping with Ana and Rose, it was clear to me that the visions had to have something to do with what had happened to Bella. If I only could have seen it clearer, I might have been able to prevent the whole thing.

I walked in to the room once again, praying that by some miracle she'd show a sign of _life, _movement, something. _Anything!_

Edward looked up to me, obviously having read my thoughts, and shook his head dismally.

"She won't decay," he said, turning his attention back to her and running his hand softly down her cheek. "All we've done is turned her into a beautiful corpse."

"Alice, do you think she's in Heaven? We haven't trapped her soul in a lifeless body have we? I couldn't bear knowing that even after damning her to keep her with me, that she'd suffer worse than that and be stuck in purgatory or something. God wouldn't be so cruel would he? Surely she's in Heaven, right?"

I had no words. No one had ever taken this long to change.

"Maybe she needs more time." I stated, but it came out sounding more like a question.

"No one has ever needed this long," he replied sadly, keeping his eyes on her.

"What are we going to tell her family, her friends?" Edward asked to no one in particular.

"Nothing," Jacob said, having appeared in the room. "I know where we can take her. I'll ask the elders for permission."

"What are you talking about?" Edward questioned.

"There are some caves in the cliff walls near where the pack sometimes dives. No one knows they are there but us, and of course now you all will know. We'll not say anything. It'll be like she ran off again – disappeared. It won't be a proper burial, but her body will be safe. No one will come on our lands to get near her. The pack will make sure of it."

"Bella isn't like that. Her family won't believe that she's just disappeared. Her friends certainly won't," I said.

"We don't have to say anything for a while. They know Bella, they know she likes her privacy, and that sometimes she kind of falls off the map. If we have to figure out a story, we have at least a few weeks before anyone comes asking questions," Jake stated.

"I guess it serves me right. I never really deserved the chance to make things right," Edward stated.

"Don't do that! Bella forgave you, she loved you, and things were right with her!" I exclaimed.

"Has anyone even found Charlie?" Edward asked.

"He was on the Rez with my dad. Charlie's fine. It was just a coincidence that Laurent showed up there," Jake stated.

"Okay," Edward answered.

"Okay?" I asked.

"We'll take her to the cliffs, but only with the stipulation that I can come visit her when I wish. I will not leave her somewhere that I'll not be welcome," he said.

"It won't be a problem I assure you," Jake affirmed and turned for the door with his phone already to his ear. "Sam, call the Elders together. I'm on my way and I'm going to need your help with something," he said as he walked out of the room.

We were going to unofficially "bury" Bella. Who knew what would become of our family now that she was gone. We knew that Edward would not leave again. He would stay close to her even if she was just a "beautiful corpse" as he'd stated before. He would never leave her again. Now we just had to figure out how to go on in life without her, but that was going to be the trickiest part. Nothing was ever going to be the same now that our worst fears had seemingly come to pass.


	19. Chapter 19 With or Without You

Chapter 19 – With or Without you

EPOV

Leaving her there was the hardest thing I've done in over a hundred years. I considered staying there with her, reasoning that if she was truly gone then my life was over anyway. Spending eternity at her side would be the best that I could hope for, but I knew it wouldn't console my sense of loss.

_You did this to yourself! There is no one to blame but you!_

At one time I believed I was destined to walk this world alone without a love of my own, but I knew now that wasn't true. I should have changed her when she asked me to. It was beyond foolish to think that there would ever be a right moment. Killing her would never be easy, but killing her in that way… for love… that was the way it should have been. All I ever wanted was to protect her, and yet my stubbornness and need for control had cost me everything!

"What? I'm not half dead enough for you?" she asked me once, when I'd refused to change her.

That question played on repeat in my mind since my horrid excuse of trying to give her what she'd longed for all along.

_Apparently half dead wasn't good enough… finishing her off completely and painfully was the way to go._

No one even bothered to try to cheer me up. I was in a perpetual state of rain. The pain would never end and the dark clouds wouldn't clear from the sky. Without her I was empty; nothing.

_How could she do this to me; leave me here alone? Why did she have to get involved and play the hero? She knew better and she didn't run away. She shouldn't have tried to help me – I could've taken him without her help, but she was so stubborn… always so damn stubborn. _

Disgusted with my thoughts I launched the book I held across the room, causing CD's to fly from the shelves and ricochet around the room before crashing unceremoniously to the floor.

In a wretchedly unbearable stupor I trudged down the stairs. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go back and see her. I felt like I was losing my mind. She couldn't be gone. There must be some mistake. I wouldn't survive it if she was really gone.

JPOV

"You don't understand… he's feeling so hopeless. It's worse than we've ever seen him; even worse than when he left her. I'm really concerned for him," I stated.

"Jazz, he'll get through this. We will too, there is no other choice, we have to," Rose replied.

"He wants to die, Rose, that's not 'getting through' this! His emotions go from sad, to angry, and far beyond. Something has to happen soon, or I fear we're going to lose him too."

"I can't see anything about him, but that's not surprising since he's decided that there is nothing beyond losing her," Alice said, remorsefully. "Not that my visions have done us any good lately anyway."

"I just don't feel like all is lost yet," Ana stated. "I know it sounds a little insensitive given the scenario thus far, but what I mean is… I still feel her with us. I just can't imagine it's over."

"I agree… we don't know if she's dead… well she is, but we don't know how dead. Like… us dead, or like six-foot under dead. She can't be six-foot under dead… we didn't even get to arm wrestle and I know I would've kicked her ass, newborn or not…" Emmett replied with a sigh.

"Oh Emmett…" Rose quipped a smile and patted his shoulder lovingly. "You certainly have a way with words."

"You know what I mean, Rosie. It's just not right without her here again… none of us are right, it's not just Edward," he responded.

We all nodded in agreement.

"I'm going to talk to Carlisle; see if he's discovered anything," I announced as I left the room and headed down the long hallway. "Hold up! I'll come with you," Jake replied, hopping up from beside Ana and catching up to me.

"There must be a reason for all this. I just can't believe that, after all she's been through; she could be taken from us that easily. It just doesn't make sense. She's been through so much more and survived," he said, staring at his feet as we walked.

"Let's hope you're right," I replied, and knocked gently on Carlisle's door before entering to find him and Esme pouring through journals he'd kept throughout the years.

"How's it going?" I asked Carlisle. "Figure out anything from your old journals?"

"Unfortunately no, I can't find a single instance where the change took longer than the usual three days," he answered, sighing in frustration. "I must be missing something. It's probably right under my nose and I'm just not seeing it," he said as he thumbed through more pages.

"Darling, it's very possible that this is something we've never encountered the likes of," Esme stated. "I mean think about it. James bit Bella, and then Edward sucked the venom out. Although it wouldn't be enough to change her, there would have been traces left. What if she has built immunity to venom in general from her earlier bite? Sort of like how humans get immunizations to ward off the Flu and such. Is that a possibility?"

I stood in shock. Esme's theory seemed solid. Could it be?

"Could immunity hold off the amount of venom Edward injected her with though? And then he bit her and forced his venom as well… I don't think any immunity could hold up to that much…" Jake expressed his concern for the theory.

Suddenly Carlisle's eyes lit up.

"Oh my God, that's it! Well… it could be anyway…" he pondered aloud.

"What's it?" Jake asked suddenly broken from his thoughts.

"Don't you see? We've never harvested venom before, not like we did for her. What if Esme's right, and she does have an immune response, but also the different properties from our different venoms reacted to that immunity? What if it's taking longer, because her change is stunted while trying to fight off the venom, but it can't be stopped because of the different types of venom the immunity is attempting to conquer?"

"I don't follow," Jake replied. "Isn't venom, venom? Why does it matter which of you it's from? Besides if you sired all the family, wouldn't they all have your venom? It would be the same, right?"

Carlisle thought for a moment, but Esme spoke.

"Alice, Ana and Jasper," she said, looking at Carlisle. "You didn't change them."

It was true. Maria changed me, and Alice had come to the family as a vampire. She'd had a vision of her new family and it had come to pass, but she had no knowledge of her human life or who changed her. Ana was bitten by Rob, who Victoria changed, and God only knows who'd sired her. _Except maybe James? Oh my God… could this really be the reason? _

"So Jasper, Alice and Ana's venom is battling yours? How does that make sense?" Jake asked, still not having understood what I saw so clearly now. Thankfully Carlisle stepped in explaining the deeper meaning.

"Multiple venoms are in play. James must have sired his mate – Victoria. Victoria bit Rob, and Rob bit Ana. Ana essentially has James's venom. Jasper's would match the woman who changed him, Maria. And we don't know who sired Alice, so there's mystery venom in play, and then of course I sired the rest of the family.

Look at it this way. Humans get vaccinated for things like the Flu, right? But the shot doesn't protect them from all Flu strains, only the type that the vaccination was created for. If they come in contact with another type Flu, they could still contract it, but it would likely be a muted case, because they would have built antibodies against the original strain of the virus.

When Bella was bitten by James, traces of his venom stayed behind, and her body likely treated it like a vaccination, and began forming antibodies to it. So by introducing her to all the multiple venoms… including what I'd bet is James's venom as well, her body is trying to fight them off. It's an inevitable change, but it could be slowed down due to the extra "work" it's going through."

"Are you saying Bella is going to wake up?" Jake asked.

"I would bet that she is, but we don't know how long it could take," Carlisle stated.

"Where is Edward? We should tell him that she needs brought back here. What if she wakes up there all alone?" Esme replied.

EPOV

On my way back to visit Bella's "tomb", so to speak, I decided that I would take a detour to our meadow. As corny as it seemed, I wanted to pick some flowers for her from a place that was special to us. I knew she'd never even know that they were there, but it felt wrong to show up empty-handed.

As I arrived in the clearing a multitude of emotions passed through me. Rays of light streaming through the tree canopies glinted off the skin of my forearm and realization struck that although I was finally forced to change her, I would never see her sparkle in the sunlight here the way she had once seen me. It was sobering and tragic.

I'd never been a religious man, but I found myself falling to my knees, praying that God would just bring her back to me. I would do anything.

After a few minutes when the skies didn't open up, and I received no audible answer, I had to consider that my prayers probably couldn't even be heard any longer. Resigned, I pulled myself up from the ground and solemnly set about what I had come here to do. I picked her flowers of all shades, but mostly purple. She'd seemed to really like purple.

Before leaving I turned and took one last look over the landscape. I knew without her I would never come here again. After taking a deep breath of the fragrant wild-flowers and misty air I turned and left the clearing heading toward the only girl that I could never truly stay away from.

While striding through the forest I could have sworn I caught her scent. I stopped and looked all around me but there was nothing, no one. It had been a week without her and apparently I'd lost it; my mind playing cruel tricks on me. I inhaled deeply again to capture the essence before it was gone, but it lingered around me as strongly as before. I decided to keep moving, figuring my mental instability could torture me anywhere. That particular spot held no significance.

Arriving at the cliffs, I quickly found my way to the thin trail that the tribe had forged to Bella's place. Although I ached for her presence, I felt an awkward nagging in my gut, and slowed my advance. Her scent enveloped me again, and I couldn't displace the despair that ran through me. Why was my mind torturing me so?

Easing into the cool cavern I saw the bed that I'd moved here for her at the back of the deep hole. I needed her to seem comfortable; like she was sleeping. _My sleeping beauty..._

I refused to even consider putting her on anything less. When I'd left her before, she'd ended up on the cold ground. And since I'd been given reprieve from the treaty and allowed to come here with her, I'd already thanked Sam for finding her and making right the mistake I'd made so long ago. I would never leave her less than worshipped again, even if she never knew it.

Making my way to the bed in the very dim light, I noticed that something was wrong… different. As I focused my eyes upon the bed where I'd left my love, my steps faltered. Her pillow was bare; the bed empty. _She was gone_? _She's gone!_

I felt paralyzed as the flowers fell from my hand; unable move my eyes from the space where she had been.

APOV

After Jasper explained the conversation he'd had with Carlisle and Esme to me, I agreed with Esme, we needed to call Edward. He'd been keeping to himself so much the past few days that none of us really thought much about it when we didn't see him around. He may have wanted to die, but we weren't foolish enough to think he'd actually go through with killing himself. He was too masochistic for that.

I'd thought about how I'd feel if I were to have lost Jasper, and figured it better not to keep harping at him about learning to live without her. I wouldn't want to live without my mate either so I couldn't throw stones at that glass house.

I picked up my phone to call Edward, but before I could there was a raucous clamoring from the other room.

"Oh my God! You're shitting me!" Emmett yelled from the kitchen. "How? What the…? Bella? You're alive!" he boasted.

In a flash we were all in the kitchen looking into the eyes of our missing piece.

EPOV

I left the cavern and flew through the forest toward home. _Was she taken? Is she awake? God, where is she? Don't do this to me… I'm begging you. Please, let her be okay!_

I needed my family's help. We had to find her!

Arriving at home, I barged through the front door, damn near ripping it from the hinges. No one was around, but then I heard voices from within the kitchen, so I pushed through the doors to tell them all what I'd found. But I was immediately frozen in place as my eyes made contact with the most beautiful thing I would ever see. My Bella was awake and when she turned to see me standing there, her beautiful brown eyes lit up with joy.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She was human? How in God's name could this be possible?

"Bella…" I whispered… confused and awestruck, but in complete euphoria that she was alive. She'd come back to me.


End file.
